Not only did David Blaine fail his world record attempt, he almost died trying to do it. Reports are coming out that Blaine was having convulsions and was unconscious when he was finally pulled out of the water.
“I wasn’t focused on records; I was thinking of a rescue,” said the trainer, Kirk Krack, a free-diving expert. A day after the televised stunt, Blaine, defying doctors’ recommendations, checked himself out of Roosevelt Hospital. Friends took him out in a wheelchair then helped him walk to a waiting car. At home, he took a hot shower, played cards and was able to eat. But “he was crying,” last night said Dr. Murat Gunel, the head of Blaine’s medical team. “He still feels today that he let people down.”
If they had just left him in there for another two minutes he would’ve had the record. He was already unconscious so he wouldn’t even have noticed. Plus he’d be grateful because then he wouldn’t be such a devastating failure at life. There’s only one way to earn people’s respect and that’s to hold your breath for a really really long time. Sure, Abraham Lincoln put an end to slavery, but he couldn’t hold his breath worth shit. And that makes him a loser.
WD-40 | May 10, 2006 at 8:17 am
Total and complete LOSER!
BarbadoSlim | May 10, 2006 at 8:20 am
Poor David Blaine, yet I’m saddened by my complete inabilty to give a rat’s ass.
Doug | May 10, 2006 at 8:22 am
Blaine decided he would try to get attention by holding his breath? So basically he’s doing the same thing four-year-olds do when their parents say it’s time to leave the toy department and they don’t want to go . . . only he’s making millions at it.
Judgment: douche.
Dr.Rokter | May 10, 2006 at 8:25 am
It’s destined to be pointed out, so let me be the first to note that “Kirk Krack” sound like a gay porn name.
Also, I grew up holding my breath for long periods of time when I didn’t get exactly what I wanted. And nobody called *me* a deth-defying magician. Not even when I passed out and went over the rail of my parents deck and fell into my mom’s water garden. Fuckers.
Dr.Rokter | May 10, 2006 at 8:28 am
#3 Grrrr. Concurrent posts. Grrr.
BarbadoSlim | May 10, 2006 at 8:34 am
I’m left wondering, has society asked David Blaine to do this idiotic things? Is he doing it for charity? Is he a moron?
Vampyreska | May 10, 2006 at 8:37 am
Nobody like me. I am going to hold my breath underwater so people think I’m cool. I’m going to brag about breaking some dumb record, and then fail miserably at it so people think I am an even bigger idiot.
Maybe next year I will audition for American Idol.
Qdarks | May 10, 2006 at 8:38 am
Qdarks
Conductor71 | May 10, 2006 at 8:39 am
He is the class show-off writ large.
Next he will probably gridlock New York for 6 months and spend $500 billion on trying to do the world’s longest wheelie on a BMX. Or maybe drinking the most cum in a weekend, with a little help from The Cruiser
Sunniva | May 10, 2006 at 8:42 am
Kirk KRACK?! Anyway, let`s discuss the “news” about Britney`s pregnancy already. Enough with this suicidal loser. Talk about being desperate for attention.
CruisingForCock | May 10, 2006 at 8:49 am
Looks like they were just getting ready to make out.
Vampyreska | May 10, 2006 at 8:51 am
#8 Thanks for that insightful comment.
sweetcheeks | May 10, 2006 at 9:05 am
#4 — It’s good to see that “the Doctor is in.” I feel better already.
I was wrong to put you “on notice.” By the time I got through that thread I felt like Joe McCarthy, taking names and asking questions later. I am relieved that you are, in fact, NOT a communist.
For everyone else: David Blaine used to play Dungeons and Dragons with my older brother when I was a kid — only he went by the name “Black Wolf the Dragon Master” and was a ninth level sorcerer.
BarbadoSlim | May 10, 2006 at 9:17 am
@13 are you fucking kidding me?
If not, then sorry about your brother.
thatthingisgood | May 10, 2006 at 9:18 am
I would like to see anyone even attempt to hold their breath for half the time he was able to. Much less test their body’s ability to defy nature. He’s an entertainer and a sick street magic magician. I don’t think he failed anything. I think he’s amazing. Can we please get back to ripping on Paris Hilton or Britney Spears?
Zanna | May 10, 2006 at 9:19 am
You know what was a better stunt than David Blaine’s deathdefying breath holding? The fact that NO ONE did that annoying “first!” post.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
No_Angel | May 10, 2006 at 9:40 am
He’s a complete idiot. Of course he went he had a couple of seizures and almost died — anyone spending a week in a aquarium will lose electrolytes (unless he was drinking three gallons of Gatorade a day) because he’s in a fucking aquarium.
He’s as stupid as K-Fed and Brittany Spears in a nanny-hiring spree.
I hope, for his sake, that he goes to live in Bahrain with Michael Jackson (another pea-brain) and they live happily ever after, and leave the rest of us to rip on the real celebrities (you know, the really stupid ones.)
Bob | May 10, 2006 at 9:43 am
@15 – I completely agree
@16 – you noticing the power of Blaine, his power even spreads to sad little corners of the web
Smivey | May 10, 2006 at 9:45 am
Oh, David. Don’t cry. I’m not upset that you didn’t hold your breath long enough to break the world record. I’m pissed off because I had to sit through a two-hour show to watch an eight-minute stunt.
Proteon | May 10, 2006 at 9:50 am
“Reports are coming out that Blaine was having convulsions and was unconscious when he was finally pulled out of the water.”
Jesus Christ. Reports are coming out? Any dipshit who saw this live saw him convulsing and saw him unconcious when he came out of the water. I guess a few million people = reports are coming out.
I read today where reports are coming out that pop tarts are delicious. By contrast I read another article where reports are coming out that hot women are fuckable and celebrities are generally douchebags.
Stay tuned though, could just be bullshit.
Italian Stallion | May 10, 2006 at 10:04 am
My girlfriend was pregnant once and we went to the clinic and the doctor said “Stallion don’t worry about a thing, we can make this disappear”. And he did, now thats a fucking magician…………
frenchtoaststix | May 10, 2006 at 10:04 am
When he suspended himself in that transparent cage above London, I wanted the citizens to pelt him unconscious with crumpets. Now he has seizures doing a stupid underwater breath hold stunt. Give it up, Blaine. Houdini did this shit much better decades ago with more interesting hoopla. Perhaps he’ll die during the next stunt and we’ll all be spared the histrionics of this douchebag.
frenchtoaststix | May 10, 2006 at 10:06 am
#20 funny! Proteon, you rock!
#21 Stallion: Tacky.
sharkbite | May 10, 2006 at 10:08 am
I’m tired of him. Nextttt.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
PapaHotNuts | May 10, 2006 at 10:37 am
In a crowded business meeting one time, I held a fart in for more than 16 minutes. My friend noticed my sweating and potential convulsions and urged me to let it go. Unlike David Blaine, I didn’t have the benefit of professional assistance to aid in my rescue. So I blamed it on the fat black chick next to me. Now everyone calls her the ” Fat African Stink Machine”.
Jacq | May 10, 2006 at 10:41 am
I bet that tool bag cheats at cards. No, nevermind, he’s not very good at his tricks – as evidenced by the man himself. He just likes to play “poker.”
sweetcheeks | May 10, 2006 at 10:44 am
#14 — TRUE STORY.
My brother is now a successful attorney, but don’t think that I don’t bring up the D&D every chance I get. One time, as a joke, I replaced his Barry Smith* attorney-at-law business cards with some that read “Gabriazar the Infernal Voice: Third Level Elvin Rogue.” BOY was he pissed when he found out.
*not his real name so don’t try to google it.
Binky | May 10, 2006 at 10:51 am
The only time I find holding my breath useful is when someone farts.
With practise, within a minute or two – you usually can make a pretty clean get-away.
Fisher55 | May 10, 2006 at 11:13 am
Fat African Stink Machine?
PapaHotNuts | May 10, 2006 at 11:22 am
@ 29
Yea, it’s a cute little nickname people gave her. Sweet, ain’t it?
Feed_Me_Chocolate | May 10, 2006 at 11:31 am
Maybe Fisher would like it better if it was “GAY Fat African Stink Machine”.
Jacq | May 10, 2006 at 11:35 am
#27 – True, possibly. Sad, definitely. What in the fuck would make you admit to the close David connection? Are you trying to be like Sherry with Tom Cruise?
I bet you are one of those types who does bring up D&D every chance you get. Tool.
You should put infernal voice on your business cards, right under janitor.
Like #14 – I am sorry for your brother, too.
PapaHotNuts | May 10, 2006 at 11:35 am
Is Fisher55 black? If so, I apologize if I offended you. It was just a joke.
By the way, who did you steal that computer from?
TaiTai | May 10, 2006 at 11:36 am
I am going to hold my breath until Kirk Krack comes along and gives me some medicine.
86 | May 10, 2006 at 11:43 am
Two words: Who cares?
roflynsolo | May 10, 2006 at 11:48 am
#25-That was funny, but truthfully people genearlly know where the farts originate.
Fisher55 | May 10, 2006 at 11:49 am
A, I think Fat African Stink Machine is funny & plan to use it somehow, someday, thanks.
B, does “Fisher” sound black to you?
C, Feed_Me_Chocolate is a fat alcoholic slut
Fisher55 | May 10, 2006 at 11:50 am
D, how dare you refer to me as some spade?
BigJim | May 10, 2006 at 11:55 am
Spade? How about spook?
Feed_Me_Chocolate | May 10, 2006 at 11:57 am
A. Do you know what a joke is?
B. It’s okay to call someone “Fat African Stink Machine”, but not add “Gay”?
C. Calling someone fat who you’ve never seen is the lamest comeback in the book.
D. Seeing as how I’m married and I was a virgin when I met my husband, I don’t think the word “slut” applies to me. Yeah, now go ahead and call me a prude, it won’t offend me.
E. Lighten up, it’s The Superficial.
F. XOXOXO
Feed_Me_Chocolate | May 10, 2006 at 11:58 am
Tee hee, BigJim!
Fisher55 | May 10, 2006 at 12:01 pm
i ain’t no spook, jimbo
cornfed all-american cracker gayboy. eat it.
(inevitable “cornfed” joke tk, i’m sure)
Fisher55 | May 10, 2006 at 12:02 pm
I’m joking too, chocolate…i’m lily white and unoffended
Gerald Tarrant | May 10, 2006 at 12:03 pm
There is only one word in this story that makes me mad. If only that pesky little ‘almost’ word was removed from in front of ‘died’ I would have liked this story a whole lot better.
If Blaine wants to impress the world he should make Tom Cruise appear out of a closet.
Feed_Me_Chocolate | May 10, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Cornhole fed
Feed_Me_Chocolate | May 10, 2006 at 12:06 pm
All is forgiven. I’m glad I won’t have to add you on the “banned” list.
Celetina | May 10, 2006 at 12:09 pm
#40:
A) how clever
B) shut up
C) cocks in your fat mouth
D) no one cares
E) amen
F) shut up shut up shut up
While I congratulate this man for having a life goal, it seems kinda dumb to pursue it in the face of medical advice and all common sense. Being a magician doesn’t give you lungs of steel. Is he going to try to run a mile in under 4 minutes next?
Italian Stallion | May 10, 2006 at 12:11 pm
I rented a “Fat African Stink Machine” before, it was fun for the hour I had it, I just hit golfballs at it the whole time. Those were the days, but now Star Jones is to expensive to rent……………..
roflynsolo | May 10, 2006 at 12:17 pm
How did “spook” become associated with being black, I though spooks were ghosts who are either depicted as white or transparent.
JungleChik | May 10, 2006 at 12:21 pm
He should’ve just died in that damn tank and done the world a favor.