Shit Break’s One Night Stand Had To Be Removed From His House By A SWAT Team

April 18th, 2013 // 26 Comments
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If you’ve ever assumed that being an actor, and not even a good one, is a ticket to Pussytown, U.S.A., you’re not exactly wrong. You’re just leaving out the part where women try to stab you then have to be tear-gassed out of your house by a goddamn SWAT team. TMZ reports:

[T]he chick who pulled a knife on Eddie Kaye Thomas had just met the “American Pie” star less than 24 hours earlier … TMZ has learned.
As we first reported … SWAT responded to Thomas’ house Wednesday evening after Thomas called 911 … and remained in a standoff with the woman for a couple hours … before forcing her out with tear gas.

It’d be easy to make fun of Eddie Kaye Thomas here, but I’m not even going to kid myself that this isn’t exactly what would happen if I was famous. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had sex with a woman without the aid of mental illness. “This happened way too easily, I’m going to die,” is usually a common thought right after, “Wheeeee!”

Photos: Getty, Bauer-Griffin


  1. huh

    wasn’t it shit brick

  2. Ha ha! I almost forgot his nickname! Thanks.

  3. Maybe like me she always thought EKT was the second from the right.

  4. I would be feeling pretty awesome if I had to call the police to get a woman I just fucked out of my house. Because it means two things:

    1) I fucked her so good she didn’t want to leave.

    2) She wanted to kill me from the start, but decided to fuck me first. I appreciate the consideration.

  5. Deacon Jones

    I was drunk and on acid in college one night. Ended up taking home a surefire fallback option from a party, her nickname was “Liv the Hiv”. I asked her to put a monkey mask on while we had sex.

    When I woke up in the morning, she was laying there still wearing it and I screamed out loud.

  6. The most impressive part of this story is that he can actually afford to own a house with the amazing career he has had an all.

  7. According to, Eddie Kaye Thomas is worth $5 million.

    I’ll just let that sink in.

    • schmidtler

      Last year, ‘the Situation’ made over $10 million. Kat Von D drives a Bentley. I think it’s well past time we stopped telling kids to ‘stay in school’.

    • If you check his IMDb page, you see that he’s actually gotten steady work in the last 15 years, most notably (and perhaps most lucratively) as the voice of Steve’s fat friend Barry on “American Dad!”

  8. Mena Suvari Bikini Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    Uh, not really.

  9. Mena Suvari Bikini Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    everyone looks good next to Ke$ha

  10. Tits and Ass

    It’s SHIT BRICK. Moron.

  11. Dude 2nd from the right looks like midget version of Humperdink from Princess Bride.

  12. Jenn

    My husband’s whiny brother used to come home from school on shit breaks. I could see any of his three idiot brothers’ high school girlfriends trying to stab them, actually. We don’t call SWAT out here though, we take care of that sort of thing ourselves. ….no I don’t play banjo or own a chainsaw…you’re pretty close though.

  13. The Ouroboros

    Frankly, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt for finding out the woman was crazy within a short amount of time. Most celebrities end up marrying them. I would have loved to hear the conversation between the SWAT guys before they gassed her.

    “What does she have?”

    “A knife.”

    “Fuck that, gas the bitch!” Seems like things escalated rather quickly there.

  14. mark

    He gets girls by saying he once got Stifler’s mom.

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