Stacy Keibler Left George Clooney For Real This Time. Maybe.

July 8th, 2013 // 22 Comments
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“You sure you don’t want? I’m done fucking her.”

It seems like every few months there’s a report that George Clooney and Stacy Keibler‘s relationship reached that crucial point where it’s stay together or have sex with tons and tons of other women, but this time seems to be official (Or not, already.) and for all the reasons you’d suspect. People reports:

“Stacy called it quits. She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that,” a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE exclusively. “They talked and they quietly stopped being a couple several weeks ago.”

If you think this is a remarkably candid explanation for their breakup and makes George Clooney look like an asshole, I guarantee you he’s the one who told the source to say all that. He’s very specific about making sure the next one knows what’s up. In fact, he puts it right in the Cragslist ad:

Handsome Hollywood Actor Seeks 30 – 35 y.o. W for 2 Years of Sex

Would you like to be penetrated by a Hollywood actor, and director!, who’s mature and handsome? Of course you would. So here’s how it works: I let you live a lavish, decadent, international lifestyle complete with glamorous red carpet appearances, and in return we bang at my command until the inevitable moment when your hormones betray you and make you think I might possibly want kids and/or marriage. Which I will not. Ever. From there, a lovely severance package that I promise won’t be a shower curtain and a landfill. I’m not Charlie Sheen which I probably should’ve said at the beginning. Apologies.

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. EricLR

    She got tired of him staying away for long periods of time on the Red October.

    • I’d launch a whole mess of ICBMs into Kiebler’s ass with a typhoon class submarine. Waaaay late for a first strike though.

      • Dick Hell

        If she plays her cards right she can have me. I don’t even care that she is 9 feet tall. FYI in the above photo Stacy is standing while George is seated piggyback on Elisabetta Canalis’ shoulders.

  2. She needed a man who could appreciate her fine, elf baked cookies.

  3. Billy

    She’s got legs…

  4. George Clooney Stacy Keibler Oscars
    Vapid Teen
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG! It’s Taylor Swift!
    With a new hairstyle!
    And her dad!

  5. tao

    Maybe he should date someone with kids already?

  6. I just think it’s hilarious that rumours of George Clooney being gay pop up all over the place because for some reason THAT’S more believable than an attractive, rich and successful Hollywood icon NOT wanting to ever get married or have kids.

    If I were George, I honestly don’t see why I would want to settle down either. The man is in a constant state of, “Thanks, but I’m actually in someone right now. I’ll let you know when I’m done with this one though. Give a few months and we’ll be good”.

    • catapostrophe

      I just think it’s hilarious that homosexual celebrities like George Clooney feel the need to cultivate and maintain the appearance of being in a series of artificial relationships with members of the opposite sex.

    • Given the nightmare divorce would be for someone with his holdings, and given that the ironclad Massey Pre-Nup doesn’t actually exist, if you don’t want kids, why the fuck would you bother? He was married once, maybe once was more than enough, or maybe he’s just too fucking shallow to love anyone but himself. I honestly don’t care, I lost it at “a lovely severance package that I promise won’t be a shower curtain and a landfill”.

    • I don’t know, I bet he is gay. I was discussing this with someone the other day, there are celebrities that always have gay rumors, always and then there are others that never have them, equally big A-listers. If it was just a malicious thing then people would call all of them gay, but they don’t.

      When you keep hearing the same people repeatedly being referred to as gay or in the closet, there has to be some truth to it.

  7. George Clooney Stacy Keibler Oscars
    Commented on this photo:

    From now on, she will be known as George-Clooney’s-ex-Stacy-Keibler. Even if she wins a Nobel Prize, Oscar, etc.

  8. anonym

    everyone saw this coming.

  9. George Clooney Stacy Keibler Oscars
    some black guy
    Commented on this photo:

    the scraps that fall under George’s table are more than we could dream about. Cloon-tang is the man.

  10. It’s always hilarious to see a woman think she’s so amazing that she could change a man and get him to do what she wants, fall flat on her face.

    I love that George Clooney knows himself and has already made his decision on this subject and no one is going to change it. Stacy you’re amazing, but you’re not good enough.

    • Who is saying this woman fell flat on her face? Even you would take up Clooney on his offer of two years of sex in exhange for luxury so STFU. I dont think any woman actually dates a guy like this wanting anything but what he has to offer. When women say they want kids and marriage that’s their way of nicely dumping a guy because they know he’ll run the other way. Its our way of breaking up with someone when we’ve moved on and maybe met another guy without hurting his feelings because they don’t realize they’ve been dumped. Everyone knows that.

  11. I like Clooney, but this dude has issues.

  12. RickJamesBitch

    What is that ringing in my ears…. You a stupid hoe, stupid stupid hoe. All these bitches think they have the magic pussy that will change Clooneys mind about marriage and children…. Hahahahaha, another one bites the dust.
    Dude’s probably had a sly vasectomy on the side just to be safe.
    Bitches never learn.

  13. erica

    I too find it completely puzzling that if someone doesn’t want marriage & kids they’re gay and/or have “issues”. Different strokes, folks. Having kids is at the top of the list of things I don’t want in life, along with cancer, 20 extra pounds, a mortgage etc.

  14. George Clooney Stacy Keibler Oscars
    Commented on this photo:

    I know I’m nitpicking here, but doesn’t her face look like the lower part is kind of compressed into the upper half. Sort of an Ebert situation going on. With all due respect.

  15. sarcasticalwit

    You don’t leave the Clooney…The Clooney leaves you.

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