Entourage Bombed

“Francois? Cancel my penis defunking. My boys need me.”
“No, dude! For real you should go.”
“I’m jumping off the ship if he walks over here.”

Last week, Entourage creator Doug Ellin boasted to the LA Times that “real people who have friends” love the show, and it’s not for “little, bitter guys sitting on their Twitter accounts.” So for your delicious morning schadenfreude, I give you Entourage’s weekend box office numbers. Via Deadline:

Studio-reported figures are rolling in: 20th Century Fox’s Spy showing $30M at 3,777 theaters, Warner Bros.’ San Andreas at $26.4M (-52%) with a 10-day cume of $99M, Focus Features/Gramercy’s Insidious Chapter 3 at $23M on 3,002 and Entourage at $10.4M in fourth with $17.8M for the five-day.

FOURTH. Entourage came in fourth. Behind a movie where Melissa McCarthy falls down but this time with spy stuff, the second weekend of The Rock fighting an earthquake, and the third installment of a horror series that I didn’t even know existed but still beat the pants off Entourage’s fucking five-day opening. Folks, I often say there isn’t a god, but some benevolent force is out there, and it hates smelly dicks almost as much as Nina Agdal does. Almost. And now for the part where I remember all of these people are still stupid rich, and my washing machine broke last night. FUCK. DAMN. SHIT. COCK. BALLS.

Photos: Warner Bros.