So Maybe Chris Brown’s Hit And Run Is Bad

June 27th, 2013 // 33 Comments
Wait, He's Innocent?
Chris Brown
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Yesterday, I linked to a report that Chris Brown was being charged with hit and run and basically joked that it would mean nothing. Except now comes details where it sounds like Chris Brown allegedly acted like Chris Brown, and I just realized he’s still in LA, so I don’t why I thought this would mean anything either. The judge will just send him a fruit basket. TMZ reports:

In a written statement to cops — obtained by TMZ — the victim, Olga Gure-Kovalenko says after Chris rear-ended her Mercedes, they pulled to the side of the road, got out and they both took pictures of the vehicles.
Things went South quickly when Olga asked for Chris’ driver’s license, registration and insurance info. Karrueche handed over HER DL, and Olga wisely said she needed to see Chris’ DL. Karrueche said she was the owner of the vehicle so Chris didn’t need to supply any info. Olga says she persisted and asked for Chris’ info.
When Chris and Karrueche refused to cooperate, Olga felt she needed to get a picture of the 2 of them in case they split. As soon as she snapped the pic (above), she says Chris and Karrueche went nuts.
Olga says, “The guy [Chris] tried to grab camera or me. I jumped back, the girl [Karrueche] screamed, ‘Don’t touch her, don’t touch her!’”
Olga says Chris then started to rant, “You are a bitch! Who do you think you are, bitch? Do you think if you driving Mercedes so got money, bitch?”
And then Olga says Chris dropped this, “Do you think I am just a black n***er.”
Olga says Chris continued screaming and then “slammed a door and drove away fast and noisy.”

I’ve been wondering why Chris Brown would leave Rihanna to get back with Karrueche Tran, and now I know. She reminds him every five minutes that hitting a woman will put him in jail whereas Rihanna would always be too busy Instagramming herself.

“Yo, I’m about to pop this bitch for burning my popcorn!”
“That’s nice, baby. Damn, I look good in this bathing suit…”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News


  1. JC

    “Do you think if you driving Mercedes so got money, bitch?”

    I wasted precious seconds from my day trying to parse that statement into a lucid thought a human might have. I failed.

    • Your first mistake was assuming Chris Brown is human.

      • JC

        I was trying to think of it more along the lines of when your dog makes a surprisingly human facial expression, and you say, “Aww look, he thinks he’s people!” even though you know your dog has a brain the size of a pea.

  2. Drew

    I enjoyed the part when his own girlfriend was scared he was going to beat the shit out of her.

  3. Jay

    Between watching the George Zimmerman trial and reading about this article, I am VERY entertained in the last 2 days

    • jay

      I didn’t know Chris was at the trial or had any first-hand knowledge of the incident with George Zimmerman.

  4. Karrueche Tran Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She iiiight.
    Is that the correct vernacular?

  5. EricLR

    Fortunately for him, the maximum sentence for a celebrity in LA is 90 days in rehab with no chance of maid service. And that’s only for capital murder.

  6. I think it’s hilarious that the press even talks about the possibility of jail time for this subhuman piece of shit. If he wasn’t locked away for almost beating a woman to death, he sure as hell isn’t going to see any punishment for this!

  7. The thing is, Chris suffers from an ‘image problem’. At this point, pretty much anyone could say “Just coz I got a hotel in my foot don’t make me a BOOGALEE-MOOGALEE-MOOGALEE!!” and punched me in the face, and then stole my left shoe”, and people would nod and say “yeah, that sounds like Chris Brown”.

  8. Edward Elizabeth Hitler

    Somebody seriously needs to beat the fucking shit out of this tatoo-covered pussy.

  9. cc

    I really wish he’d confront me like that. On a dark street. With no one to come to his aid.

    • anonymous

      Okay, Zimmerman… don’t you think getting your ass kicked once is enough? Just lucky to be the one to bring a gun to a fistfight….

  10. I hated him already for beating women, and now he’s pulling the race card out of the blue, while threatening violence again? Kill this dude!

  11. Karrueche Tran Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Middle school summer break has started.

  12. eh

    How is it a hit and run if they pulled over and exchanged information?

    • Dr. JFever

      Reread the post. She did and he didn’t.

      • eh

        That’s her story. And even from her story, she admits that he pulled over and it is clear that the registration and insurance were provided, and there is some dispute over whose license she got. His lawyer will have this taken care of in about 15 minutes of work. His client terminated the encounter once it became confrontational, which you are supposed to do.

      • Nice try, but “his client terminat[ing] the encounter” will be tough to sell since that client’s the one who provoked the confrontation by refusing to comply with the law – that’s why Mark Geragos is now claiming Brown sweetly complied with her request and gave her his VA driver’s license (he doesn’t have a CA one). It’s a moving violation with property damage, and as the driver, Brown is required by CA law to produce his license, and Tran is required to show registration and proof of insurance as the owner. Brown’s girlfriend’s insisting that all Gure-Kovalenko needed was her license, when she wasn’t the driver, is bullshit, and she was smart to take a picture of him behind the wheel. Not that the issue will actually go anywhere – it’s a misdemeanor – but it does show what a total douche he is 24/7.

  13. No sense in getting worked up over it. Just a typical Wednesday for Chris.

  14. Robb7

    Round and round we go — same shit story, just insert a different celeb and a slight variation of the dialog. There is no real justice in L.A. All these assholes get a pass over and over again because of overcrowded jails — so build more jails!

  15. anonymous

    Yeah lucky for him he does all this crap in California which means he’ll get a free pass as long as he can afford it.

  16. right

    Geragos loves every time Brown steps in shit. The guy is making a small fortune defending this asshole.

  17. Jenn

    “Hey! He’s an American and was standing on American soil which makes it perfectly ok to act a complete and utter fool.” -Reese -I’m not an attorney but I played one in the movies. Twice-Witherspoon

  18. The_Ouroboros

    The worst part of this, “In a statement written to the cops – Obtained by tmz…”

  19. I wish I could believe he would be going to jail, but we all know he is not. If he did not even get put in handcuffs for beating the shit out of a woman, fighting Drake in the club and throwing bottles and throwing a chair through the window of a building which could have injured people then he will never see jail. Someone way the fuck up high in Hollywood is protecting this pile of shit. The best chance of the world getting rid of him is another thug gunning him down in the street.

  20. D-chi

    He’s a monster.

  21. Karrueche Tran Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    100% heterosexual Chris Brown’s small-breasted, androgynous ex…who just happens to have massive man hands. Yep, nothing to see here…

  22. Karrueche Tran Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ewww, i can smell you from here”
    -Woman in background

  23. Karrueche Tran Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Christ! Look at the size of her hands!

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