Eva Longoria crashes honeymoons

June 30th, 2006 // 65 Comments

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Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban flew to Tahiti on Monday to get away from paparazzi for their honeymoon, but when they got there they found Eva Longoria and Tony Parker staying at the same resort. Their plane landed just minutes after Nicole’s and they’re staying just a few meters down the boardwalk at the St. Regis resort in Bora Bora.

If there’s any way to ruin a honeymoon it’s to share it with Eva Longoria. Not only will your husband be staring at her the entire time, she’s also a freak in bed. Which means you’ll have to try to make love to your husband with Eva screaming like a monkey in the background and saying things like, “The butter! Use the butter! Where’s the Dong Master 3000? Dip it in the butter! It’s time for the donkey. Get the donkey out of the bathroom. I need the donkey!”

NOTE: I don’t know what a Dong Master 3000 is. I don’t even know if it exists. I just made it up, so please don’t try to look it up you sick sick pervert.


  1. Mandy

    Jeez..I’d guarantee that Eva did this to garner press attention. Pathetic! She really is just a dumb Mexican media whore. Maybe we could tie her up, throw her back across the Mexican border, and leave her there! I could never understand the big deal with Desperate Housewives anyway? And..to be honest..has anyone ever really looked at Eva’s face? She’s not even pretty! Enough said.

  2. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    Maybe i’m out of the loop but how does the super fish guy know so much about what Eva’s like in bed? From how she was in those pictures the other day i’m sure she does act she’s forgotton to take her ritalin.
    “I need the Donkey!”
    46. I agree. Why did she date that loser? I wouldn’t touch him for any money.

  3. WorldWideWendy

    Eva and boyfriend were a wedding present from Elton John for Nic and Keith.
    There was a regestered list just like other people have, but instead of toasters and crock pots, they wanted other couple to have sex with.
    Elton is nothing if not generous. That tall bastard cost a fortune to secure ( Eva, on the other hand was very cheap, and came with a strap on attachment).

  4. BlondesDoItBetter

    Why would *anyone* be looking at Eva Longoria? Cute face, but she has the body of a 12-year-old boy.

  5. Helena

    EWWWW!why the hell did Eva bleach
    her hair blond? it looks totally
    crap!! like dry straw. Don’t
    people know that brunettes are
    way hotter than blondes anyway?

  6. prideofchucky

    No way.. THE DONG MASTER 3000 is out now!?!?!?

    Well, looks like they got all my critique letters…

  7. HollyJ

    You’ve got it all wrong. It’s not Dong Master, it’s Master Dong

  8. @56: not only is the dong master 3000 out, it comes with a plaque removing attachment too ^___^

  9. rocking_robin

    59th Whoo..hooo….who actually give a f**k !!

    Eva can look hot, but not this time….I know I would given the chance.

  10. akarasu

    #51 You ignorant skank. Eva Longoria was born and raised in Texas.


    Well thats Eva for u…do I have to say anything else..no,really it’s not like she did it on purpose..She’s too nice to do something like that,and trust me,I know.Plus, it was Tony’s idea anyway.

  12. BernadetteStJohn

    @ 26

    Tony is NOT hot, have you seen him? He looks like that guy in “Red Dragon” after Hannibal Lector ate his face…yuck

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