BREAKING: Christina Aguilera Can Fit Into Jeans

Since the dawn of man, Christina Aguilera has always worn black tights or dresses she can easily menstruate out of onstage. So imagine my surprise to not only see her in jeans that aren’t jeggings, but her ass actually looks.. well, her ass actually evaporated and looked better when she was fat. Wow, being a woman really is a Greek tragedy, isn’t it? You’d think something like that would make them unpredictably emotional at the drop of a- Holy shit I get it now. *transforms into a beam of pure knowledge, ascends into the heavens*

Photos: Raef-Ramirez/AKM-GSI