Dina Lohan: ‘My Daughter is Jesus’

Dina Lohan had her dream come true this morning when she was invited on The Today Show to talk about her daughter in front of real, live, working TV cameras that people will actually watch. While talking with Matt Lauer, Dina basically brushed off every legitimate question he asked and proceeded to paint Lindsay Lohan as a persecuted individual – She’s friends with murderers, you know – who’s the victim of an out-of-control judge that’s totally going to get fired, you guys. Via People:

Dina said that information will be coming out next week showing that the jurist had to remove herself from the case before she was about to be fired.
Defending Lindsay, who was at the Cannes Film Festival when she was expected in court in Los Angeles for a progress review, Dina said, “She was in [jail] for just missing a couple of classes and was working at the time.”
In addition, Dina noted, by Lindsay’s being behind bars, “She missed driving classes.” The actress also came into personal contact with murderers, said her mother, adding, “She made friends with them.”
Pressed about her daughter’s problems, Dina said, “That’s all propaganda,” and called tabloid coverage of Lindsay “pre-orchestrated. You’re reading things that are not based on fact.”

SHIT! She knows about the playbook!

But, no, seriously the real issue here is that Dina confirmed tabloid reports (Irony!) that Lindsay will be getting out of rehab early which is un-fucking-believable considering 90 days wasn’t even close to enough time to make it stick. The only true way to rehabilitate Lindsay is to sentence her to 18 years of being raised by an actual human being who’s not queen of the look-at-me harpies. Wipe the slate clean and start from scratch. Stop me if I’m making the entire field of psychology look like clown shoes.