While Brooke Mueller‘s been bouncing in and out of rehab and/or jail, Denise Richards stepped up and assumed temporary care of her twins Bob and Max because Charlie Sheen fills his mansion with porn stars. Except she’s quitting this bitch because they’re dead-eyed, shit-throwing zombies who tried to murder her dogs which seems odd for children created from the sperm of Charlie Sheen and the eggs of a crack addict. TMZ reports:
Sources connected with DCFS tell TMZ … Denise wrote a letter to the agency, saying the kids are violent and out of control, and she says it’s ALL Brooke’s fault.
DCFS sources say the letter details horrifying conduct. Denise says Bob and Max often go into a “zombie-like state” — they repeatedly kick her dogs in the head and squeeze their heads with both hands while watching the dogs whimper in pain. She also says the kids will flip from sweetly petting the dog to strangling the animals and lifting them off the ground by the neck.
According to the letter, Denise would tell the kids they were hurting the dogs, and Bob and Max would reply that they wanted to hurt and kill the dogs.
On top of that, the twins have been attacking teachers, classmates and Denise’s daughters when they’re not throwing shit at them. Actual shit. Meanwhile, Charlie is handling this delicate situation involving the developmental growth of two young boys with tact and decorum as his wont:
happy Bday Brooke when you're done sucking off the parking lot at Home Depot why don't ya 'blow' out this candle. c http://t.co/sw1K4LI7BS
— Charlie Sheen (@charliesheen) November 5, 2013
Okay, maybe that’s a tad overboard, but at least he’s not quoting Apocalypse Now and threatening to hang social workers in the town square as he becomes a force of nature with the winds of slaughter at his back:
“These crimes against my children will be exposed. These war criminals will be hanged at dusk to a cheering and jeering crowd, gathered together in love in support of all children who are mercilessly discarded like garbage by CPS. Which by the way stands for ‘CAN’T PROTECT SHITE.’”
Charlie ends with an ominous threat: “The storm is brewing. Their roofs are leaking. I am the Tsunami your mommy warned you about your whole childhood. All of you renegade deplorable pigs are marked for slaughter.”
“And as I cry havoc and unleash the dogs of war, the people of this city will scream for justice. ‘Let Charlie have his kids!’ they’ll say with muskets ready to mete out gale-force change like so many F18s. ‘Porn stars make great nannies!’ will be the cry from the hills. ‘What’s a little coke?’ these insatiable revolutionists will cheer as their shackles are loosed and they turn this festering fuckhole of a town into a smoldering pile of ash because I am the night! I’M BATMAN!”
Three Days Later…
“I was in a custody battle? Watch #AngerManagement only on FX!”