Courtney Stodden Is Pregnant

With menopause just around the corner, it behooves Courtney Stodden to have a baby before the ol’ bread box dries up and/or her uterus is replaced with Peruvian tarmac as is the fashion. So she allegedly got pregnant and with all the publicity hounding bullshit that a nipple on Instagram would’ve easily covered. (She still has those, right? I honestly don’t know anymore.) Us Weekly reports:

“It’s a bittersweet time for me right now. I’m dealing with a lot of stress and emotions surrounding life and its ups and downs,” Stodden, 21, tells Us. “Doug and I weren’t planning on going public with this so soon. I’m only four weeks along in my pregnancy. But some things are out of your control.”

Only four weeks? Jesus. So somebody called Us Weekly before the pee-stick finished drying, and here’s the horseshit about how she had no choice because her mom was going to “leak” the news. Via Fishwrapper:

“I am 4 weeks along in my pregnancy. It’s exciting news for sure but it’s a lot for me to hold at the moment. This is the time you need love & comfort from your family and friends… especially from your own mother. The fractured relationship I have with my mom continues to cause me a lot of stress physically & emotionally”.

Of course, Courtney Stodden could’ve simply denied she’s pregnant, and then eight weeks from now said, “Just kidding! I am.” Except this post wouldn’t be happening right now along with a gallery of her topless cartoon tits for people to click on and hope there’s more of when she fakes a miscarriage in two weeks. And there will be.

*watches piece of soul break off and crumble into ashes*

Eh, still beats commuting.

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