Farrah Abraham Writes Erotica Now

The Superficial / April 2, 2014

Like any Christian author paying his or her dues, Farrah Abraham has to get a trilogy of erotic romance novels out of her system before she can set herself to the task of instructing you, the Godless heathens, on how to raise your children in a manner befitting the Kingdom of Heaven. Which brings us to “In The Making,” the first installment of the “Celebrity Sex Tape” series, so already you can feel the originality just splooging all over your face. Like a shot of creativity to the butthole. Via Fishwrapper:

“I was inspired to write a book about someone who went from being ‘normal’ to a reality star in the public eye. Book One: In the Making allowed me to explore my personal experiences over the last year while also branching out into fiction at the same time. Ellora’s Cave Publishing was the perfect fit for my first romance series because they celebrate women’s sexuality in a positive and healthy way. Starting the Celebrity Sex Tape series allowed me to transition my energy into a learning experience for me and my readers.”

Here’s the Amazon product description:

The journey…
Hot sex. A few thrills. A lot of tips and tricks. There has to be more to life than this, and I’m going to find it.

The woman…
I’m like every other person out there: I want to be loved and I want to be happy. But in the words of my best friend, I have to kiss a few frogs along the way. That’s okay, I know what I want and I’m not afraid to go after it, to hell with what other people think. My name is Fallon Opal, and I’m not who everyone thinks I am.

The star…
To the world I’m another starlet gone crazy: always traveling, clubbing non-stop, and juggling drug problems and alcohol issues. The truth couldn’t be further from that. I’m on a journey to find myself and I’m going to do it without shame—my way. Sometimes it feels like the world is against me but that won’t stop me from getting mine.

And the exclusive Superficial excerpt:

CHAPTER 1: BOMBSHELLS BE BOMBING

“What’s your name?” Archimedes Rhinestone asks.
“Fallon Opal,” I tell him.
“Would you like to make a movie?” he says after a moment. Perhaps he realized that I was destined to be a celebrity. It was practically written on my beautiful face with a nose that’s just the right size and totally not ugly. My best friends have always been jealous of it.
“Who are the other actors?” I ask him because I’m a woman who knows what she wants and will only work with the best. Jared Leto comes to mind, but I save that thought for the negotiating table.
“Your butt and my man-cock,” he says. “Colliding together in artistic expression. But not for money or a porno.”
After a moment of thought and silent prayer, I accept Archimedes offer. Had he suggested I be paid as some sort of sex actress, I would’ve rebuffed him. But this was something different that no one would expect because they don’t really know who I am. This would be a private thing that even though it would catapult me to super-stardom that blows all the haters away, just blowin’ them away, it would be an awful, awful thing to be released now on Vivid home video. Fallon Opal has rules, and those rules will be followed.
“Should we begin now?” he says.
We have hot sex like a real boyfriend and girlfriend. No one squirts. There are no multiple camera angles. It’s just two people filming themselves in the thongs of passion like a beautiful wedding.
An hour later, Archimedes sells our tape to a sex tape company who puts it on the Internet without any releases being signed to make sure I’m of legal age because that’s how that business works. I’m suddenly the most famous person in the world who now has to live with the shame of knowing my parents were stupid for not thinking I’d be a superstar celebrity. These next 600 pages are my story, my journey, my awakening. There will be no more fucking from this point on, no more ass play, just one woman’s quest to navigate million dollar deals and men totally wanting her more than her friends back home who lead boring lives going to college and raising children. Children which I do not have because they just drag you down and are so freaking annoying. Thank God, I didn’t listen to my mother and got that abortion.

You’re going to want to savor every word.

Photos: Getty