Charlotte Church is a tank

April 10th, 2007 // 274 Comments

I know Charlotte Church is pregnant, but this is pushing the limits of human comprehension. If she puts on any more weight my brain won’t even register that she’s a person anymore. It’ll just be, “Hey, why is that car wearing a bikini?”


  1. deborah


  2. veggi

    Don’t worry. Joe will like seeing your tits after prison.

  3. veggi

    and who cares. She sings Opera. Opera singers are fat. But really really really BAD top! What’s with the shitty bathing suits lately?

  4. rustytrawler

    who the fuck?

  5. deborah

    Damn I miss pregnant Britney…now that was some fun!

  6. 4x8x15x16x23x42

    Beach Whale!

  7. Rachelraquel

    she looks less preggo and more fat.
    When my friends were pregnant, they just got it in their tummies. I know some people are different, but oh my goodness, her’s is less in her stomach area than anywhere else!
    But are we forgetting to make fun of her corn rows?

  8. danielle

    Her bathing suit manages to make her boobs look as spread out and flat as possible(something every woman wants). She used to be so pretty, but yeah she looks more fat than pregnant.

  9. Ezekiel Rage

    who is she and why should I care?

  10. HollyJ

    Norway and Japan are the only two countries in the world that gleefully whale all they want in the face of international bans. Hopefully, this photo was taken on one of their beaches…right before the ship showed up.

  11. NicotineEyePatch

    It’s her job to sing. She knows what she looks like in that two-piece, and she doesn’t give a shit. Therefore, neither do I.

  12. Conky

    Who is this fatty and why should I care?

    Seriously, enough fat chicks already.

  13. DrPhowstus

    So I’m assuming she now qualifies as one of Kate Moss’s friends?

  14. whitegold

    a) I may be wrong, but wasn’t she that tiny little teenage singer? How the fuck did she end up looking like this?
    b) Again, I may be wrong, but isn’t she a teenage singer? This girl can’t be much more than 20? How’d she get pregnant? Lemme guess, her pervy 40 year old director started dating her?
    c) What’s happening with her is not pregnant fat, that’s just regular old fat! You can’t even tell she’s pregnant her, she’s just one big fat chick. Granted, not nearly as bad as Kate Moss’ friends!

  15. TurdFerguson

    Who the hell is this person?

  16. ivve

    I know she’s pregnant, but you’re really not supposed to put on more than about 35 pounds total during a pregnancy. She’s not even showing yet, and it looks like she’s already edging up on that 35lb mark.

  17. zan-x

    “Even god cant change the past…” He sure wont be able to do anything about those saggies of yours char..

  18. HollyJ

    If we opened her up and used our nails to scrape all the excess yellowy fat from around her organs and under her skin, I bet we could collectively fill a 5gallon bucket, at least.

    Of course, when we sewed her back up, her skin would be too big for her, and she’d look like an albino sharpei puppy.

  19. RTH

    When pregnant, I understand eating for 2 or whatever… but not 30. Jesus… Fatty Fat Fatterson.

    She’ll be frolicking on the beach in a tarp next week.

  20. veggi

    turdferguson, does your real name start with an M?

  21. rrd

    THAT is not baby fat. Unless the baby is in her thighs!

  22. woodhorse

    #13 not unless she masturbates in public. It’s Kate’s requirement, apparently.

  23. kamihi

    WTF is going on with this damn site, another British celeb?? Jordan, Victoria Beckham and now Charlotte Church if I wanted to read about these people I’d buy a British tabloid. I want AMerican trashy celebs not the ones in my own backyard.

  24. rrd

    And it’s not eating for two. It’s eating for 1.2. I only gained 27 pounds!

  25. veggi

    Kate Moss Blows. Up. Girls. into. baloons.

  26. woodhorse

    #18 How many “hobbies” do you have? and are they all illegal?

  27. YoungOne

    Isn’t Brittney smiling ear to ear over spilled semen on her shirt or hasn’t Jenna lost some more weight or sumtin? This just does not qualify as news….who the fuck is she anyways?

  28. First?! Am I first?!?!

  29. rrd

    Kate Moss masturbates in public?

  30. TurdFerguson

    Well, yes. Yes it does. Sure.

  31. zan-x

    Shes like a giant Wotsit.

  32. td

    Wow I just Googled small, medium, then large pictures of Charlotte Church. That’s a lot of gd bon bons and ice cream she’s eating.

  33. HollyJ

    26 – not in Guantanamo Bay =X

  34. KatieKates

    She is 21, certainly old enough to have a kid. but damn, this chick looks way more than just pregnant. Actually, she doesn’t even look pregnant. She just looks to be a lard ass.

    People who sing opera should be banned from sunbathing.

  35. HollyJ

    30, your real name is MurdFerguson??

  36. HollyJ

    My cat smells suspiciously like popcorn. Do you suppose she’s been cheating on me with another lap?

  37. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Jeeebus Christ Fish is this fatgirl day??

  38. kamihi

    shes way fatter than me so I love her very much.

  39. TurdFerguson

    It’s MRS. Turd Ferguson. Jeez.

  40. KatieKates

    This little wench sounds like a total turd. Can you believe she has her own reality show in Wales? Who would want to watch this washed-up bitch on tv?

    TV must suck in Wales.

  41. Mizcora

    Um, I’ve been pregnant twice. I don’t remember looking like Shamu when I was pregnant. That isn’t pregnancy fat on her, that is fat fat. She needs to stop eating junk and start exercising. She’s nasty.

  42. suzy


    and charlotte is suppose to be 4 months pregnant

    and this is old news.. i saw this picture a couple days ago

  43. p-britty

    IN OTHER NEWS…. Larry Birkhead has been found to be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby!

  44. lambman

    Charlotte Church hasn’t sang opera in years. She’s a pop star in the UK, and a tabloid fixture….much like Lindsay and Britney are in the US. She’s pretty much known for partying and getting boozed up in public, but now she’s gotten pregnant by her Beckham wannabe metrosexual boyfriend

  45. NoSHIT?

    1.) Who is this?
    2.)Wtf is wrong with her bikini(is that the right word for that?)
    3.)Make her go away ASAP!!

  46. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Holy fuck Birkhead IS the daddy!!!!

  47. hoobastinker

    So she is a little heavy, just a little more cushion for the pushin. I would hit that young cooter hard.

  48. There's a Surprise Inside

    Larry Birkhead is the father of Dannielynn!!

  49. AreYouSerious?!?!

    ok larrys ben the dad for like 15 minutes! where is the new post?!@

  50. HollyJ

    almost 2 wks ago Entertainment Tonight hinted (from a ‘leak’) that Birkhead was the sperminator .. I’m glad tho – I hate that lawyer

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