A few weeks back I joked that Christina Aguilera pretty much threw in the towel and said, “Fuck it, I’m Aretha Franklin now.” And like everything asshole thing that comes out of my mouth, that turned out to be the exact case because I control this reality and all those who dwell within. To prove my point, in the next hour a photo of a famous person followed by marginal penis-themed comedy will appear on this site. Then and only then, will you grasp the true nature of my power. REPENT!
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News
…. purple people eater …
I would do her Grimace-style.
Does that mean you’d grimace while doing it?
I would wreck that full-figured pussy and there would be no regrets.
That’s the problem with regret. You don’t always feel it immediately. But as you age it can get stronger and stronger.
Incredibly funny comment. Thank you.
She’s like two Karen Carpenters
And one Mama Cass
I was going to say something mean, but the truth is, I’d still hit it.
Indeed. No work is getting done today, as all I’ll be doing is looking at these pics. Hope my office has a pants optional dress code.
Am I doing this right? Do you think Kanye will call me now?
I don’t know what you’re talking about, guys. Barney the Dino looks smashing, here.
Anna Nicole, part double-deux?
She *might* look cute if she wore some clothes that were in her actual size.
It’s like she let her ass loose in an all-you-can-eat Subway spree.
Nature hates a vacuum. She’s filling the [large] void left by Anna Nicole Smith.
Uhhh…you guys? Fish? Photo Boy? How long is it going to take you to notice your mistake? Clearly, these are pics of Coco.
Wow….there!
So you’re telling me if you saw a woman with an ass like that walking down the street, you’d run away in horror at her fat-assery?
I don’t mind you telling asshole jokes – WHEN THEY’RE FUNNY. How much longer are you gonna make posts about jessica simpson and christina aguilera being fat? It wasn’t that funny to begin with considering they’re not actually the conplete porkers you’re describing them as, but it’s definitely past the point of being funny now considering how many fucking times you’ve used these jokes. GET NEW MATERIAL FISH.
They are fat though! It’s not attractive, the funny part is they think it is.
They’re not fat though. They’re not stick-thin bitches like Jessica Alba, Minka Kelly, Gwen Stefani, or whatever boring chick you’re trying to convince me has an ass. Go enjoy those uggos. I’ll be hangin’ with Ms. Aguilera & Ms. Simpson.
Okay, yeah, true, we’re not talking Kevin James or Melissa McCarthy here. But take a look at this…
[img]http://www.9sn.net/resim/Christina-Aguilera-Rolling-Stone-1999.jpg[/img]
…and then tell me she’s not fat now.
Jessica Alba is a real woman, this woman is a hippo.
I would take a hippo-cratic oath to say I’d do her over Alba any day.
I LIKE EM ROUND AND BIG WHEN IM THROWIN A GIG.
you lost all credibility when you said jessica simpson wasn’t fat.
Your average person doesn’t really have a problem with the way Christina looks. Personally I’ve been pounding it uncontrollably to her in the past few weeks with her wearing all these tight dresses. You will find much opposition however from other chicks or gay guys. Personally I ignore comments and go “right click save as”
Chick is Looney Toons.
Her shit’s all busted.
what a pig.
“All that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimus.” – Mama June
This is that Honey Boo Boo thing, isn’t it? Goddamn it…I really don’t want to be infected with anything from that freak show.
“Does this dress make me look fat ?”
Did someone say pie?!
“Finally becoming the fat bitch she was always meant to be.” Kelly Osbourne talking about Christina Aguilera on Fashion Police.
Take that Kim
What difference 10 years makes.
Most women go to shit after 30. Kid or no kid. It’s the 30 year curse… and my favorite holiday. Few more events satisfy more than watching arrogant cunts turn 30 and watch them realize their best years are behind them and their power over men is evaporating.
I’m 22 and now terrified. Time to hit the gym.
It cannot be stopped. MWAHhahahahahahahh.
Nah, you’ll be fine. ;)
Hit the gym ‘Help’ it’s good at any age. But you do yourself an even bigger favor if you have a nice personality. Then people will love you at 20, 40, or 60. Sadly, beauty fades no matter what you do. Some people just don’t realize it when they are young.
I am loving the shit out of my thirties. Early thirties. Seriously have never felt more confident or attractive in my life.
BUT I agree with what you’re saying about arrogant cunts and that downward spiral they deserve to speed through.
You’re my hero.
That’s because you’re a hotty. Miranda! With great hooters, I might add…
I’m a genie in a bottle, baby.
Gotta rub me the right way, honey.
I’m a genie in a bottle, baby,
Shit. I’m stuck! Get the grease!
bitch looked good 2 years ago.
So Snookie is blond now?
Must not stare at dress…Hypno-Boobs putting suggestion in my mind *Christina is thin* *Christina weighs only 110lbs*
I would fuck that into next week. I bet it’s a right dirty in the bedroom, piss and shit everywhere.
The genie needs a bigger bottle.
Looks like she had had a couple of Extra Value Meals
Fullback
Looks swell to me. Get it? “Swell”? Still hit it, I would.
“I see the catererrrrrrrrrr!”
Jesus, her leg literally looks like Aretha Franklin’s…
She looks like Aretha Franklin’s leg.
I’m just confused as to why shes beginning to look like Brooke Hogan?
No man-face, though.
i’d eat it…
Adele died her hair blonde?
She looks unhealthy, she’s got to slim down just a tad at least. That’s a lot of weight on her heart.
Hippopotamus sounds nothing like sandwich.
The genie in a bottle… of olive oil. And clearly not extra virgin.
“do i smell porkchooooooooooooops?”
Eat a sandwich?
If we unzip her, I’m afraid we’ll find Jared.
Mmmm, penis in the butt.
Looks like two pigs are fighting over a milk dud under there.
The only milk dud you’re likely to find under there are some turds. How can she spread her cheeks to wipe her fat ass?
Is the moire patterning an artifact of the photo, or is it my brain attempting to spare me the horror of this purple war crime?
I suspect it’s the resolution of the camera setting conflicting with the number of threads-per-inch of the material making up her dress. it’s pretty trippy. In fact, omigod…I’m having a flashback-ack-ack-ack to 1968…I’m hallu-hallu-cina-cina-ting-ting-ting…
She reminds me of every other part white, part latina female I know. When they are young, thin, and in shape, they tell everyone that they are white… all of a sudden they reach 30, gain weight, and tell everyone they are Ecuadorian.
Where spanx go to die.
Nikki Blondesky.
That cannot be a real picture. Really? REALLY?!?
looks like miss piggy
I wonder how much Weight Watchers is willing to throw at this money pit?
that extra weight just makes it easier for her to grind down on my cock
That made me laugh. :D
I totally like Miss Piggy. No shame about the extra weight. Still gorgeous woman.