Why Does Christina Aguilera’s Son Have A Black Eye?

August 24th, 2011 // 56 Comments

Because mommy drinks.

Or maybe this stuff. Who knows? Via TMZ:

The photo was taken yesterday afternoon at LAX — with rumors circulating that Christina’s “erratic behavior and alleged booze-filled outings” somehow contributed to Max’s accident.
But sources tells us, that’s total nonsense — 3-year-old Max was out with his nanny last week, chasing around squirrels … and the kid tripped over a rock and bruised his face.
According to our sources, Max was taken to the doctor immediately and everything was fine.

Taking into account who Max’s father is, I’m actually going to take Christina Aguilera‘s word on this one because everyone knows squirrels are the mole-man’s natural enemy. Max can’t help but chase them anymore than he can stop his obsession with drill bits and harvesting tubers. You don’t fight survival instincts honed over millions of years. That’s how those suckers the vole-people got their shit kicked in. “We’re not going to ride ferrets anymore,” they said. There were no survivors.

Photo: Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News


  1. truth

    The mole people reacted with hostility to his coming out into the sun to visit his mother.

  2. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Alberta Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    I paid him $20 to steal a pair of his moms panties and he didn’t deliver.

  3. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Commented on this photo:

    i think photographing “celebrities” is fine, but doing it to their kids and getting so close with the flashes is fucking stupid and I would punch a bitch that scared my kid like that.

  4. OK

    Another kid probably called his mom an annoying whore with an orange face, bleached hair, and bolt on tits so a fight ensued. The kid should have just agreed.

    PS: Her singing voice is also forced and fucking terrible, like fingers on a chalk bored amplified 1000 times and raised and lowered in tone.

  5. blimpie

    Exposing him to too much peroxide? Maybe. But accusing her of child abuse because he’s got a black eye is laughable. At least Christina seems to have lost some weight, no more miss piggy!

  6. it had to be said

    I’m glad I don’t merit a post every time my pre-schooler does some crazy shit and gets a bruise.

  7. imagen

    Celeb kids should be off limits. He’s probably freaking out because he’s tired and there’s a dozen guys with camera in his face. Or that his mom is Christina Aguilera. In all seriousness, that’s gotta be terrifying.

  8. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Commented on this photo:

    Her hand looks like carrots!

  9. Venom

    I don’t know, maybe because he is a fucking 3 year old little boy that runs around plays and other shit like that…

    • Clarence Beeks

      right? Things happen! I could tell the story of my life with the scars on my body from playing as a kid!

    • Jillia

      Thank you! Xtina can suck it for all I care, but this is so obviously a sorry excuse to call her out on “drinking problems” to stir up the drama simply because she’s a celebrity. Kids play and get hurt. And that’s how it should be.

  10. He got in a fight with Weston Cage.

    But you should see the other guy.

  11. me

    Looks like she had sex with the bully from The Christmas Story. Farkus Jr.

  12. 223-Chad Christina

    that sucks, a kid suffers a black eye, god damn fighting woes.

  13. Cock Dr

    Young burrowers often sustain minor head injuries when they start their dirt moving careers. Leave the poor little digger alone.

  14. Coco

    No, Junior! Mama’s potpie!

  15. AtomicMug

    The kid was being fresh, and she socked him in the eye.

    You gotta be firm with kids, or they’ll walk all over you.

    Kudos, Christina. There’s no school like the OLD school!

  16. Tiffany

    Little boys fall down all the time. Child abuse isn’t something to joke about or accuse people of without solid proof.

  17. Lindsay Lohan's Parents

    Man, if we had a nickel for every time Lindsay was running around chasin’ dealers for rocks …

  18. hmmmm

    oh he’s ginger. Poor kid.

  19. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Cardinal Ximenez
    Commented on this photo:

    He has a black eye because everytime mommy see’s him she see’s the ugly face of the moleman and mommy can’t help but strike out at the moleman.

  20. kimmykimkim

    Because she backhanded him for being an annoying little shit and killing her buzz?

  21. Weirdo

    I’d still screw her silly!

  22. Ego, the living planet

    Id still fuck this beast. Why not.

  23. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks petrified

  24. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    “You listen to Lady GaGa, sweetie, and mommy just gets so angry. No more, GaGa. No more. Mommy loves you!”

  25. Mr Obvious

    He got a black eye for touching his mama’s amazing breasts. I for one would have done the same.

  26. bbiowa

    Because momma’s tits are harder than granite.

  27. JuggNuttz

    maybe the little bastard deserved it…..

  28. I hear he beat the shit out of Randy Couture. Looks like Randy managed to sneak a punch in before he went down for the count.

  29. forrest gump

    this is very normal.

  30. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy Shit!!!! I’ve discovered a new Green Energy source. The static electricity generated by those thighs rubbing together could light up the city of Los Angeles for 40 years +!!!

  31. …because she’s an alcoholic. Should I say LushPuppy to make you feel better? Needs to switch onto smoke, candy & candles. Know what I mean?

  32. Beer Baron

    That kid already looks like he’s going to be a Fat Dork when he grows up.

  33. Lindsay

    oh maan. I sorta hoped their kid would look more like her. Sadly….

  34. The Winchester

    The real question should be why does Christina’s kid look like Lady GaGa?

  35. BernzOoOoMatic

    Speculating that she hit her kid could be damaging. I think she is an annoying cunt but this could hurt her and her child. People need to be careful before they open their mouths. If she did it I would be the first in line to blacken her eyes with a few slaps from my cock.
    My kids got a lot of black eyes and bruises growing up from playing sports and just being kids. I always hated the looks I would get in public from these fucking goody goody twats.

  36. whooptydooo

    A kid with a black eye?! Maybe he was being a kid and getting bruised up like kids do. Everyone on here is jumping to conclusions, your all fucking retarded!!

    • Just Saying...

      No one is seriously suggesting that she actually abused her kid… jokey, jokey, jokey… Get it? And you misspelled “you’re” while you were declaring everyone retarded.

  37. Eric

    Isn’t this post a bit (or a lot) hypocritical? It was sometime in the last week that you were bashing the asshole photogs for taking pictures of the Cruise kid writing that kids are off limits? Now here you are insinuating this kid is beaten. I’m all in for giving shit to adults…but this type of BS should be off limits.

  38. RandomTandemDotCom

    Ummm thats what kids do? they run around, they fall, they get banged up and bruised. She has never shown any reason to suspect her of abuse so people need to lay off! Gwen Stefani’s son has a broken arm, I dont see people on HER nuts! Leave these people alone.

    The kid has a black eye! So what! He fell. I could see if he showed signs of abuse, and showed up with black eyes and busted lips all the time. He’s a boy! He will have way more bruises, cuts and contusions than that going through his boyhood.

  39. RandomTandemDotCom

    that kid looks way too much like his father

  40. Cardinal Ximenez

    Kid looks like his father with that gaping lamprey sucker mouth.

    Poor kid never stood a chance… err wait… he’s going to inherit millions… never mind. He’ll get more poon than Lance Armstrong.

  41. girl

    Hey — no kids, remember? Why does anyone on this site need to comment about a kid?

  42. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Commented on this photo:

    “I… tripped… and I fell on my eye…”

  43. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Commented on this photo:

    i wonder why?? i wonder if he saw burlesque??

  44. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Commented on this photo:

    her son had a black eye because he was chasing squirrels in the park and he fell down

  45. Christina Aguilera Son Max Bratman Black Eye
    Commented on this photo:

    Loved her when she first came out. Disliked the whole dirrrty phase where she went from cute bulbby blonde to ghetto-accented whore (still bought all the music, though), then liked her again her for getting her act together, becoming classy, getting married, having a planned baby, etc. Now .not sure. And also I judge myself for putting so much thought into this yikes.

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