Chris Brown Can’t Be ‘Wife-ing’ Every Chick That Takes Him Back After He Almost Kills Her

May 6th, 2013 // 29 Comments
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In an interview with Australia’s The Kyle and Jackie Show, Chris Brown confirms that he broke up with Rihanna because he can’t be “wife-ing” somebody that young. Apparently he doesn’t know you can still punch women after you marry them? Who the fuck knows? Via E! News:

“Imma do it solo,” Brown continued. “I mean, at the end of the day, shawty doing her own thang, she on the road. It’s always gonna be love. I’m a grown man, just gotta fast forward.”
The singer makes it clear that his love for Rihanna hasn’t gone anywhere, but at this point in their lives, it’s just not practical, “I’m always gonna love that person. I cant be focused on wife-ing someone that young. I need to be the best Chris Brown I can be.”

“Son, let me break it down for you. Who looked at your phone when you were trying to text another woman?”
“Rihanna.”
“And who let you punch her in the face?”
“Rihanna.”
“Bite her neck?”
“Rihanna.”
“Choke her, slam her head against the car door, leave her for dead on the street?”
“Rihanna.”
“And after all that, who had the nerve to go the hospital where everyone found out about your business?”
“Rihanna.”
“See what I’m getting at?”
“Huh. Guess I never thought of it that way. Thanks, Dad!”

- Chris & Clinton Brown, April 30, 2013

Photos: Splash News

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  1. At the risk of sounding like a crotchety old stick-in-the-mud…

    SPEAK GODDAMNED ENGLISH, YOU FUCKING BRAIN-DEAD CRETIN.

  2. Deacon Jones

    “…shortly after finishing the interview, Mr Brown mutilated the face and genitals of the interviewer with his teeth and proceeded to defecate in his water bowl”

  3. Is anyone else really hoping that Chris Brown starts dating Kim Kardashian after Kanye dumps her?

  4. Cock Dr

    Translation: Douchebag Brown isn’t at all serious about Rihanna but he does still keep her on standby for booty calls.

  5. What is wrong with these monkeys? Why is learning the english language so goddamn hard for them? How the fuck do people come here from India, the Middle East, Africa and speak perfect english, but people born and raised here cannot?

    • Because self-esteem outranks actual performance in our education system. Alice and Bob can be functionally illiterate, but let’s pass them anyways so as not to hurt their feelings. God, I hope that Chris Brown’s accountant is Egyptian or something and embezzles all his fucking money.

  6. Lesson #1 on how to be the best Chris Brown you can be: die. Today.

  7. We should all take a step back here and realize that Chris Brown is actually operating with considerable foresight on this one. Think about it: he has identified the only foolproof way to avoid being called a wife-beater.

  8. This just means that Rihanna isn’t wife material even for a piece of shit like Chris Brown. You’re nothing more that a booty call to him.

    Sure you’re good enough to beat the shit out of and leave for dead in a ditch, but…marry? Hell no.

  9. JC

    There was an error in the transcription. He actually said, “I can’t be focused on knifing someone that young.”

  10. anonymous

    Smartest decision he has made in a LONG time. You bang whores ; you don’t marry them and you certainly don’t put your baby in them like Kanye. That’s why he looks so miserable all the time.

  11. It was about halfway through that I realized the part after the quote wasn’t intended to be read like Isaac Hayes singing Shaft.

  12. Bane

    Even for Ebonics, that was bad.

  13. Rihanna Naked Under Oversized Jacket
    some black guy
    Commented on this photo:

    As black man, every racist blogger’s stereotype that I try to fight against, this clown ass joker makes true. Any woman who dates this jack ass hoodlum and has a bad experience forfeits for life the right to say ‘All men are dogs’. If you date the king of rabid K-9′s with eyes wide open to what he is, then you can never complain about not finding a good man again.

  14. Rihanna Naked Under Oversized Jacket
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Did Chris Brown lose a ton of weight, or am I crazy?

  15. arealcad

    Bitch all you want about his slang, you’ll soon be hearing those wacky euphemisms burbling out the mouths of overeducated white boys and girls from the suburbs by the Fourth of July.

  16. Pyle

    These idiots can’t even form coherent sentences any more

  17. Deina

    Chris Brown is a fucking retard.

  18. Jenn

    Wife-ing, really? That boy is ate up with the dumbass.

  19. AnitaC24

    These two knuckleheads deserve each other. Between the Carib accent, Ebonics and pure ignorance — I don’t which one is dumber!

  20. Rhianna

    Kayne ain’t wife-ing neither.

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