Farrah Abraham’s Writing A Christian Parenting Book, Yes, That Farrah Abraham

January 14th, 2014 // 43 Comments
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“Are you there, God? It’s me, squirt-butt.”

In the past year, Farrah Abraham has lied about filming a sex tape that’s really a porno, sold plastic molds of her vagina, abandoned her daughter (that she admits she tried to abort), and hired a fake boyfriend so she can get on Couples Therapy. So what better person to write a book about Godly Christian parenting which is literally what Farrah’s trying to do without any sense of irony whatsoever because she’s an empty shell of a human being, fake-titted and evil. Via Fishwrapper:

Farrah announced on the most recent episode of “Couples Therapy” that following her sex book trilogy, a Christian parenting book is going to hit shelves before long.
So to recap — Farrah Abraham’s launching a sex toy line complete with plastic vagina casts, writing some “50 shades” type sex fiction, and then penning a Christian parenting book.

Of course, there’s always the chance that Farrah Abraham could sell this by saying God called her to do porn to reach more sinners, but c’mon. That’d be like a bunch of rich, white yuppies pretending to be bearded, duck hunters so they can get even more filthy rich from a network jointly owned by Hearst Communications and Disney, two prominent supporters of gay rights, then turning around and trying to say it was God’s will so they can spread his gospel. Christians are smarter than that. They can smell bullshit coming a mile away. Trust me.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

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  1. Captain Obvious

    She’s writing a book? Shouldn’t she read one first?

  2. JC

    This is one of the few times I’d actually encourage fundamentalist Christians to go apeshit and start boycotting, banning, and whatever else they want to do, up to an including burning Farrah at the stake.

  3. CT

    She will teach us more about “sex in christ” – look that up heh

  4. JimBB

    Titled “Taking It In The Ass For Jesus and Fame: A Parent’s Guide to Becoming Famous And Making Money Off Your Annoying Brat,” with Forward by January Jones

  5. Cock Dr

    Another false story plant.
    Everyone knows this creature can’t read or write & probably has an IQ lower than 70.

    • Whether or not there will actually be a book has nothing to do with whether she has the mental capacity to write one. Books have also been “written” by Snooki, The Situation, and Sarah Palin.

  6. I see no problem with this. Hypocrisy is endemic with most religious people.

  7. rican

    That is one really fucked up bitch. The only thing she has going for her is that she likes anal.

  8. Mohawk Disco

    Are you sure it’s not Christian Parenting Coloring Book? Because that I could believe coming from her.

  9. Farrah was probably inspired to new levels of faith by feeling Jesus’ love deep inside her. Jesus had to get back to his gardening job afterwards, but that inner glow/burning sensation remained.

  10. who’s her publisher? Larry Flynt?

  11. Useless whore. Please go die now.

  12. Farrah also does kids parties…she’ll make balloon animals with the excess air from her tits and head….

  13. Hugh G. Rection

    Proposed title: Backdoor Christian Mom

  14. I love the gullible assholes checklist her handlers have made:

    1.) MTV Audience (combined IQ of 60)
    2.) Porn (People will watch ANYONE in porn. i.e Octomom)
    3.) Dr. Drew’s horseshit celebrity therapy empire. (Can’t get enough quotes around either celebrity or therapy here)
    4.) People that self-identify as Christian Parents (In that order)

    I’m excited to see who’s next.

  15. Farrah Abraham Bikini
    MURTADHA MUSTAFA, MUSCAT, OMAN.
    Commented on this photo:

    call me I need to talk to you.

  16. It’s not like she hasn’t already been involved in good, wholesome, Christian publishing. http://girlsandcorpses.com/print21/enlarge21.html

  17. Christianity for Dummies.

  18. Slash

    “Christians can smell bullshit a mile away.”

    LOL. Good one.

    To be fair to her, she can’t do worse as a “Christian” parenting expert than these assholes:

    Dr. James Dobson
    John Rosemond
    And that douche who was hired to lecture high school students about dating, and who appears to be as expert at dating as Susan Boyle.

  19. “Into Gomorrah and out Sodoms’ Backdoor: How I Found Love, Redemption, and Faith Through the Healing Power of Public Santorum (Oh and I Had a Kid Somewhere Around Here Too).”

  20. Dox

    Farrah Abrahams:
    Everything wrong with the United States rolled into a single flesh suit, and given the parody of a soul.
    I fully expect her to turn out to be an animatronic prank pulled on the world at large by some robotics company.
    Nobody could possibly be that shallow, that vapid, that conceited, and that trashy all that same time. Its against all laws of probability.

  21. BCBC

    Look, she’s obviously a walking disaster, but these photos are the best she’s ever looked and it’s giving me conflicting feelings. What should I do?

  22. Huh. Fish made a joke about Christians, and yet I don’t see a wave of butthurt schmidtlers, Convexes, and Name (Visible)s in here. Do they just scan the site for pictures of Sarah Palin and Duck People to weigh in on?

  23. Really .... ?

    So I followed the link…

    Farrah (22) tried to abort her now (4) year old daughter when she was pregnant (16).

    My maths is maybe not as good as some peoples…but I’m wondering how old she told MTV she was for her contract…

    • If I’m reading all the timelines correctly, Farrah was knocked up in May 2008 just before her 17th birthday,—so technically she was 16 when she got pregnant. The daughter will be 5 next month.

      I really should find better things to do with my time.

      • But then how could you pontificate on snarky celebrity gossip sites if you don’t spend half your day researching horseshit factoids no one but you gives 2 shits about?

  24. Jade

    Poor girl is too dumb to realize that her 15 minutes are up. She is nothing more than an anal joke. Perhaps it is time to go get that job at Walmart and start a career.

  25. meh

    With all the backdooring she does, it’s a wonder how she got pregnant in the first place.

  26. Sigh, these are the times I wish we could post captions because this one needs the Patrick Stewart facepalm meme right now.

  27. I think I figured it out: the book is going to be a satire!

  28. Big Bubba

    Damn … I think I just violated that “thou shall not covet” commandment …

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