Chris Brown’s Mom Got Him The Perfect Birthday Present

May 9th, 2011 // 81 Comments

“You didn’t like my cake? I’mma beat yo’ ass like you peeped my phone… HAHA! Psyche! We cool, we cool.”

Because still sitting in jail for assault is for chumps, Chris Brown celebrated his 22nd birthday in Vegas Saturday night and pretty much had a care-free time. Which makes it even more hilarious that his mom spent her weekend changing her tune and saying he needs to open up about Rihanna and plan to be questioned about it for the rest of his career. Via Popeater:

“He has to learn to deal with it and go on with his life,” the ‘Beautiful People’ singer’s devoted mother told Sister 2 Sister magazine. “This is something that happened; it was a huge mistake… It was not good at all. But he is still a human being and we all make mistakes and we live and we go on with it.”
… “I think he really needs to talk about the situation in itself, what actually happened to Rihanna… So that he can get that out for himself,” Hawkins continued, conceding that he should also prepare himself to field questions about the 2009 incident with Rihanna for the rest of his career. “He needs to learn to deal with it and answer it, no matter what.”

Awesome idea. Couldn’t agree more. In fact, I nominate the person who sat with him on Larry King Live and helped him give a bullshit apology just days after the incident so he can still albums to be the one to suggest this to him. I think you’ll find him both open and receptive provided your face isn’t female and/or a window. In which case, BITCH, RUN!

Photos: Getty


  1. horn dog

    Don’t care. But I *do* like the bride’s maid on the far right. Gorgeous and looks filthy. Daddy like!

  2. Chris Brown Birthday
    Hugh Jass
    Commented on this photo:

    yeah that’s ass sweat

  3. Maeby

    He’s 22?? I thought he was like 30 or something : /

  4. DOucHe BaGELs

    OMG if there is one person that can teach him a lesson, it’s Simon Adebisi right behind him!!

  5. Can we get a “Pink Star” strategically placed over this douche bags face?

  6. MILF

    I wish he’d celebrated with a chocolate cream pie… in prison.

  7. Chris Brown Birthday
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Seems like your typical tasteful b-day celebration there in the Sin City.
    Is that Montana Fishburne there doing a split for douchebag Brown?

  8. Chris Brown Birthday
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Who invited Britney to the party?

  9. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    In case you had to visualize what Lamar and Khloe’s perfume smells like…

  10. Chris Brown Birthday
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dammmn, dat bitch has some ashy pits!”

  11. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that Coolio on the right?

  12. tiffini

    This MAn. Beat . Up . A woman .



  13. MarkM

    If only his mom had used that abortion that his dad bought for her 22 years ago!

  14. Why is Michelle Obama stripping at Chris Brown’s bday party?

  15. Blumpkin

    “Because still sitting in jail for assault is for chumps”

    That thing from OVER 2 yrs ago with the other mouthy talentless african? Is this what youre referring to, china man? Why does this bother you so much princess?

    Is it because you:

    …wish you were Chris?
    …wish you were the other talentless retarded girl?
    …wish you were black?
    …wish you could pretend to sing?
    …wish you were…I dont know!!!! Im out of things to say related to this 2+ YEAR OLD STORY that you consistently cry about pretending to be some beacon of justice for women…you do-gooder you.

    Taping your slanted eyes open with duct tape just so that you can get a better view of star jones when you bust a nut doesnt qualify you as a card carrying feminist fish.

    ahhhh the hypocrisy. THOUSANDS of WAY worse “crimes” going on (in Hollywood alone) and all you care about is Rhino and her vengeance on another talentless turd because it was someone of a different gender…like that matters. NO ONE is above an ass whipping.

    • Just for the record, I’m not Asian (Google harder), but clearly you’re the person I should defer to in the matters of racial justice.

    • Drew

      While the Asian remarks are highly uncalled for, the first part of his mothers statement are very true (about how we’re human beings and we all make pathetic choices, some worse than others. Get over it).

      Call him whatever you want, consider him a piece of shit and never forgive him, but stop glorifying it.

      The double standard is hilarious. Most of you twats wouldn’t even think twice hearing about some trailer trash cunt getting hit in the face on the news, but when it’s a pretty black bitch that can sing, you all care and act like he’s the antichrist because of an isolated occurrence. Fucking kids these days, sucking on their proverbial tit that is pop culture and acting like they give a shit about anyone but themselves. Please.

      • Old man in a filthy diaper

        Why is this animal, like all the lower types, grabbing his genitals in public?

      • kb

        For the record, I care when I hear about any instance of domestic violence. The reason this one continues to be important is because, two years on, he continues to act like it was some harmless incident and has never been sincerely apologetic for it. As long as this douchebag keeps having fans that defend him and people who listen to his music, it’s relevant to bring this up.

  16. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Black people, lowering the bar for strippers for nearly 100 years.

  17. Chase

    Maybe someone should of have punched him when he was a foetus !

  18. He’s 22 years old? So he was 19 when he punched out Rhianna? No wonder he acted like such an immature little punk about the whole thing, and continues to today. I thought the dumbass was like 35 years old and immature as all shit…turns out he’s just just barely acting immature for his actual age.

    All that being said, the only reason anyone knows his name today is for pulping Rhianna’s face, so he should be grateful about the whole thing.

    • Mandi

      Not. true.

      Chris Brown was famous before this happened. That’s part of why it was such a big deal. Just ’cause you didn’t know who he was doesn’t mean he wasn’t successful. To say that no one knew his name before is laughable.

      • The Listener

        I’m sorry, Mandi, but I gotta agree with McFeely on the fame thing. Rihanna was much more widely known because she’s a beautiful island girl from Barbados singing her “Umbrella” song (not just known to fans of R&B), but Chris Brown was mostly known to fans of R&B. Heck, I don’t know anyone who knew who he was until the situation with Rihanna.

      • Mandi

        @Listener… Maybe the disconnect here is age. I’m 24 and not overly into R&B, and lemme tell you… Chris Brown was EVERYWHERE. Hit singles, videos, award shows. He and Rihanna were the “it” couple. I’m not saying he was more famous than she was, but to suggest that he was some unknown is silly.

      • Jovy

        Gonna agree with Mandi on this one. I’ve never been into the little chimp or his music, but I heard about him WAY before the whole woman beating incident. Hell I knew who he was when I was a soph in high school, and I’m a junior in college now so you can do the math.

  19. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like he wants to jerk it so bad but he just can’t find anything to work with

  20. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    The man used to have sex with Rihanna (implied italics), and THIS is the best stripper they could find for his birthday??! His event people are lucky to be alive and in tact.

  21. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh no! That is its attack face! Everyone cower down and remain very still.

  22. Gina

    hes just such a gross man
    im not understanding how there are STILL girls that drool over him

  23. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    *puke* I don’t know if the pictures full of dimply strippers with chicken-wing arms or his face in this photo are more disturbing, but I wont be able to eat for a month.

    The least he could do is learn to look smooth. Ike Turner smooth or Joe Jackson smooth would be fine…but he looks straight up deranged.

  24. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this what they mean when they are referring to a yellowbone? Or does he have jaundice?

  25. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Her mom must be so proud.

  26. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought Puck retired from celebreality life.

  27. Dank

    Hold on, Chris Brown still has a career?

    Why do black guys like stripper whores with fat jiggly disgusting asses? Oh right, its all they can get. Right

  28. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s pretty evident where the right leg was inserted. It definitely fits.

  29. Chris Brown Birthday
    heywood jablomey
    Commented on this photo:

    his mouth is so wide open i can see his wiener being squeezed from inside his body.

  30. Yes, we are all human and make mistakes. And those of us who are famous should continue to be famous and make millions of dollars off of people with no taste in music even after spinning our girlfriend’s jaw around her face, like Daffy Duck’s beak.

  31. Aggie

    Assault is a not a mistake. It’s a crime.
    Other people who commit crimes have to deal with it for the rest of their lives in the form of a criminal record that will prevent them getting jobs, mortages, loans, and traveling outside their country. None of that will be a problem for this douchebag, the only way he’ll have to “live with it” is people asking about it in interviews. Boo hoo.

  32. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    oh honey, put on some fucking pants.

  33. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Alright…who put the hippo in lingerie again?

  34. Chris Brown Birthday
    Get over it
    Commented on this photo:

    drop it, BAM! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! crack that table!
    Love stripper parties. From there facial expressions, looks like an 8 on the richter scale.

  35. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he showing off his teeth for the bidders? Slaves need to have good teeth.

  36. Burt

    ““He has to learn to deal with it and go on with his life…”

    Really, who is she kidding? Who does she want to move on, him or us? Does a guy who surrounds himself with enablers and sycophants look like he’s doing any soul searching or feeling any remorse?

  37. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh.. my… GOD! Really?!?! That is some of the most unattractive…just… ugh. And for the smart ass who commented about “blacks lowering the bar for strippers” or whatever…. stfu. There are nasty strippers in all shapes, colors, sizes, etc. Go to a military town’s strip joint on a Tuesday night lol. Anyway, this pictures are totally unflattering… they should know that the paps don’t do airbrushing and should not have allowed themselves to be photographed lol

  38. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmm maybe they aren’t strippers.. maybe they are like over zealous fans lol I don’t know.. I just can’t believe.. that those are the kind of strippers he’d have at his party willingly…. lol

  39. sc4play

    Speaking of gifts, his mom should have bought him a pair of suspenders or at least a belt! Pull your pants up you ass clown! No one wants to see yo’ worn-out draws!! Damn!

  40. tlmck

    I am sick of people who pass off crimes as a “mistake”. Mistakes are something you erase with a pencil. I don’t think that would have worked on Rihanna’s face.

    Crimes, on the other hand, should be punished to the fullest extent of the law.

  41. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    I think if Chris Brown still love rihanna he should call her and let her known about his feelings. Discuss where they at and if things cannot work out ,just keep it friendly. But be the bigger person and find out from her first if she want him to move on in a relation with some one else or if she still have any feeling hidden, for him, feeling of love for him and wants to get back to gether.

  42. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    I think in order for chris brown to move on perfectly he has to check with rihann and find out frist form her if she is truely ok with him moving on with someone else or if she still love him and want a relationship back probably a quite one for now. In order to move on he has to clean up his past with rihanna and break the ice and talk to her know what going on with her heart and even if it does not work out they can be just good friends.

  43. puddleduck

    This no talent ass clown has to bleach his hair, grab his marble sized mansack, tattoo his chest, and show off his piss smelly underwear for attention…pathetic. Beating Rihanna is the least of his problems….he’s no where on his way to no place. He’s a cliche.

  44. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’d literally hit that.”

  45. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    Pull up your pants you fucking retard.

  46. Josh

    Why are people still talking like this happened yesterday? Sad, sad people. You realise you have a life of your own, dont you. Why spend so much time and effort complaining about someone you dont even know. He got the number 1 album in the country, it sold alot. Your efforts are futile. Put it to rest.

  47. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s just nasty.

  48. Chris Brown Birthday
    Commented on this photo:

    YES WE CAN!!!

  49. cc

    Venus, don’t stoop to this! Where did all the tennis money go?

  50. MLVC

    too bad this assfuck was not in that mansion with Mr. Bin Laden…that would be a good job for this idiot—human shield

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