Details of Brooke Mueller‘s restraining order against Charlie Sheen are being released, and it contains multiple instances of him acting like… well, Charlie Sheen. He’s of course denied all the accusations by calling Brooke’s sobriety into question which sounds reasonable until you realize, again, it’s Charlie Sheen who’s spent an entire week describing his past drug use as “winning.” So technically wouldn’t she be winning, too, or am I trying to jam a logic-shaped peg into a crazy hole? At any rate, here’s some of the details including Charlie’s alleged plan to have his manager “knocked off” with that army of assassins he was talking about. Via People:
Despite Sheen’s insistence that he’s not anti-Semitic in light of his rants against Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre, Mueller provided the court a copy of a text message from Sheen that read, “I must execute mark b like the stoopid jew pig that he is,” an apparent reference to his manager Mark Burg.
Mueller, in describing one of Sheen’s “increasingly erratic statements” says Sheen recently requested $20,000 in cash back from child support payments in exchange for a new home he was going to buy her, so that he could “have untraceable cash to ‘knock off a few people’ because ‘the people I hate violently are going to get severely punished.’”
She also alleges that following the Christmas Day fight, Sheen told her, “I should have killed you when I had the chance.”
Brooke also claims on the way to the Bahamas, Charlie randomly told people on the plane “that he hated his ex-wife, Denise Richards, violently and he was going to have her hair shaved off.”
Brooke says while they were in the Bahamas last week, Charlie blurted out, “I’m untouchable! I’m Charlie Sheen! I’m more famous than Obama!”
Look, I’m absolutely willing to concede that Brooke could be making this shit up because there’s literally nothing you can’t pretend Charlie Sheen has said at this point. Which is surprising because he always has “the best plan in the room” so you’d figure that would include recognizing 72 hours of crazy talk would set him up for that, but I digress. What’s important to remember here, and that so many people conveniently forget while tonguing Charlie’s ass with cries of “You’re a God!” is that two children were in a house with a VIOLENT DRUG ADDICT. To prove how adamant I am about that fact, I’m going to do something crazy to show just how fucking serious I am: LINK TO WWTDD.
You know what would’ve been awesome just then? A record scratch as a black guy goes, “Say whaaaaaa?”
Or Alfalfa’s cowlick popped back up. Either one.