Chris Brown’s New Pickup Line Presented By Doutzen Kroes In A Bikini

February 16th, 2012 // 26 Comments

Full Disclosure: The only way this could even be remotely true is if a.) God exists and b.) he’s funny as shit. Via Us Weekly:

Chris Brown — who pleaded guilty in 2009 for felony assault for hitting then-girlfriend Rihanna — confidently approached an attractive brunette Feb. 10 at the Lasio Professional Hair Care suite Grammy gift lounge and asked her, “Can I get your number? I promise I won’t beat you!”

While I really, really want to believe this happens, or even that Chris Brown just says “I promise I won’t beat you!” not so much as a pickup line but a disclaimer in general, unfortunately I already know this is exactly the wrong way for him to score chicks. They probably don’t even give him the time of day unless he’s fuming in some corner shaking a fist at them. “I know you didn’t just roll up on me all respectful-like. Uh huh.”

Photos: INFdaily


  1. God is Black

    Fuck Chris Brown. In prison he would be the meat! Doutzen Kroes is attractive but the guy should have the 6 pack not her!.Oh please eat!

    • Phylis

      Chris is Gay, hence the extreme violent hatred for women and al the gay sex he has reportedly had. Having his publicist created rumors that he picks up women is laughable because he prefers cock.

  2. Pudlian

    I love Doutzen Kroes! She has my favorite body of the VS Angels. I remember vividly her legs in that white one-piece — perfection.

  3. …Fish. Get off Chris “Beat a Hoe Down” Brown’s nuts already. You sound as if you feel left out he didn’t whoop your ass. So a bitch got her ass beat off—she is not the first and she definitely won’t be the last—or haven’t you gotten the memo?

  4. Son of a Dude

    The sad thing is the pickup line probably worked.

  5. Doutzen Kroes Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m ready for my anal.

    • Pabllo

      True story: Ashley & Jennifer were the ones who dumped chili on that VS dilpasy a few months ago. Everyone thought it was retaliation in anticipation of getting rejected from the fashion show again, but it was really a gesture of good will: a meal for the Angels after the show.

  6. Oprah is a big, fat, horrible cunt!

  7. Doutzen Kroes Bikini
    Isla di Gigolo
    Commented on this photo:

    See, even models have cellulite. Harsh sun rays are a motherfucka

  8. Clarence Beeks

    She is so fucking gorgeous. Love her.

  9. finally

    Doutzen is stunning !

  10. Doutzen Kroes Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Epic….very nice indeed.

  11. Schmidtler

    time to go out for a jog and put down the cheeseburgers, fatass!

  12. Doutzen Kroes Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like Hilary Duff in the face.

  13. the snowman

    she can’t be related to this american n*gger & loser.
    …………SHE IS DUTCH, folks!!

  14. Doutzen Kroes Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    okay, that’s not even fair. you guys DO realize she had a baby right?

  15. Doutzen Kroes Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Spongebob Square Pants

  16. Doutzen Kroes Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    F*ckin’ A.

  17. Doutzen Kroes Bikini
    Commented on this photo:


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