If Anyone Gives A Shit, Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries Settled Their Divorce

April 19th, 2013 // 28 Comments
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We have grave questions on our plate today from asking how truly vulnerable we are to domestic terrorism to how legal residents were able to stockpile a goddamn arsenal of explosives, firearms and rocket launchers, but what’s really on everyone’s mind is when are Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries finally going to settle that divorce we all forgot about? Turns out today. TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian have settled their year-and-a-half long divorce battle, and it looks like it will be announced in court today … this according to sources directly connected with Kris.
TMZ broke the story Thursday … Kris had softened his position about demanding an annulment because his case had gone South — in other words, there was no proof Kim committed fraud when she married him. …
As for the settlement, it’s confidential so far, but you can bet this was a divorce and NOT an annulment.

So.. Kim Kardashian won? Wonderful. I probably would’ve been able to process this information better if I hadn’t just seen the photo going around of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev placing his bomb right next to where eight-year-old Martin Richard was standing on a railing waiting for his dad to cross the finish line, so I’m bypassing the snark and going straight to we’re all floating on a horrible, hopeless death rock made of shit and hell.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Cock Dr

    “we’re all floating on a horrible, hopeless death rock made of shit and hell.”
    Someone please stick a Victoria’s Secret catalogue under the blogger’s nose….the man needs an uplift.


    • Randal

      It’s an emotional ride going through a divorce, and putting this behind her will now allow Kim to focus her energies toward nursing and bringing her child into the world. Being stress free and putting Kris behind her, will be good for everyone, especially the baby.


    • Mike Walker

      International Male, shurely?!

  2. Rodrigo

    I don’t.

  3. JC

    Somewhere, Kris Jenner is throwing a fit. “Great, just great!” she screams. “How am I supposed to compete with terrorism? I’m going to have to cut Kendall’s damn head off and write ‘All Praise be to Allah’ on her tits to get the attention back…. Um…Kendall sweetie, where are you?”

  4. He is the world’s biggest douche. It’s about time!

  5. let’s blow that whale up with dynamite. KABOOM!

  6. lets blow the whale up with dynamite. KABOOM!

  7. sorry everyone about the double post. But my point stands.

  8. schmidtler

    Now that her divorce is final, she can move on with her life, find a new guy, maybe have kids and . . . oh wait, she already did all that. Whore.

  9. social commentary on a dick joke website? ballsy.

  10. In the photo we see Kris Humphries carrying a replica of the size of the bar of gold he demanded from the Kardashians to withhold the evidence that Kim was screwing Kayne before during and after the “Wedding”. Now that the gold is off-shore somewhere for Kris to access, the divorce can move forward.

  11. yeah, whatever moo.

    Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s picture looks like early Bob Dylan

    • Cock Dr

      I can’t help but wonder if post HS graduation rhinoplasties for those 2 douchebags would have taken us all down a much happier timeline.

  12. The fatter Kim gets, the blacker she looks.

  13. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    Even Kris knew how their story was gonna end…

  14. It’s just as well. Their marriage wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Can you imagine the confusion with both her mother and her husband being named Kris? “Gosh, Mrs. Jenner, I actually came over to visit the other Kris, but I appreciate the blowjob nonetheless!”

  15. Robocop

    Two dumb assholes who deserved each other!! So, now fat-ass KK can marry lucky bachelor #3 and have her hairy, monkey of a kid!

  16. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    This picture was prophetic. She got the gold mine, he got the shaft.

  17. right

    Humphries is a fuckin tool. He talks shit for a year, then folds when it comes down to court.

    • Nippy

      As much as KK makes my skin crawl, I feel for KH. A divorce is a horrible train wreck on your emotions if you went into the marriage with good intention as I think KH did. There comes a time you just want out of the cesspool so fast you’ll give away what you cherish most just for some peace of mind.

  18. RayJ

    Does this mean he doesn’t have any of the rights to the last golden shower and anal porno she did?

  19. Kim Kardashian Kris Humphries Pool Toy
    Commented on this photo:

    oh, you’re just jealous

  20. W. Allen

    No one cares about this shallow, self absorbed narcissist.

  21. Ann

    Agree totally. He’s a narcissist, shallow, self absorbed and incredibly stupid. You just can’t fix stupid. The amazing thing is that he doesn’t even realize how stupid he is. What, does none of his friends or family tell him the decisions he is making and boasting about getting the show cancelled and how fake it is to “ruin” Kim and Kris Jenner is terrible behavior. I get that he feels he was used but he knew everything. He has no dignity.

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