Cuba Gooding Jr. Said Tom Cruise Had Work Done

The last time we heard from Cuba Gooding Jr., he was saying OJ Simpson is innocent, so we’re clearly dealing with a man of questionable judgement. But then he went on Watch What Happens Live and told Andy Cohen he’s sure Tom Cruise has had cosmetic work done, so everything’s different now. I’m willing to listen to every detail of this story. Via Us Weekly:

“I don’t know what he’s had done, but I surprised him at his house one day, and he had all these little red dots over his face,” Gooding told a stunned and delighted Cohen as he played a game of Spill the Tea. “And I said, ‘You all right?’ and he said, ‘I didn’t know you were coming,'” Gooding, 48, added. “And I was like, ‘I can see why!'”

Allergic reaction to semen. I’m just going to put that out there up front because we’re all thinking it. But does this mean Cuba was telling the truth about OJ, too? Absolutely not, he killed the fuck out of those people. So that leaves only Xenu mind beams left as an explanation.

*ding dong* “Cuba! Oh.. Hey, I… I wasn’t expecting guests.”
“Holy shit, man, the fuck’s with your face?” *gets terrible headache, wakes up on Pearl Harbor set* “Wait, is that Michael Bay? Didn’t I just win an Oscar?” *gets terrible headache, wakes up on Daddy Day Camp set* “This is wrong, THIS IS ALL WRONG!” *gets terrible headache, wakes up in 2016 “OJ was innocent and Tom Cruise had plastic surgery. Fuck it, how much worse can my life get?”

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