Courtney Stodden Is Too ‘Enhanced’ For Playboy

September 4th, 2012 // 103 Comments
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In an effort to look like she’s an indecisive 18-year-old girl, the middle-aged plastic grab bag of parts known as Courtney Stodden tweeted that she is not doing porn now, but will definitely pose for Playboy:

No to porn … yes to @Playboy ;) xxx

Except Playboy wants absolutely nothing to do with Courtney because they’re apparently the last bastions of natural beauty now. TMZ reports:

But according to our Playboy sources, no offer has been made to Stodden nor will one EVER be made. Our sources say Stodden “doesn’t meet the standards of a Playboy model” … adding she looks too “enhanced.”
One source added, “[Playboy] would NEVER take her. I don’t think anybody really wants to see that anyway.”

“Although, to be fair,” the source added. “I’ve never been on the Internet or met anyone with a penis, but I don’t see how that would change anything.”

Photos: Coleman-Rayner

superficial

  1. it had to be said

    Her asking price must be too high.

  2. Cher X

    Look for her upcoming tweet:
    “Playboy won’t take my sensuous slippery slopes but YEAH JESUS CHRIST! “

  3. Frunken

    Certified penis owner and internet user. I have 0 interest in seeing her naked, or ever again.

  4. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    Frunken
    Commented on this photo:

    She’d make an excellent Kesha this Halloween.

    • Smacktard

      idk, Halloween is only a couple weeks away – you really think she could pack on 80 pounds of ugly fat between now & then?

  5. tom

    Can someone explain how this ugly ho suddenly came out of nowhere?

  6. Happy_Evil_Dude

    Come on Playboy, she’ll do it for a bag of chips.

  7. Bitch please….
    Also, to anyone who thinks “no one” would want to see this skank get naked, allow me to paraphrase Seth Rogen:
    “If someone told me there was a porno with Rosie O’Donell, I would watch it. And she’s a pig.”

    • VV

      This is so funny to me, probably because it’s true. I’m a straight chick and I’d watch it.

    • I think you’re confusing “want to see” with “would look at.”

      While I certainly would look at naked pictures of this chick were they presented to me, I have zero interest in her in particular. I’d look at them, go “yep, those are tits” and never think of it again.

      As an experiment I’ve tried masturbating to this chick before. My mind kept wandering to more interesting things, like what I’m going to have for dinner or whether or not I closed the garage door.

    • Kodos

      Please, that episode of NipTuck was bad enough.

  8. The Real Beef

    Playboy took Heidi and photoshopped her face from one photo onto another. I don’t believe the “sources” are any thing more than a guy with a subscription.

  9. So could she be the one who screws Hefner and makes him finally explode into a cloud of dust and penicillin?

  10. VV

    I think she is a total retard who deserves no recognition whatsoever, BUT – think it’s bullshit for playboy to say she looks too ‘enhanced’, seeing as Heidi who admitted she wanted to look like a doll was fair game. Just call it like it is instead of pretending that Playboy has some sort of highbrow standard to uphold.

  11. edod

    enhanced how? If were talking about her boobs i’ve seen plenty of playboy bunnies with fake boobs. i.e. holly madison.

  12. El Jefe

    I would actually buy a Playboy with her in it over the usual no name slags they have in it these days. My neighbor was in Playboy twice a couple of years ago and she has fake boobs and looks way more processed than this chick does.

  13. Deacon Jones

    C’mon Playboy…..you’ll put a 50 something Farrah Fawcett back in your mag but not this head case?

    There’s a reason you are going broke.

    • dooood

      not to mention anyone with a computer can now look at far more beautiful, more natural amateur internet porn stars for free whenever the hell they feel like it

  14. “No to porn…yes to Playboy.” Funny how a magazine that is designed around pictures of naked women isn’t considered pornography anymore. Yeah, I know, compared to the rest of the porn world, Playboy is basically Esquire with tasteful nude layouts, but there are plenty of places in America that don’t make any such distinction. You’ll see them in November: they’ll be marked in red on the map and will be hella pissed off that the black president got re-elected.

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      I thought we agreed to stop using the word “hella”, yes?

      no, über is not an acceptable alternative.

    • barancy peloma

      while i agree that there are some who fit your description, you sound like many hypocritical lefties who go around telling people to not be so closed-minded and not to stereotype people etc.
      while you in fact practice exactly what you preach against.
      you can just go on believing that your shit doesn’t stink.
      great job bringing in boring politics into an article that had NOTHING to with it.

    • Devilish Diva

      +100, TomFrank. When Republicants promise to outlaw porn, why don’t more people, men especially, speak up?
      OBAMA 2012!

      • barancy peloma

        what? you actually think only some republicans want to outlaw porn? i guarantee you there are plenty of lefties who want to ban it too.
        i am an independent and can say that far left progressives are EVERY BIT as controlling as the most socially conservative republican you will ever find.

  15. barancy peloma

    this broad is just plain gross. she has absolutely zero muscle tone and everything about her is just disgustingly fake. she is kind of like a turbocharged pam anderson.
    blech!!!!

  16. JC

    Yeah, I don’t get Playboy’s sudden onset of standards, either. Hell, they had a whole reality show featuring Hef and those three silicon-stuffed genero-blondes, and I don’t think they were any more interesting to look at than this skank.

  17. GLT

    She also needs to stop using that God-awful lipstick color. She looks vapid enough without makeup to help.

  18. Since she’s apparently made out of 80% recycled parts, does she technically qualify to be of age to be in porn/Playboy? Those plastic bits & pieces can’t all be 18yrs old.

  19. kimmykimkim

    She has inspired me to make a snuff film. She will be the star and I shall direct.

  20. Gary Grant

    She should do Maxim or Hustler.

  21. Diggy

    This is how we know Hef has that old man dementia. This girl is “too enhanced” but ol’ freckle-tits Lohan is PERFECT for Playboy.

  22. kimmykimkim

    I still don’t agree that this thing has been enhanced, unless you’re talking about sexual reassignment. But her tits? She’s always wearing a ton of padding and pushing them together as hard as she can. My best guess is that she’s no bigger than a C cup. However I also haven’t scrolled through all her pictures in order to really do full research because I’d like keep what’s left of my soul intact, thank you.

    • This is what I was scrolling down to post. Suddenly they’re concerned about “enhancements”? This sounds like an excuse to not feature someone who was once a dude. I’m not generally a “he’s gay/she’s gay/that’s a man, baby” person, but now I’m wondering about Courtney. The try-too-hard, the too-old makeup, the PR stunting … but she’s too “enhanced” for Playboy? Hmm.

  23. Mary Feeney

    Is this the same Playboy that did a spread on Heidi Montag? Yeah, I know that was before she was finished having her appearance surgically altered, but as others say, when did Playboy start having standards?

  24. Wlly Ketchum

    would pay to watch Lindsay Lohan use a big dildo on her while she recited shitty poetry

  25. Playboy? Try again. How about Penthouse if she is lucky and more than likely Hustler is her speed.

  26. ugh

    I think I believe that she hasn’t been “enhanced,” as least breastly. She just looks like she wears massive push up bras that make her look horribly augmented. Whoever it is who is pushing the hard, round boob aesthetic needs to be jailed.

    • Bobin

      Pushing your tits up to your neck has been the most atrocious trend. Her boobs aren’t filling up that bra. In fact I bet they are just covering the nips.

  27. Fuck Playboy. Do Hustler. And cut the bullshit, Courtney. You’ll be doing porn soon enough.

  28. anonym

    playboy is dead man walking.
    let them die.

    I want to see some gaping stodden pussy.

  29. Larry Flynt

    She’s too slutty for Playboy.
    But, just right for Hustler.

  30. MoJoTee

    Actually seeing photos of her unsuported bare breasts for the first time would answer a LOT of questions once and for all.

  31. This fresh-faced natural beauty? Too enhanced? Hef’s cataracts are surely to blame.

  32. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    pix
    Commented on this photo:

    she has GOT to be in her mid 30′s and shes just appalling. god, i feel so sorry for her. someones been lying to her and when she realises how the rest of the world sees her and with what contempt the public has for awful people like her, her self esteem will plummet from the already scarey depths its at now, to the bogs of the self-awareness swamp. she will end up killing herself. she reminds me of the “tanning mom.” my advice to her is to get medical insurance, cause shes gonna need some heavy-duty psychiatric care in afew years from now.

  33. Lulu

    I don’t know why people aren’t calling her out on her blatantly obvious bra-stuffing. This has been going on long enough! She’s always wearing this ’2 cup sizes too big,’ clear-strapped veal cutlet bra under shit! That time she wore the gawdy prom gown out in the road to walk her dog or CHRIST knows what, she was wearing it then. Fucking atrocious. In bikinis, the bikini top is far too big and is pulled down, allowing the bottoms of the triangles in the top to be filled and thus, the illusion of larger breasts. Ridiculous. Apparently no one else notices this?

    • Jack Ketch

      We’ve all noticed it … the bigger question is why the fuck does she do it in the first place because the tits are fake to begin with.

  34. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    duh man
    Commented on this photo:

    i’d like to punch her in the mouth … with my penis

  35. Ass/u/ming she’s not a man, baby … I would be kind of interested to see what she would look like handled by a professional stylist instead of the “drunken drill team captain walking home from the prom but then she has to wash a car” thing she usually has going.

  36. casual observer

    Too “enhanced” for Playboy? That’s saying a lot. Then again, once you do a centerfold on “enhanced” bimbos (Heidi Montag, September 2009), you lose the high ground in the argument.

    • Burt

      There also goes the argument that she’s too D-list. They just aren’t interested in her be she tries too hard. Can’t expect her to understand that sometimes it’s good to play hard to get since she probably married the first guy who asked her.

  37. Hawk

    No porn? Come on. You just know she has a “secret” sex tape she’s shopping around to the porn companies.

  38. People should be more thankful to Courtney Stodden. Thanks to her, we no longer have to see Heidi and Spencer. She is the NEW train wreck bleach blonde with plastic body parts.

  39. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    YEs
    Commented on this photo:

    The porn shoould be 30 Cock(s) cause she looks like the blonde from 30 Rock.

  40. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    YEs
    Commented on this photo:

    She really doesn’t do this enough.

  41. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    tigre
    Commented on this photo:

    You missed the car.

  42. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    tigre
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone needs to teach her how to properly wash a car.

  43. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    athena
    Commented on this photo:

    how the hell is it ok to take a pic like this of a under age girl???? exploitation is what it is, and this is food for a child predator because that is what she is!!

  44. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    renee
    Commented on this photo:

    SMELLY CROTCH!

  45. Courtney Stodden Lingerie Car Wash
    Gordon
    Commented on this photo:

    Oops .. I spilled something on the glass too.

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