Chris Brown Had A Seizure Because Y’All Be Hatin’

Chris Brown’s suffered from seizures ever since he was a small boy which technically is something one should be sympathetic to, but hoping he ironically bit his tongue off is a valid response, too. (You can’t see it because you have sin in your heart, but Jesus is nodding in agreement right now. And dunking from half court. DAAAAAAMMNNNN.) Anyway, you’d just assume that a pre-existing condition is explanation enough for Chris having one on Friday except, nope, it’s our fault for judging him for beating Rihanna. I’m not even fucking joking. TMZ reports:

Chris’ rep says the seizure was triggered by “intense fatigue and extreme emotional stress, both due to the continued onslaught of unfounded legal matters and the nonstop negativity.”

Interesting. I know I’m looking at the words “extreme emotional stress” from “nonstop negativity,” but all I’m reading is, “Chris Brown’s a giant pussy who strokes out at the slightest hint of criticism.” Does that mean I’m dyslexic? Because I hear Scientology can cure that. … It only makes you gay and you start thinking you can fly? Shut the fuck up. Since when?

Photos: Splash News, WENN