Don’t Call Richard Simmons A Woman, He’ll Get Mad

Richard Simmons has been living a life of hermitage since 2014, completely removing himself from the public eye to hang out with his dogs and (presumably) watch a lot of Project Runway – but that doesn’t mean he’s a woman. Since then The National Enquirer has been publishing pieces that claim Simmons has been secretly transitioning to become a woman, even going as far as getting a secret boob job and cutting his balls off. I’ve seen the pictures of Richard Simmons bigfooting his way around 90210 and let’s just say that if he did get a boob job, it wasn’t a very good one.

Now the former king of sweat and duke of short shorts is suing American Media, the Nat’l Enquirer’s parent company, for defamation. From TMZ:

“I fully support transgender individuals and their struggle to achieve acceptance and equality. Nonetheless, the false and fabricated claims that I was contemplating ‘castration’ and have had a ‘boob job’ have caused me extreme embarrassment.”

American Media is countersuing, claiming that calling someone transgender is “not an insult”… clearly the folks at American Media don’t remember elementary school.

What’s weird about this is that Richard Simmons seems to be really defensive of his manhood. If he’s retired to a life of solitude, why emerge to squash rumors that make no difference to his daily routine of visiting farmer’s markets in disguise and shopping for throw rugs online? My only explanation is that Richard needs his legendary balls’ reputation to remain intact, as he must still use them frequently and doesn’t want anyone barking up the wrong tree.