Someone Obviously Told Christina Aguilera Stripes Are Slimming

March 30th, 2012 // 47 Comments

Christina Aguilera‘s weight has been a touchy subject lately to the point that Adam Levine sleeps in fear each night that he’ll wake up discovering a new definition of pain and suffering as he’s slowly digested over thousands of years. So to give credit where credit is due, here’s Christina at last night’s Lakers game looking noticeably smaller after breaking into a prison and saying, “All these stripes are mine now, see? Myeah, see? Myeah.” Later, she’ll attack Batman with an umbrella sword for diffusing her penguin bomb, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Photos: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. Internet

    Porkable. More ways than one.

    • Weirdo

      I’d glaze those hams!I

    • Richard McBeef

      The only way she’s porkable is to square her fat roasted ass up over a bed of veggies and then jam an apple in her mouth.

      • dooood

        pardon me but if i could be racist for just a minute.
        didn’t you say you was black?
        aint these obese white chicks all up in your wheelhouse?

    • phil mccracken

      Richard is apparently a turd poker, and is as flaming as those who run this site. A few extra lbs (very few now), but she is still damned tasty. And, her jugs are bigger than katy perry’s, for instance, yet how many posts about her “giant rack” have we had to suffer?

  2. blueberry

    muppets inspired post.

  3. I wonder how many layers of Spanx she has on.

  4. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Throw hot dogs in here, damn it!”

  5. Do_Freebird

    She’s looking much better than Lohan. Is that a compliment?

  6. Deacon Jones

    If all you see is yellow light when you kiss her, does that mean you like butter?

  7. Dick Hell

    Well yeah stripes are slimming, unless they make you look like a giant albino bee. No middle ground.

  8. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    See? If I go like this I can get a whole Jos. Louis in without biting it.

  9. KC

    At last, the Hamburglar unmasked! Can anyone say they are really surprised?

  10. lawn

    Vertical stripes, Xtina! Vertical!

  11. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    Commented on this photo:

    Look out Christina it’s a Virginia class nuclear submarine!
    [img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/30/Dangerous_Basketball-340_453.jpg[/img]

    Oh no, run for your life!

  12. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    El Jefe
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t feed the zebra.

  13. Definitely looks slimmer. Now, someone needs to tell her to scrape off half of the 20 pounds of makeup she wears.

  14. Buddy the Elf

    Shame they dont make face Spanx.

  15. Jester

    I lol’d.

  16. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    Commented on this photo:

    The exact moment they realized they were roofied by Grimace.

  17. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    Commented on this photo:

    “I got your text message, but I wasn’t sure what ‘robble robble’ meant so I thought I’d stop by.”

    • phil mccracken

      yeah…real original, as there’s a hamburglar reference posted an hour ago.
      Oh, and it’s “rubble-rubble” btw…

      Double fail.

  18. jen

    she does look smaller, but horizontal stripes are slimming. they’re very much the opposite, tend to make the wearer look wider.

  19. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    You're Desperate
    Commented on this photo:

    People are going to think you’re an ugly whore when you run around with a fat loser in a members only jacket.

  20. Do_Freebird

    She’s either using one strange tanning color, or her liver is shot from all the booze.

  21. it had to be said

    But her tits look big, so there’s that.

  22. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    shelooksfine
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks fab!! people should leave her alone, just cause shes famous …. i love that people FATTER than her are calling her out.

  23. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    Cough
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah I wouldn’t drink that.

  24. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    Wendy
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s always a guy in the background, pointing out the fat chick that used to be hot.

  25. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    Chalice
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d bend her over and let her see God.

  26. CVG

    she looks better but her skin is still not the right color…still a little orange-y

  27. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    chmod
    Commented on this photo:

    Besides the hair, I think she looks sexy. Her stomach appears flat. You should see the heifers that guys fawn over in the cam rooms I obviously don’t know exist.

  28. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    The Other White Meat
    Commented on this photo:

    Milian must be thinking: Me, getting pregnant? No fucking way!!!

  29. beat_weazel

    Definitely looking healthier than she has been. Shoes are silly tho.

  30. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    Joe
    Commented on this photo:

    The guy next to them is worth like 3 billion dollars.

  31. meh

    She wears so many fucking layers of makeup that she looks like different species. NASTY.

  32. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    An8
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks lovely

  33. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    An8
    Commented on this photo:

    What are you on about ? She looks great !

  34. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    bitch, please.
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face is the exact shade of yellow/orange as the two sweatshirts in the crowd behind Rutlers head.

  35. me

    someone obviously doesn’t know that only vertical stripes are slimming, not horizontal. nonetheless she looks great though!

  36. Christina Aguilera Striped Dress Laker Game Christina Milian Matthew Rutler
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    gross radioactive tan, bad make up, terrible outfit, still needs to lose 30 pounds. i think thats about it.

  37. duh

    A man obviously wrote this, strips makes you look wider especially thick strips.

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