Chet Haze Has Beef With Howard Stern

Chet Haze and Howard Stern apparently have an ongoing feud over which one of them a is a media juggernaut who literally revolutionized a broadcast medium and which one is Tom Hanks’ shitty, wealthy child who makes shitty rap songs and even shittier videos to go with them. People have been lining up on both sides of this issue, and by that I mean laughing at literally everything about Chet Haze, who hasn’t been doing himself any favors with seemingly unending Twitter rants, like this one from Monday where he threatens physical violence. Via Gossip Cop:

If you keep ignoring me it only proves you a P*SSY ( )V( )… I don’t gotta be a gangsta or from the hood to whoop your sickly ass… You been frail and weakly ya whole life! #frail #sickly #fragile you know I will f*ck you up hahaaaa #bitch… Howie… Do you have any idea how badly I am going to assault you when I see you… You can’t run from me forever knock knees… Howie… Listen. One day, maybe tomorrow, maybe 10 years from now, I am going to see you in person, and I am going to hurt you… I hope you travel with security!!! PLEASE have me on the show… I’ll sh*t on you and your yuppie side kicks on your own show… it’s a shame you don’t hang in the same circles as my family (not enough bread for that) cuz if you did I woulda already seen u.

Setting aside the fact the the son of America’s most beloved actor, birth name Chester Marlon Hanks, is calling out yuppies, you have to admit that only a real artist would think to use emoticons in a threat to beat someone’s ass, so I can’t believe he didn’t see that Chet Haze is an anagram for The Cheaz like I did upon learning of this guy’s existence (h/t Communications degree). The Cheaz is an infinitely better rap name, and I feel confident speaking for Howard Stern here in saying that if Chet adopts The Cheaz as his new persona, everyone involved, including myself, can agree to keep being white and boring. You’re Tom Hanks’ kid. You won life. Calm down, Chester.

Photo: Instagram