“You sure you don’t want? I’m done fucking her.”
It seems like every few months there’s a report that George Clooney and Stacy Keibler‘s relationship reached that crucial point where it’s stay together or have sex with tons and tons of other women, but this time seems to be official (Or not, already.) and for all the reasons you’d suspect. People reports:
“Stacy called it quits. She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that,” a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE exclusively. “They talked and they quietly stopped being a couple several weeks ago.”
If you think this is a remarkably candid explanation for their breakup and makes George Clooney look like an asshole, I guarantee you he’s the one who told the source to say all that. He’s very specific about making sure the next one knows what’s up. In fact, he puts it right in the Cragslist ad:
Handsome Hollywood Actor Seeks 30 – 35 y.o. W for 2 Years of Sex
Would you like to be penetrated by a Hollywood actor, and director!, who’s mature and handsome? Of course you would. So here’s how it works: I let you live a lavish, decadent, international lifestyle complete with glamorous red carpet appearances, and in return we bang at my command until the inevitable moment when your hormones betray you and make you think I might possibly want kids and/or marriage. Which I will not. Ever. From there, a lovely severance package that I promise won’t be a shower curtain and a landfill. I’m not Charlie Sheen which I probably should’ve said at the beginning. Apologies.