Chris Pratt is Star-Lord in ‘Guardians of The Galaxy’

February 6th, 2013 // 16 Comments
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Chris Pratt gets to have sex with Anna Faris and now on top of that, he’s scored the lead in Marvel’s next superhero franchise Guardians of the Galaxy because he’s the son of The Devil. That’s the only explanation. The Devil ejaculated into a human woman, nine months later Chris Pratt popped out and said, “Hey, how about a bunch of awesome shit happens to me,” and via unholy magic it did. Deadline reports:

I hear the role will go to Chris Pratt, the Moneyball star who bulked up and played one of the hero Navy SEALs in Kathryn Bigelow’s Zero Dark Thirty. The role is Star-Lord, the Guardians leader who is the offspring of a human mother and an alien father. A puffier Pratt plays Andy Dwyer on the NBC series Parks And Recreation. He certainly has the charisma to hold the screen.

Chris Pratt reportedly beat out Joel Edgerton, Jack Huston, Jim Sturgess, Lee Pace and Eddie Redmayne who all killed themselves after learning they wouldn’t get to act next to a CGI raccoon voiced by Adam Sandler. What else do you do with that information?

Photos: Getty, Fame, Flynet, Splash News


  1. meh.
    i am SUN-RA in the Overlords Of The Universe.

  2. Deacon Jones

    As many comic books as I collected in the 90s, I can honestly say i’ve never even heard of “Guardians of the Galaxy”

    It sounds like some cheeseball title from DC from the 60s

    • It was a weird Marvel title that nobody I knew ever bought. I’d always see it at the store, but never picked it up. Even for a guy who regularly collected Silver Surfer and Excalibur, that one was just too weird looking.

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      I have never heard of Chris Pratt, Star-Lord, or Guardians of the Galaxy.

      I do not feel any sort of life enrichment in light of my new knowledge.

  3. Beer Baron

    This is a B-Level(I may be generous by even saying that) Marvel Team. The only reason it’s being made is to be a bridge from Avengers 1 and 2. They will battle Thanos(villain at the Avengers credits) and they will arrive on Earth to tell Earf’s Mightiest that oops, we can’t stop Big Bad Thanos. You help. And Avengers will be all “‘Merica”.

  4. Frank Burns

    The who? Dammit, Marvel, when are we going to get a Luke Cage movie!?! They should have done a ‘Heros for Hire’ movie before this team . . .

  5. I’m still waiting for that Howard the Duck reboot.

  6. Drundel

    Same dude from everwood right? I hope he hooked up with Emily VanCamp at some point.

  7. According to the United States Code Title 4 Chapter 1, Section 8d:

    “The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery. It should never be festooned, drawn back, nor up, in folds, but always allowed to fall free. Bunting of blue, white, and red, always arranged with the blue above, the white in the middle, and the red below, should be used for covering a speaker’s desk, draping the front of the platform, and for decoration in general.”

    So I think using the US flag as a nutsack holder/banana hammock is against regulation.

  8. Flesh Gordon

    He looks like a total pratt.

  9. So he’s doing the voice over for a furry woodland cartoon creature – that’s all this is, right? I hope so – this guy has about as much business wearing a spandex suit & playing a superhero as Seth Rogen or Artie Lange.

  10. This is like when you’re in a band and you need just a few more songs for the album so you start combing through all the old songs that you tossed aside. I feel the studios are going way way back into the Comic book archives and finding the ones that the interns doodled in between coffee runs for the real writers.

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