Warner Bros: ‘Charlie Sheen is a Lying Junkie’

April 14th, 2011 // 33 Comments

Speaking of delusional coke-addicts who think just saying shit makes it real, Charlie Sheen has made it a habit lately to say he’s “in discussions” to come back to Two and a Half Men. Probably because people keep walking out of his stage show, and yesterday he got greedy and asked for two blowjobs, setting him back two Bentleys. Anyway, Warner Bros. fired a letter to Charlie’s lawyer today making it abundantly clear that he will never return to the show. TMZ reports:

I am writing in response to recently reported statements attributed to your client Charlie Sheen that he is “in discussions” about returning to the series Two and a Half Men. Those statements are false. As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement with the series.

Of course, this can’t be right because Charlie’s show is specifically titled “Violent Torpedoes of Truth.” If you can’t a trust a man who says he has the blood of a jungle cat, then we might as well pack this whole society thing in and start from scratch. Only this time, let’s skip right to the part where we all wear Star Trek jumpsuits and fuck aliens. I don’t want to sit through another industrial revolution. Seems boring.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Ed

    It’s true in Charlie’s mind and that’s all that matters . . .

  2. Charlie Sheen
    Ksurfiws
    Commented on this photo:

    is Doug Heffernan getting fatter?

  3. wonder if we didn’t have it easier when all we had to do was hunt and gather..
    do believe the wiggles tried bringing back the star trek look, it didn’t last

    • cherry toastems

      dude! remembering the wiggles now. i still sing the songs to my kids and they think i’m nuts.

  4. Charlie Sheen
    Commented on this photo:

    when it’s coming in that gray, you really should shave.. read: self-respect

  5. “Psst! Could I interest you in a pound of coke? No? How about a boyish looking porn star? No? Damn! I got nothing.”

    • Cock Dr

      “How about this “Winning” baseball cap?”

      • ManiacFive

        Round these parts, you offer a man a ‘Winning’ baseball cap, and he shoots you, buries you in the hills, and 3 months later tells the sheriff, he understands.

  6. Charlie Sheen
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    How many teeth have you got left in that scrambled head of yours?

  7. At this point I’d assume Emilio wouldn’t even join him for Men at Work 2.

  8. I’ve always wanted to bang a Tribble. I bet Spock would agree with me…

  9. Neil Young

    Just for the record, when I wrote “it’s better to burn out than to fade away,” I wasn’t writing about this mouse turd.

  10. Pretty soon they’ll be able to remake Apocalypse Now with Chazz as Kurtz.

  11. slappy magoo

    Uncle Charlie wants YOU…
    To light his cig and give him a blowy…

  12. The Critical Crassness

    Given the contents of that letter…the only “Violent Torpedo of Truth” that is associated with Charlie is the one launched by CBS and the producers of “2 and a Half Men”.

  13. I hope Emilio kicks his ass.

  14. I would like to see Charlie Sheen engage himself in a battle to the death a la Good Kirk/Bad Kirk.
    Imagine “Platoon” vs. “Cadence”.

  15. He really needs to get back on TV – he’s no good without a script. But let’s be serious; give him the script and he rakes in the $$…before putting it up his nose of course.

  16. “let’s skip right to the part where we all wear Star Trek jumpsuits and fuck aliens”
    The good news is that Sheen would be a red shirt.

  17. josh

    Anybody notice he’s wearing the jacket-shirt from Curb Your Enthusiasm?

  18. vitobonespur

    Is Chuckles really a Lying Junkie or is he so fucking deluded he just doesn’t know the difference anymore? On the other hand, maybe he never did.

  19. the captain

    charlie is a pain in the *SS for warner Bros.
    …………BET?

  20. Hitler von Killington

    “let’s skip right to the part where we all wear Star Trek jumpsuits and fuck aliens”

    Screw that, I want to wear a BSG viper pilot’s uniform and fuck sex-bots.

    What?

  21. I hear that Partnership for a Drug-free America has offered him the part of a fried egg.

    • jason

      why dont u guys fuck off and give him credit for standing up to these useles fucks that have so much money they try and lead us like puppets! finally someone is basically saying fuck u its my life i dont have to be a ‘role model’ so suck it up!
      by the way whos this site’s writer?? because u arent even slightly funny, in fact you are even worse than that idiot perez! what an embarassment u must be to your employers (if in fact u really get paid to be this lame lol)
      go ahead, reply, so i can tear u up u joke lol

      p.s. charlie if u see this look me up heisler_j@hotmail.com i’ll help u tear these geeks up!

      p.p.s. superficial u need a real writer, i literally hardly come here now your writers are at about a 5th grade level, literally….

  22. Bringbackbabalu

    Fact is, Warner Brothers is very possibly lying. Either way, they are losing, they are about bankrupt when it comes to making movies and tv shows. Charlie Sheen was like the best thing they have. Still, Sheen is a winner, and WB doesn’t know about winning. For the record, out of the last 5 years I see about 3 movies worth watching and they were all coproduced. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Warner_Bros._films

  23. Charlie Sheen
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sir, if you want soup you have to come through the front door of the shelter, like your friend in the hat behind you is doing.”

  24. Victoria

    Bringbackbabalu:

    You are delusional AND in denial.

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