Someone Tell Farrah Abraham That Jessica Alba Doesn’t Look A Thing Like Her

I talk a lot of shit about Jessica Alba, but that’s only because she won’t get naked, so it’s actually kind of cute when you think about it. Seductive, even. But at the end of the day, she is a Hollywood actress who gets cast in (quasi-)non-pornographic movies that actually get made and are shown in a movie theater. Which makes it all the more ridiculous that Farrah Abraham would float her name in connection to a theoretical movie about her stupid sex tape book that she didn’t even write. Except now we know that Farrah thinks she looks like Jessica Alba if Jessica Alba’s nose came from Easter Island, so at least there’s that. Us Weekly reports:

Though she claims her fans have been asking her to star in a movie version of her new book, Abraham has no intentions of stepping in front of the camera to play Fallon.
“I’m not going to do a movie with this, so many people are obsessed with that idea, I think I’ve done, myself, enough TV, and me, obviously I would never be in a video or a movie of my book because that would be crazy,” she tells Us. “I mean, I guess I could—didn’t the Wolf On Wall Street guy kind of do it? Even though, it was such a different story and it was kind of absurd when like the plane goes down in the ocean, and I was like what?”
Although she’s unwilling to appear in the film herself, Abraham certainly envisions movie magic for Fallon. In fact, she’d like to bring in some big names.
“I want to have like other awesome actresses and actors,” she continued. “Jessica Alba… Or like, who knows? Sandra Bullock is like really good, too. When you’re an actress you can play any age.”

But take heart, Farrah Fans. Unlike that whore Jessica Alba, Farrah won’t sully herself with the adaptation of her book based on that time she butt-squirted all over James Deen, but she will star in productions that uphold and extol the virtues of Christianity:

“I will be acting in two movies, and I’m kind of staying closer to roles that are Christian-based,” she revealed.

Keep in mind, that just last week Farrah Abraham started selling rubber molds of her vagina. Not a long time ago in her past, or even a month ago, but seven days ago she was licking a vinyl vulva while standing on a red carpet in lingerie. Then again, she is enough of an Internet draw that she might be worth the return on investment because that’s really what these “movies” are all about. Roping in rubes and making bank. Right, Heaven Is For Real travel mug? Right.

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News