To All The Idiots Who Were Ready To Vandalize A School Because Charlie Sheen Told You To

March 15th, 2013 // 55 Comments
Let's Attack A School
Charlie Sheen
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Late Wednesday night/Thursday morning Charlie Sheen went on a Twitter rant where he literally instructed his nine million followers to vandalize an elementary school because he claims his daughter Sam was bullied and they had to pull her out. Which a surprising amount of you who I assumed were smarter than this responded with, “Yeah, show that school!” and “Sign me up!” because apparently you’re fucking morons who somehow still think the “MaSheen” is #WINNING. So fun fact: turns out Sam hasn’t even been at that school since March 2012 which means Denise Richards already handled it like an adult an entire year ago by peacefully taking her tuition money elsewhere. Fortunately, the school didn’t have to beef up security and have cop cars outside all day yesterday to protect innocent kids from crazy people except, oh, wait, that’s exactly what happened. TMZ reports:

The rep says, “The parent of a former Viewpoint School student who has not attended Viewpoint School since March, 2012 has made certain accusations in the media … Our administrators addressed the issue appropriately [last year].”
The rep adds, “Our School takes accusations of bullying very seriously. For over 50 years, Viewpoint School has provided a safe and nurturing environment for our students to thrive, and we will continue to do so.
Viewpoint isn’t taking any chances with security though … there’s a large security presence outside as well as a police car.

You’d just assume at this point Charlie Sheen would’ve realized he fucked up here, but that would require his manic episodes to not last an entire month, so naturally he he doubled down:

Charlie goes on … his anger has been at a slow boil for months [12 to be exact - SW] and he just couldn’t stand it anymore and that’s why he waited, adding, “There’s no statute of limitations on bullying.”
As for why the dog poop … Charlie said “They [Viewpoint officials] needed a visual reminder not to forget the epidemic of bullying.”

I’m not even going to point out the irony that inciting nine million people to attack an elementary school – especially in this climate – is so far beyond bullying it’s practically terrorism, and simply make sure everyone knows that this whole episode started because Charlie Sheen snorted coke out of a hooker’s ass and went, “Wait, I’m mad about that school thing now.” This wasn’t about justice or bullying or even a parent standing up for his child, it was CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY! MUST DO SOMETHING CRAZY! So try and remember that the next time you find yourself gripping a dog turd outside of an elementary school because, “Dude was the MAN in Major League,” you goddamn idiots.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Denise Richards
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is Linda Hamilton from Terminator 2 picking up the Warlock’s kid?

  2. Sheen’s antics aside, bullying is a necessary part of childhood.

    • Totally agree. Kids coming up today are completely unprepared for any form of failure or adversity – which the real world hands out in spades.

      • There are no losers! Everybody Wins! Everyone gets a trophy! Yaaay!

      • No shit. That’s why I’ve taken to bullying my kids at home…. an ounce of prevention, as they say.

      • Hell yeah. People need to learn that the world is fucked up from a young age. Everybody’s not going to like, you won’t succeed at everything and life, in general, is shit for most people. Deal with it.

      • Sam

        School is a place to learn. Not a place to learn social skills. that’s why we suck in education as a country. Teach your children how to act appropriately at school so teacher’s don’t have to waste their time doing it for you. At $30k a year and a lot of course material to disseminate to 30 kids the last thing they want to do is mediate a fight because you didn’t hold your kid enough as a baby (or held him too much in a bad way).

        If you’re a dick, and you’re proud of your Dickish child, that’s fine. Just make sure they keep it at home. School probably isn’t that important anyway. Teach them how to use a grill and wash cars with their own urine instead.

      • Sam, if you think teachers anywhere in this country make $30,000 a year, you’re nuts. Chicago public school teachers average $89,000 salary per (9 month) year + $2.9 million in guaranteed retirement benefits, + paid time off + health benefits you can’t get in a private sector job (without paying the obamacare penalty for a ‘cadillac plan’, which teacher’s unions are exempt from).
        but yeah, throwing poop at the school is a bad thing.

    • Visible Ink

      Then you were either the bully thus a jerk or never been bullied. There is nothing good about getting your tooth kicked out or getting beaten up every week because, hell, the guy needs a hobby.

      • Or I was that skinny kid that sucked at sports, got pulled out of regular class and stuck in the smart kid program, and was constantly called “gook” because I was the closest thing to an asian kid in the school. My nose is jacked 2 degrees to the left because that big as fuck kid that failed 3 grades broke it for me in junior high.

        Meh, I’m better for it. And fuck all those guys, they are fat fucks driving semi trucks now or they died in afghanistan with much hilarity.

        I’m not saying that unrelenting bullying is a good thing, but I think having your ass beat a few times and being picked on is important for proper development.

      • Trek Girl

        You may have turned out pretty well in spite of all of that or because of all of that, but a lot of people don’t. They just take all of that crap they went through and do it to someone else, like a child or significant other.

        For every person who seems to have taken the bullying/abuse/harassment in stride, there is another person who took all of that and did it to someone else or turned it into a reason to drink, do drugs or just become bitter and mean.

      • Those people weren’t gonna make it anyway.

      • Noshit

        Exactly. It’s called survival of the fittest. Too many mollycoddled kids are causing evolution to fail.

      • Trek Girl

        It’s hilarious that you think “mollycoddled” children are causing “evolution to fail”. You actually said evolution. Oh man, that is an absurd way of thinking that a quick glance at history, recent or not, should be able to dispel. But, uh, you just keep thinking that.

      • Now I'm Winning

        Totally agree with McBeef here. I was tall, skinny, awkward and constantly bullied and beat up throughout elementary and middle school. Now when I go to reunions or connect with people from my past through Facebook I am quietly happy to see some of those people working shitty jobs driving a UPS truck or raking in a whopping 35K a year teaching P.E. at the same school we graduated from because they couldn’t make it anywhere else and couldn’t bear the thought of being a little fish in a big pond. Getting bullied made me tougher, so when I left my small Midwestern town I wasn’t afraid of failure or rejection, those guys were and crumbled when they found out they couldn’t compete in the real world. Now I get to work from home, travel the country for free and will probably retire at 55 while those dumbfucks are running a nail gun on the upholstery line at the local furniture factory.

    • Trek Girl

      That is BS of the highest order. Bullying, teasing – or assault and harassment, which is what a lot of bullying is and what it should really be called – does happen, but in no way shape or form is it a necessary part of life.

      If the problem is too many trophies, then the solution is to not give out so many trophies. If the problem is not enough work, then the solution is to provide them with practical work like farming, child or animal care, or community service projects. Basically, the solution to the problems you perceive is not bullying, it’s taking away what there is too much of or adding more of whatever is lacking so that the children have balanced lives and learn to be productive people.

    • Bullying can be said to be inversely necessary to Tae Kwon Do lessons. It’s like in physics, how two bodies can’t occupy the same space.

      • Trek Girl

        Bad behavior or experiences can be used for learning skills, arts, and becoming a better person, that is true, but those things aren’t required for all of that to happen.

        Those are things that *can* be used to bring about good results, but not something that *should* be used to bring about good results when it isn’t necessary.

      • Trek Girl

        I meant to type, “…but not things that *should* be used…”.

    • Cock Dr

      We can all see here that Beefy Boy, despite ample childhood bullying trauma, turned out just…um…er….well…he didn’t kill himself or others (that we know of).

  3. Cock Dr

    Decades ago this man was such a cutie.
    Hard drugs and severe mental illness aren’t good on the looks.

  4. JennywithaY

    So law enforcement is just going to let this slide? Awesome. I’m sure this will all just work out in the end, and certainly won’t end in horrific tragedy.

    Or Lindsay Lohan dead. Which ever comes first.

  5. God I so wish this douche would make a baby with Lindsay Lohan. Imagine the awesomeness of THAT train wreck. I’m surprised Fish isn’t somehow trying to make this happen. It would keep him in business for life!

    What’s that you say, Kim Kardashian has Kanye’s baby in her?

  6. stratacat

    heh. where i grew up, if someone fucked with you, you had to fight them. security guards would block the doors so no one could interfere. it wasn’t ideal. but at least none of the kids from my school are serving life sentences for mass murder.

    • Lindsay Lohan Nicotine Lungs

      Did any of them grow up and be a liar like you? I%u2019m sure security guards would put their jobs on the line block a hallway so a couple of punk kids could fight it out.

  7. logan

    Maybe this poor child was bullied because her father is a high profile ass. That’s what kids do, go for what stands out most in your life and verbally torture you with it. In Sam’s case her crazy winner of a Father that is all over the news, internet and gossip rags when he has a melt down.

  8. The Karate Kid wasn’t a victim. Sometimes you have to break out the Crane on Cobra Kai. While bullying can be extreme and that level requires outside intervention, most accusations of bullying have become a refuge for pussies (parents and kids) that cant cope.

    You learn a lot about yourself by actually living life and not hiding behind mom’s skirt.

  9. How many times a year do you think Denise Richards makes the lab re-run the results on the DNA tests, each time hoping that just once, they’ll say that Charlie isn’t the father and she can block him from all contact?

    • never – do you know how much $$$$ those alimony & child support checks are worth? Say what you want about Sheen, at least he’s gainfully employed.

  10. grobpilot

    When I was in junior high and high school, every now and then we got to witness a vicious fistfight between a couple hot-heads. The fight would be broken up and maybe a suspension was coming but we never saw the same two guys go at it again. They aired their grievance for all of us to enjoy and life continued. No one got shot and no police showed up. Hell, a couple guys tormented me for a couple weeks in 8th grade until I dotted the eyes of one of them and they never messed with me again and I was certainly no bad-ass. Schools have this “zero tolerance” crap in place and no one can even look sideways at anyone else for fear of being disciplined. So, all that aggression builds up and eventually explodes. Sometimes, the best thing to do is let them fight it out, especially boys. Quite often they become friends after they’ve beaten the shit out of each other. Not true for girls though, who become vindictive and vengeful and vow to make miserable the lives of all those they come in contact with for the rest of their lives. Can you tell I’ve been divorced?

    • How about the kid who thinks it’s ok to dress up in makeup and drag queen getups, and mouth off relentlessly at everyone – and can’t ever get punched for his trouble? That dipshit gets out of high school and is in for a big surprise in the real world, when he finds out there’s nobody to enforce any no bullying nonsense.

  11. Coke from a Hooker's Bottom

    If he did what you described that sounds like it is possible he could be charged. And I would welcome it. Inciting people to acts, especially where children may be harmed or traumatized, is over the line.

  12. Denise Richards
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, she’s skinny. Skinny is better than fat, thats for sure. But, when it comes to this kind of skinny, or Kate Upton kind of fat (if you dare call it that), I would choose Kate Upton over this. Skinny like this in the sack, isn’t as fun.

  13. If you’re stupid enough to listen to Charlie Sheen, you deserve everything that happens to you.

  14. Here’s the thing: My kid’s class has a boy who is a real dick. My kid is a girl so she doesn’t get much shit from this kid, but here are a couple of other boys who do. The REAL problem is that we don’t allow fighting any more. I tried to teach my kids that if ANYONE lays a hand on them, they have my permission to go totally medieval on that person until they stop moving. (My wife was totally against this by the way and it caused some strife in the old household..)
    The point is, if one of these boys would just knock this little f*cker out, I bet the bullying would cease immediately. Instead, we have to have meetings and petitions and the quiet. dorky little boys are still getting harassed.

    Kisa are basically animals…they don’t get the subtlety of interpersonal relationships. Sometimes they just have to straighten some asshole out. As they get older, they learn to communicate better and those former assholes always remember someone might not put up with his crap and the talking will stop.

    Jeez, I just read that and i sound crazy.

    • grobpilot

      It’s us crazy bastards who know how the world really works.

    • Trek Girl

      Children aren’t “basically animals”, they’re just children in the process of being trained/taught. The animalistic tendencies you see usually come from bad parenting.

      You are right, though some children, and adults, do just need to have their butts kicked — you know, because those are the natural consequences to their behavior. The thing that a of people don’t get, however, is that it’s the bullies who need to have their butts kicked, not the children who are being harassed and assaulted; those children just need to be taught how to protect themselves.You’re right about those meetings and negotiations as well; those are almost useless and usually end up causing more trouble for the child who is being harassed. You get this, but a lot others don’t, as one can see from previous comments.

  15. Denise Richards
    Commented on this photo:

    She needs to lay off the coke, not a good look for a mom.

  16. Denise Richards
    Commented on this photo:

    full time mom supported by charlie sheen.

    that’s gonna be a handful

  17. Noah

    The people that comment on this website are the scum of the earth

  18. Denise Richards
    Commented on this photo:

    I always thought Steven Tyler and Charlie Sheen made a cute couple together.

  19. Denise Richards
    So TRUE
    Commented on this photo:

    Fish the baby in her arms is the one she adopted…DAMN I LEARNED THAT FROM YOU HERE!

  20. “So fun fact: turns out Sam hasn’t even been at that school since March 2012 which means Denise Richards already handled it like an adult an entire year ago by peacefully taking her tuition money elsewhere.”

    Charlie Sheen: “Oh fuck! That was a year ago? I thought it was yesterday…goddamn alarm clocks NEVER go off on time!”

  21. right

    Charlie Sheen has done many kind acts for others recently. I’m sure he also does alot more behind the scenes that people never even hear about. That being said, he has gone off the rails on this one. Bullying is a very serious matter granted. However, this is not the solution.

  22. stan

    I think maybe dog poo is harmless and people shouldn’t take Charlie Sheen so seriously. I think if Stephen Colbert had said to throw dog poo at a school, then thousands of people would do it, it would be hilarious, and nobody except a very wealthy private school would be harmed in any way. And I’m sure that school could handle it. The reason anybody can think Stephen Colbert is awesome and Charlie Sheen is crazy is because they take Sheen seriously, which they shouldn’t. Imho

  23. So the bottom line is, no one showed up at this school to throw poop, no poop was thrown, no precious little children were harassed or had poop thrown at them. As far as we know, the school had zero credible threats of anyone expressing any interest in showing up to throw poop. So how is it Sheen’s fault they got their asses in a knot and spent money on extra security? I bet if Charlie had told Denise Richards he’d give her a half ounce of cocaine to throw poop at the school, she’d be on their front lawn now chucking crap with both hands.

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