Warner Bros: ‘Charlie Sheen is a Lying Junkie’

Speaking of delusional coke-addicts who think just saying shit makes it real, Charlie Sheen has made it a habit lately to say he’s “in discussions” to come back to Two and a Half Men. Probably because people keep walking out of his stage show, and yesterday he got greedy and asked for two blowjobs, setting him back two Bentleys. Anyway, Warner Bros. fired a letter to Charlie’s lawyer today making it abundantly clear that he will never return to the show. TMZ reports:

I am writing in response to recently reported statements attributed to your client Charlie Sheen that he is “in discussions” about returning to the series Two and a Half Men. Those statements are false. As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement with the series.

Of course, this can’t be right because Charlie’s show is specifically titled “Violent Torpedoes of Truth.” If you can’t a trust a man who says he has the blood of a jungle cat, then we might as well pack this whole society thing in and start from scratch. Only this time, let’s skip right to the part where we all wear Star Trek jumpsuits and fuck aliens. I don’t want to sit through another industrial revolution. Seems boring.

Photos: Splash News