Charlie Sheen: ‘Thanks, Everybody!’

February 3rd, 2011 // 28 Comments
Charlie Sheen

To show his appreciation for all that enabling this past week, Charlie Sheen has issued a statement thanking his bosses and loyal fans who stood by him through thick and thin because it’s not like he’s assaulting their over-stuffed, catchers mitt of a vagina with promises of Bentleys. — Yet. Oh, and also he think he’s Errol Flynn now. Probably should’ve mentioned that. Via Popeater:

“I have a lot of work to do to be able to return the support I have received from so many people. I want to say ‘thank-you’ to my fellow cast members, the crew of ‘Two and a Half Men’ and everyone at CBS and Warner Bros., especially Les Moonves & Bruce Rosenblum for their concern and support.
“And to my fans, your good wishes have touched me very much. Like Errol Flynn, who had to put down his sword on occasion, I just want to say, ‘thank-you.’”

Haha! The sword’s his penis.

As most outlets have pointed out, Errol Flynn was an iconic actor during the golden years of Hollywood who ran his career into the ground with drugs and woman only to die at 50 of a heart attack following a week-long bender. So either Charlie is trying to beat that record by going out at 45, or he’s just another drug addict who has no fucking clue what he’s talking about.

CHARLIE: Read this statement back to me. I think I nailed it this time.
PUBLICIST: *reads* This is just a doodle of you firing a giant erection at planes.
CHARLIE: Yeah, but it’s like one of those metaphors.
PUBLICIST: Metaphor for what?
CHARLIE: Society, man.
PUBLICIST: Then why did you write, “This is not a metaphor. I just really want to fuck an airplane,” at the bottom?
CHARLIE: It’s like this: You ever lose large chunks of time with absolutely no recollection of what took place, but you’re almost positive you were holding a grenade at one point?
PUBLICIST: …. There’s a dead body back there, isn’t there?
CHARLIE: What? No! — Severed head.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. its me fuckers

    “Errol Flynn was an iconic actor during the golden years of Hollywood who ran his career into the ground with drugs and woman only to die at 50 of a heart attack following a week-long bender”

    a hell of a way to go though. Isn’t this the American Dream? You can’t tell me he didn’t die with a big, satisfied grin on his face.

    • Anon

      Errol Flynn is the man. Great actor, gorgeous, legend… I seriously doubt we’ll be having any catch phrases such as “In like Sheen” coming around from this ordeal.

    • Burt

      Drugs, women (well, actually, underaged girls (was tried 3 times for statuatory rape), and possibly men if you believe the rumors. He apparently wanted his tombstone to read, “If it moved, Errol Flynn f… it.”

  2. Charlie Sheen
    Star Droppings
    Commented on this photo:

    In an effort avoid being the biggest news of the week, he’s just showing off the stolen necklace he’s not wearing.

  3. IttyBittyTittyCommittee

    Thank You Charlie
    I’ve never spent so much time on Pornhub.
    You’ve opened my eyes and zipper, thanx.

  4. MLVC

    die already you worthless ass bag…your movies and that stupid fucking show suck…overdose soon you fuckface….praise allah.

  5. He hangs out with Mexican prostitutes privately but gets white porn stars in trouble with the police, typical racist Spaniard.

  6. okamsrazor

    The man is a National Treasure!

    • babooda

      If the definition of “National Treasure” is over paid, drug addled, self-indulgent, idiot-savant with delusions of grandeur, then,”Yes!”, Charlie Sheen is national treasure. However, the “National Treasure of Columbia” needs to move his life back into the cave and quit taking up space that should be reserved for real,important, timely news like Justin Beiber’s latest BS, not this constant rehashing of the last 20 years of Charlie Sheen’s existence.( sarcasm intended)

  7. jojo

    So smoking cocaine and banging childlike whores is the new definition of swashbuckling? On guard, Mr. Sheen. On guard.

  8. Charlie Sheen
    BellaNY1
    Commented on this photo:

    Charlie dude !!!! Dont ya think its time to get a hold of your business (Demon’s)ect and get clean…you cant get any lower then rock bottom the next step is death dude and if your gonna do that try not to take any innocent people with ya.

    thanks
    bye~

  9. charlie, you’re wouldn’t be the second nor hundred second overpaid human to die of overindulgence. question is, when you kick do you want your daughters to be old enough that they remember you even existed say five years after you’re gone?

    tbh emilio is my favorite esteves. but you’re very special to the two kids you’re not fucking.

  10. tits

    I love you Charlie, you can have me for $49.95.

  11. joho777

    I believe that I once read that Errol Flynn preferred being on his yacht with his teenage whores. And they had a hell of a time getting him off the girls and back to the studio.

    So maybe Charlie does have some similarities to Errol Flynn.

    Actually, I don’t see what Charlie has done that is so bad. CBS and Warner Bros both knew that he has been acting this way (boozing, coke, and teenage hookers) for at least 20 years.

    So what’s the big deal now?

    Is it that the public is finally starting to find out? That’s a crappy reason to make Charlie go to rehab especially in his own home (what a joke – ha ha).

  12. a hell of a way to go though. Isn’t this the American Dream? You can’t tell me he didn’t die with a big, satisfied grin on his face.

    Yeah because when people die they always smile, always. Especially famous people, they all love dying. If your manager told you Moses died of drugs at fifty you’d be sucking moses’ cock as thank you fans satement, you dumb fuck.

    Nobody fucking cares. Read your lines, move the fuck on.

  13. Do more coke, pay more people to give you aids, drink more and do whatever the fuck you have to do to die. Real men don’t cower in fear at thier boss, do what you or you’re a pussy.

  14. CLC

    Flynn had a reputation for his womanizing, consumption of alcohol and brawling. His freewheeling, hedonistic lifestyle caught up with him in November 1942 when two under-age girls, Betty Hansen and Peggy Satterlee, accused him of statutory rape. –from Wikipedia. Awesome role model. Keep it Klassy!

  15. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Im at a point where I actually WANT this douchbag to die. I’ll be at his funeral. ill be the one in red dress dancin on his grave!

  16. Bucky Barnes

    Charlie certainly looks like the personification of sobriety in that photo. I finally understand the douche-hat he’s usually wearing, he probably picks it up by accident while reaching for the lampshade.

  17. Cock Dr

    Quite frankly this is an alarming trend I see.
    Exhibit #1 – Mel Gibson Once sexiest man alive. Now mule faced alcoholic psychopath
    Exhibit #2 Charlie Sheen Was once hot & sexy & appeared in quality films. Now a violent coke junkie & taking promiscuity to new levels.

    What former mantinee idol will come crashing down next? Will I see a post here one day that Harrison Ford is a meth addict having sex with the livestock on his ranch?

  18. He’d better be careful or he’ll find himself going out like Rock Hudson.

  19. Nik

    We all love you chalie! you have our love and support

  20. aine

    Soooo… Has anyone else noticed that he’s pretty much become his character from Ferris Bueller?

  21. aine

    On another note, I truly do feel sorry for his father. I have total respect for Martin Sheen. Pit he ended up with such a worthless scumbag for a son.

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