Daniel Radcliffe Was Not Masturbating All Over Hogwarts, Calm Down

Yo, my kidth watch that thit. Not cool, thon.

Daniel Radcliffe did a Playboy 20Q recently and because they’re a hip, sassy publication they peppered in a few questions about sex. Naughty! Unfortunately, some irresponsible media outlets took Daniel’s answer to Playboy’s astute question about whether or not he was constantly jacking off in his trailer on the set of the Potter films completely out of context. Via Mashable:

“It’s frustrating when you tell a story and say, ‘Yes, I wanked a lot when I was a teenager,’ but clearly I didn’t mean on set. Can you make this clear for me: I was not wanking during the filming of Potter – I managed to restrain myself until I got home.”

For the sake of Journalistic purity, here’s the complete exchange in its original Q&A form:

You spent all your teenage years making the Harry Potter movies. For most teenage boys, their lives revolve around finding a chance to masturbate. Is there time for that on a movie set?
Yeah, I was like every other teenager in that sense. My favorite line about masturbation is Louis C.K.’s, something like “I found out about it when I was 11, and I didn’t skip a day.” I think I started very early—before my teens. But not when I was on set. I wasn’t going, When is Alan Rickman going to nail this scene so I can run back to my trailer? There’s another feeling, again perfectly described by Louis C.K.: that fear just after you’ve jerked off that everyone knows what you did. It would have been embarrassing to walk back on set and look the dignitaries of British acting royalty in the eye, knowing what I’d been doing.

So, if I’m reading that correctly, Daniel Radcliffe just confirmed my long-held suspicion that old British actors have sensed it every single time I’ve masturbated. I’m sorry, Sir Alec Guinness, if I’d known all this time, I would have never raised my pinkie like that. Or ejaculated onto the scones. And now I’m thinking just a general apology might have done the trick here.

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