On Emma Watson And The Shitheads Threatening Her With The Fappening

UPDATE: At midnight Wednesday ET, Rantic (which is apparently a fake marketing company) took credit for this viral stunt which was supposedly aimed to discredit and shutdown 4chan. I have no clue anymore.

Let me start out by defining my absolutely questionable relationship with The Fappening, so I look slightly less hypocritical here. For starters, like anyone writing about The Fappening(s) whether to condemn it or go, “Holy shit, boobs!” it’s been a goddamn SEO boon, the lifeblood of any site. We’re all drinking deeply from the same trough no matter how you dress it up. That said, I have never entertained the thought that the celebrities who take nude photos (See? I’m doing it right there.) are “sluts” or “whores” that were asking for it. Except for maybe Kim Kardashian who uses a Blackberry yet somehow ended up being included in an iCloud hack, but I digress. I will, however, admit to being largely indifferent to the cause of “celebrity privacy” and operate under the belief that they willingly traded it to be in the spotlight. Does that mean their phones should be illegally hacked and private photos leaked online? Not at all. Am I not losing sleep over it and viewing it as the toothpaste’s already out of the tube? Yes, but keep in mind, I’m kind of an asshole. And for the record, if this shit happened to men, you’re goddamn wrong if you think I wouldn’t milk the SEO out of their dongs. I’d milk it so hard. Anyway, all of this is becoming moot thanks to a group of alleged 4chan members [Ed. Note: Or not. Maybe? I hate the Internet. – SW] deciding to wield these hacks like a club to shame Emma Watson for – GASP! – mildly extolling the virtues of feminism. Here are exact words which apparently aren’t for the faint of balls. Via Death and Taxes:

“The more I have spoken about feminism, the more I have realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with ‘man-hating.’ If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop. For the record, feminism, by definition, is ‘the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.’”
If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by what we are — we can all be freer and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom. I want men to take up this mantle.”

OH NOES THE EQUALITY! Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I certainly pissed my pants at the thought of a future where women have only slightly more power than they do now. Fortunately, these brave warriors have started the website Emma You Are Next where they’re going to show the world that this “feminist bitch” – and these an actual quotes – “is as much of a whore as any woman.” Clearly you can tell we’re dealing with masterminds here:

“she makes stupid feminist speeches at UN, and now her nudes will be online, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH”

So, yeah, that’s the end of The Fappening. The same whiny man-babies who started making bomb threats (along with impotent rape threats) because a yucky girl dared to make some valid points about video games – Or even worse, made a game about depression and then had sex! – are now wielding hacked photos like a vial of acid if women step out of line, so entirely fuck all of that. You pussies who can’t stomach a little criticism are on your own with that. And I say that as someone who’s going to be avalanched with it here in a second. That said, I would’ve been right behind had you used The Fappening to make Jenny McCarthy tell parents to get their kids vaccinated. I’m a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

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Photos: Getty , Splash News