It’s Called A Sandwich, Christina Aguilera, Maybe You Should Try Eating One

October 10th, 2012 // 119 Comments

A few weeks back I joked that Christina Aguilera pretty much threw in the towel and said, “Fuck it, I’m Aretha Franklin now.” And like everything asshole thing that comes out of my mouth, that turned out to be the exact case because I control this reality and all those who dwell within. To prove my point, in the next hour a photo of a famous person followed by marginal penis-themed comedy will appear on this site. Then and only then, will you grasp the true nature of my power. REPENT!

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    realist
    Commented on this photo:

    …. purple people eater …

  2. PluckyChicken

    I would wreck that full-figured pussy and there would be no regrets.

  3. Ruckus

    She’s like two Karen Carpenters

  4. DLH

    I was going to say something mean, but the truth is, I’d still hit it.

    • Indeed. No work is getting done today, as all I’ll be doing is looking at these pics. Hope my office has a pants optional dress code.

  5. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Maxpower
    Commented on this photo:

    Am I doing this right? Do you think Kanye will call me now?

  6. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Juju
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know what you’re talking about, guys. Barney the Dino looks smashing, here.

  7. slippitybippity

    Anna Nicole, part double-deux?

  8. She *might* look cute if she wore some clothes that were in her actual size.

  9. FastFoodLocal151

    It’s like she let her ass loose in an all-you-can-eat Subway spree.

  10. Nature hates a vacuum. She’s filling the [large] void left by Anna Nicole Smith.

  11. Uhhh…you guys? Fish? Photo Boy? How long is it going to take you to notice your mistake? Clearly, these are pics of Coco.

  12. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Ronaldo
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow….there!

  13. Hdhdb

    So you’re telling me if you saw a woman with an ass like that walking down the street, you’d run away in horror at her fat-assery?

    I don’t mind you telling asshole jokes – WHEN THEY’RE FUNNY. How much longer are you gonna make posts about jessica simpson and christina aguilera being fat? It wasn’t that funny to begin with considering they’re not actually the conplete porkers you’re describing them as, but it’s definitely past the point of being funny now considering how many fucking times you’ve used these jokes. GET NEW MATERIAL FISH.

    • achilles wrath

      They are fat though! It’s not attractive, the funny part is they think it is.

      • Lil Benny Waffle

        They’re not fat though. They’re not stick-thin bitches like Jessica Alba, Minka Kelly, Gwen Stefani, or whatever boring chick you’re trying to convince me has an ass. Go enjoy those uggos. I’ll be hangin’ with Ms. Aguilera & Ms. Simpson.

      • Okay, yeah, true, we’re not talking Kevin James or Melissa McCarthy here. But take a look at this…

        [img]http://www.9sn.net/resim/Christina-Aguilera-Rolling-Stone-1999.jpg[/img]

        …and then tell me she’s not fat now.

      • achilles wrath

        Jessica Alba is a real woman, this woman is a hippo.

      • I would take a hippo-cratic oath to say I’d do her over Alba any day.

    • Dude of Dudes

      I LIKE EM ROUND AND BIG WHEN IM THROWIN A GIG.

    • mrsmass

      you lost all credibility when you said jessica simpson wasn’t fat.

    • Johnny Cage

      Your average person doesn’t really have a problem with the way Christina looks. Personally I’ve been pounding it uncontrollably to her in the past few weeks with her wearing all these tight dresses. You will find much opposition however from other chicks or gay guys. Personally I ignore comments and go “right click save as”

  14. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    TaT
    Commented on this photo:

    Chick is Looney Toons.

  15. ben

    Her shit’s all busted.

  16. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    dirtdog
    Commented on this photo:

    what a pig.

  17. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Jill_Ess
    Commented on this photo:

    “All that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimus.” – Mama June

  18. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    mbcl
    Commented on this photo:

    “Does this dress make me look fat ?”

  19. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Commented on this photo:

    Did someone say pie?!

  20. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Commented on this photo:

    “Finally becoming the fat bitch she was always meant to be.” Kelly Osbourne talking about Christina Aguilera on Fashion Police.

  21. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Baby got back
    Commented on this photo:

    Take that Kim

  22. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Commented on this photo:

    What difference 10 years makes.

    • Troll's Nighmare

      Most women go to shit after 30. Kid or no kid. It’s the 30 year curse… and my favorite holiday. Few more events satisfy more than watching arrogant cunts turn 30 and watch them realize their best years are behind them and their power over men is evaporating.

      • Help

        I’m 22 and now terrified. Time to hit the gym.

      • It cannot be stopped. MWAHhahahahahahahh.

        Nah, you’ll be fine. ;)

      • Troll's Nighmare

        Hit the gym ‘Help’ it’s good at any age. But you do yourself an even bigger favor if you have a nice personality. Then people will love you at 20, 40, or 60. Sadly, beauty fades no matter what you do. Some people just don’t realize it when they are young.

      • Miranda Veracruz De La Hoya Cardenal

        I am loving the shit out of my thirties. Early thirties. Seriously have never felt more confident or attractive in my life.

        BUT I agree with what you’re saying about arrogant cunts and that downward spiral they deserve to speed through.

        You’re my hero.

      • That’s because you’re a hotty. Miranda! With great hooters, I might add…

    • Jezebel

      I’m a genie in a bottle, baby.
      Gotta rub me the right way, honey.
      I’m a genie in a bottle, baby,
      Shit. I’m stuck! Get the grease!

    • mrsmass

      bitch looked good 2 years ago.

  23. So Snookie is blond now?

  24. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Commented on this photo:

    Must not stare at dress…Hypno-Boobs putting suggestion in my mind *Christina is thin* *Christina weighs only 110lbs*

  25. vandinz

    I would fuck that into next week. I bet it’s a right dirty in the bedroom, piss and shit everywhere.

  26. Dude of Dudes

    The genie needs a bigger bottle.

  27. ace11

    Looks like she had had a couple of Extra Value Meals

  28. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    momo
    Commented on this photo:

    Fullback

  29. Sy Sperling

    Looks swell to me. Get it? “Swell”? Still hit it, I would.

  30. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Commented on this photo:

    “I see the catererrrrrrrrrr!”

  31. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus, her leg literally looks like Aretha Franklin’s…

  32. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Imoss
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m just confused as to why shes beginning to look like Brooke Hogan?

  33. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Commented on this photo:

    i’d eat it…

  34. Kevin

    Adele died her hair blonde?

  35. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    xxaa
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks unhealthy, she’s got to slim down just a tad at least. That’s a lot of weight on her heart.

  36. cc

    Hippopotamus sounds nothing like sandwich.

  37. Miranda Veracruz De La Hoya Cardenal

    The genie in a bottle… of olive oil. And clearly not extra virgin.

  38. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    cocoa
    Commented on this photo:

    “do i smell porkchooooooooooooops?”

  39. Miranda Veracruz De La Hoya Cardenal

    Eat a sandwich?

    If we unzip her, I’m afraid we’ll find Jared.

  40. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    photog
    Commented on this photo:

    Mmmm, penis in the butt.

  41. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    GrandDragon
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like two pigs are fighting over a milk dud under there.

    • Diamond Dave

      The only milk dud you’re likely to find under there are some turds. How can she spread her cheeks to wipe her fat ass?

  42. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Commented on this photo:

    Is the moire patterning an artifact of the photo, or is it my brain attempting to spare me the horror of this purple war crime?

    • I suspect it’s the resolution of the camera setting conflicting with the number of threads-per-inch of the material making up her dress. it’s pretty trippy. In fact, omigod…I’m having a flashback-ack-ack-ack to 1968…I’m hallu-hallu-cina-cina-ting-ting-ting…

  43. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Manly Man
    Commented on this photo:

    She reminds me of every other part white, part latina female I know. When they are young, thin, and in shape, they tell everyone that they are white… all of a sudden they reach 30, gain weight, and tell everyone they are Ecuadorian.

  44. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Commented on this photo:

    Where spanx go to die.

  45. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    LilDeuceDeuce
    Commented on this photo:

    Nikki Blondesky.

  46. Sliver

    That cannot be a real picture. Really? REALLY?!?

  47. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    jess
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like miss piggy

  48. Sliver

    I wonder how much Weight Watchers is willing to throw at this money pit?

  49. festie

    that extra weight just makes it easier for her to grind down on my cock

  50. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Suzan
    Commented on this photo:

    I totally like Miss Piggy. No shame about the extra weight. Still gorgeous woman.

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