Elon Musk Has Been Trying To Bang Amber Heard For Years

“Excuse me, Mr. Depp, but there was a message left for you at reception. It was: ‘Riddle me this, Scarfman. Who has a name that sounds rank, more money than a bank, and knows the sound your wife makes when he’s banging her because you’re a loser who gets day drunk on wine?”

Even though Amber Heard couldn’t have more squarely nutkicked every accusation of her golddigging when she donated her entire divorce settlement to charity, a large chunk of detractors remained convinced that it was all part of her grand secret scheme to drag innocent Johnny Depp through the mud — He never even beat his first wife! — And since that thinking comes out of the dickless fear of women who don’t take shit from powerful men, this news that Elon Musk has been trying to bang her for years will almost certainly get twisted into another one of Amber’s Dastardly Whore Plans. Via The Hollywood Reporter:

Musk, 45, didn’t have a scene with Heard, 30, but apparently became infatuated anyway, according to a source close to the set, and began sending emails to Rodriguez and others — some made available to THR through a confidential source — asking him to set up a rendezvous.

So, you’re telling me that a billionaire saw a gorgeous woman and went “I want that,” and now we’re going to have to hear about how she and said billionaire plotted for years to bilk $7 million out of Bolo McScarfdouche when said billionaire probably trips over that kind of cash just laying around his house? No please, go on, because there isn’t any other logical conclusion to draw here. *patiently waits for dick pics I sent to Fish to get this job to get hacked and posted on homepage*

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