Dave Coulier’s Wiener Is What America Should Fear Right Now

“That’s it! That’s the one I saw sticking out of the curtains in my trailer!”

While terrified white America scrambles to defend their children from a threat as real as voter fraud, they had no clue of the pervert that’s been lurking in their mist this whole time, and it’s Dave Coulier. For a refresher, he played the perpetually single guy in his forties who lived in his friend’s basement and did ventriloquy with a stuffed beaver. No red flags there. And in real life, one time he stuck his dick through a photo of John Stamos’ face for a goof. I don’t even want to know the things Comet has seen. Via Fishwrapper:

It was for Bob’s 50th birthday. And we kidnapped him and took him to Vegas. When we picked up Bob, I got naked and sat in the limo and waited for him. And when he got in, laughs – this is horrible, I put my weiner through a hole in John Stamos’ 8″x10″ picture and it made everyone laugh. Bob took a picture of it. We went to Vegas and met Stamos at the hotel, gave the picture to John. He stuck his tongue through the exact same hole and then Bob showed him the picture he took! laughs

When your Vegas night starts out with you ghost-dicking your friend’s mouth, you are on some next level shit. And don’t forget the fact that for some reason he brought an 8×10 of Stamos along, which means he clearly premeditated the whole dick-tongue prank, making the whole thing even creepier. For anyone still wondering why the Olsen twins didn’t come back for Fuller House, I think we have our answer, and it’s Uncle “Surprise Dick” Joey. Think I’m blowing this whole thing out of proportion? The clues were there this whole time:

Full House Cast

Yep, I went deep for that shit, and it was worth it.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Getty