Christian Author Farrah Abraham Wants You To Buy Her Pocket Pussy

July 14th, 2014 // 91 Comments

You probably know Farrah Abraham from her upcoming book on Christian parenting, so you shouldn’t be surprised to learn that like most Christ-loving authors, she also has a line of erotic sex toys which she launched over the weekend by licking them right in the rubber vulva. A move she learned from none other than T.D. Jakes. Or was it Max Lucado? Either way, remembering my parents’ bookshelf is fun!

Here’s the “Full On” version which I’ll assume attaches to your garden hose for an authentic squirting experience. (Be sure to detach during the winter months to avoid unwanted pipe bursting. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!)

Farrah Abraham Sex Toy

 

I have no idea what a “Grip-On Stroker” is or does, but you can honestly put anything in a child’s stocking, and they’ll love it. They just like unwrapping things.

Farrah Abraham Sex Toy

 

And finally the “Backdoor Entry” so you can relive that magical moment when Farrah Abraham went on a real, live date with a male porn star and went, “Let me get the lube,” while a professional camera crew set up the lighting for their sex tape that wasn’t a porno complete with a sequel. You know, for the off chance your normal dates don’t end like that which almost all of them do. Let’s be realistic.

Farrah Abraham Sex Toy

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Commented on this photo:

    She has a line up of customers already. Amazing.

  2. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    CT
    Commented on this photo:

    Herpes not included.

  3. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Farrah took part in the design process herself, which is why this simulated vagina looks just like a simulated cock and balls.

  4. Why buy a fake version of her privates, when the real thing is so reasonably priced?

  5. Should read: Warning: Gallery is Fucking Gross.

  6. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope her daughter is safe in the wolves’s pen, making friends, learning all the skills she’ll need to compete in the 3rd millennium global economy.

  7. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Commented on this photo:

    What you all don’t give her enough credit for is how subversive she is. Farrah’s not just some Christian parenting book-writing, sex toy-shilling, butt penetration-induced squirt machine with a uterus for rent. See? Here she is, delivering her pussy like a pizza, subtly toying with the notion of the commodification of sexuality while simultaneously exploiting the same. It’s levels on levels. There is a simple elegance to what she’s doing, and a tacit recognition of an age-old fact that she has tapped into: whores make money.

  8. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    There is no god.

  9. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Well, there goes my Mr. Ed-holding-a-vagina-trumpet fantasy.

  10. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Yeah, like I’m going to shell out for a fake vagina so I can go down on it.

  11. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Just a little salt on the rim, and…

  12. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Good Lord, she’s fucking ghastly.

  13. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Commented on this photo:

    The ability to suck your own cock is a skill made somewhat simpler for some due to a limber back and a decent-sized dick. Being able to lick your own pussy – that’s a gift from God.

  14. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    ROMANCE never goes out of style!!!

  15. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    She’s a whore and pig…that I would bang in a city minute given the chance.

  16. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Boy, Adele has really hit rock-bottom.

  17. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Looks like MLK day.
    Mexicans Love Klamidia.

    Again, I apologize.

  18. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Daddy puts it right there!

  19. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    yourmom
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s so proud, she got a new face for the occasion!

  20. farthammer

    Does it come in any other sizes besides XXL?

  21. Sardonic

    So proud. So classy.

  22. I hate that the word, “hero,” is used so often on trite things, like firefighters and soldiers, so that it comes off as meaningless when used on real heroes.

  23. Cock Dr

    You gotta do what you’re best at…..this is obviously her calling. See her lifeless eyes?
    That Teen Mom show was just a little stepping stone towards adult entertainment fame & fortune.

  24. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, her publicist actually managed to stack a crowd that makes Farrah look good in comparison.

  25. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    I wonder what 19 year old virgin they had squat in a bucket of latex to mold that contraption? Having seen both of Farrah’s movies, my professional opinion is that it does not represent her wore out vagina or sarlacc pit of an anus.

  26. cc

    They HAVE taken her offspring away by now, haven’t they?

  27. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    She looks like a fucking clown

  28. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    I’d rather take my drunken chances in Bangkok.

  29. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Does that dress count as a screen door? Get it? I’ll see myself out…

  30. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Her parents must be proud of this piece of garbage.

  31. Sulianto

    Why is her face melting?

  32. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Apparently her “toys” are so grateful once they have been satisfied that occasionally they kiss the user on the cheek.

  33. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    How in the hell did they get semen to whip up to a viscosity that made it good enough to frost a cake?

  34. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    She later sued the manufacturer, claiming that she had produced the sex toy for her own personal use, and had NO idea they would be releasing it to the public!

  35. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    That must be Farrah’s daughter wearing the family regalia. Has she grown up or what?

  36. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    that fucking face could send a freight train down a dirt road. *PUKE*

  37. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Icehawg
    Commented on this photo:

    ……? How is this going to be misunderstood? I don’t see it. How can this, in any way possible, be misunderstood? Because she is going to cry she was misunderstood and that she isn’t a whore THAT LICKS HER OWN JUNK IN A PHOTO-OP AT HER SEX TOY RELEASE. Please, I am all a-tingle with how she tries to turn this into the “pity me” show.

  38. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    PtC
    Commented on this photo:

    That is some fucked up looking underboob.

  39. On the list of people I want to pretend to fuck with a rubber vagina, Farrah is pretty close to the fucking bottom.

  40. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this the photo shoot for her next book on raising children?

  41. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    meeps!
    Commented on this photo:

    Seen here holding a one-quarter sized rendering…

  42. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Can we get a reading from a woman on the hair style?

    Not that men really pay attention to a woman’s hair (see: entire porn industry), but you sure spend a lot of money and time on yours. And this, this looks like a dead muskrat

  43. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to rent Farrah for an hour?

  44. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dingleberrys sold separately.”

  45. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    In future news, the entire line was recalled once it was discovered the toys were shaped, smelled and tasted like Farrah Abraham’s cooch

  46. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Spleen
    Commented on this photo:

    Not shown, MUCH larger asshole model, big enough to get trapped in.

  47. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Spleen
    Commented on this photo:

    Animatronics have really improved.

  48. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
    Spleen
    Commented on this photo:

    Auditioning for cab driver for another remake of Total Recall.

  49. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Butt Lingerie Sex Toy Release Party
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    Sophia, how did you get here?

  50. That little pink star in the first photo is covering the wrong thing.

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