Christina Aguilera’s Boyfriend Won’t Be Charged With DUI

The Superficial / April 18, 2011

After causing a media shitstorm following their arrests last month, Christina Aguilera’s boyfriend Matthew Rutler will not be charged with a DUI after all. Apparently his BAC came back only .06 instead of the .08 needed to be considered legally intoxicated, according to Us Magazine. My, what a convenient turn of events…

CHRISTINA: So remember how I let you live in the house after the divorce?
JORDAN: You want me to burrow into the LAPD and switch out Matt’s blood.
CHRISTINA: Bingo.
JORDAN: Only if I can see your boobs.
CHRISTINA: Nope.
JORDAN: A nipple?
CHRISTINA: Nope.
JORDAN: Can I eat that carrot with some dirt on it?
CHRISTINA: …. Half.
JORDAN: Done!

Photos: Splash News