Chris Brown Stole A Chick’s Phone So He Wouldn’t End Up On ‘No Website.’ It Didn’t Work.

“I’mma do something retarded today.” – Chris Brown, each morning.

Chris Brown is a giant fucking idiot who does pretty much whatever he wants without fear of consequence, so what you’re about to read really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Via People:

Chris Brown faces new potential troubles with the law after allegedly snatching a woman’s iPhone as she tried to snap his
picture outside a Miami Beach nightclub.
Bitch, you ain’t going to put that on no website,” the singer, 22, angrily told the fan as he reached through his Bentley window around 4 a.m. Sunday and took the phone from her hands, according to a police report.

Circling back to that part where I said Chris Brown is a giant fucking idiot, his genius plan obviously backfired because now this story is on every single website, and it turns out he’s still on probation. So let’s get our good jerking hands out for the part where we all pretend Chris Brown will actually go to jail for this even though he basically got his butthole tongued by the court system after beating Rihanna into a parallel universe. TMZ reports:

If officials determine the allegations against Brown are true — that he “snatched” a cell phone from a woman in Florida — his probation could be revoked and he could be thrown in prison for 4 years.
As TMZ first reported, an arrest warrant has not been issued in Florida …at least not yet.

Of course, the real question here is what could this chick have possibly photographed that Chris Brown doesn’t want people seeing? If only we had some sort of clue. Some sort of hint that really takes this situation from behind and gives it that rough gay sex Chris Brown secretly likes. (I ran out of subtle bars.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN