Charlie Sheen Didn’t Even Know What The Word ‘Warlock’ Meant

June 20th, 2012 // 34 Comments
Thanks, Charlie
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“You losers can’t touch me. I’M A CUISINART!”

If I haven’t made it smugly clear by now, one of my greatest pleasures is watching Charlie Sheen admit he was completely out of his mind last year during the whole #WINNING/goddesses fiasco that everyone thought was some grand performance piece and/or a legitimate act of sticking it to The Man. Turns out Charlie Sheen didn’t even understand the meaning of half the words he was using, they just sounded cool. Via his latest interview with Playboy:

PLAYBOY: Sean Penn called you a performance artist. Is it possible the whole year was one big hoax?
SHEEN: That’s cool that he said that. It’s a compliment, but it’s not what was going on. I didn’t have a master plan. I didn’t realize it was going to create such a global firestorm. At the time, it felt like I was watching a lot of it from above, you know what I mean?
PLAYBOY: Like an out-of-body ­experience?
SHEEN: Yeah. It was surreal. And it never occurred to me where this stuff was going to end up or how it was going to be perceived. I didn’t care about anything beyond the moment. And then I was a little shocked by how huge the whole thing became. It was like an organism you couldn’t stop. It kept growing.

PLAYBOY: You kept insisting you were winning when everything that was happening in your life and career at the time seemed like the complete opposite of winning.
SHEEN: Absolutely. I was in total denial.
PLAYBOY: Was it just positive thinking? If you say you’re winning enough times, maybe things will turn around?
SHEEN: It wasn’t that bleak in my head. I felt I was winning by finally being able to speak my mind. I felt that was some sort of victory. And then it was fueled by the insane public outpouring of support.
PLAYBOY: Not only were you winning, but you called yourself a warlock.
SHEEN: I didn’t know what the hell a warlock was; I just liked the way it sounded. It’s got war in it; it’s got a kah sound. War-lock. Remember the Salem warlock society? They were going to cast a hex on me.
PLAYBOY: Because you were making a mockery of their religion?
SHEEN: Something like that. I was hurting the warlock name. I was like, “Bring it on! I’ll eat your hex for breakfast.” [laughs] It’s so fucking stupid. I’m in a beef with a warlock society? You’re kidding me, right? How do you go from making Oliver Stone movies to being in a feud with warlocks?
PLAYBOY: The list goes on and on. Tiger blood, Adonis DNA, you’re on a drug called Charlie Sheen.
SHEEN: [Laughs] Most of it came out of nowhere. It wasn’t planned, it was just random. The tiger blood? I don’t know. It’s just a very dangerous animal. And there’s a tiger in Apocalypse Now, by the way, so maybe there’s a connection there. Adonis DNA? I don’t know what the fuck that was about. That was just stupid. That went a little far.

On top of admitting he barely speaks English – Way to help the Latino cause, Carlos. – Charlie Sheen also gets into how he’ll talk to his daughters about drugs which apparently involves him first making sure they didn’t get ripped off and then finding out if it’s the weed named after him (Charlie Sheen OG) which he makes it a point to say is an honor and numbs you right the hell up. Long story short: Someone knows Denise Richards can’t read.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News

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  1. Abby Normal

    Didn’t they find some tiger blood on Elin Nordegren’s 5-iron?

  2. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t think he’s crazy? He beheaded that black dude.

  3. Schmidtler

    “If I haven’t made it smugly clear by now, one of my greatest pleasures is watching Charlie Sheen admit he was completely out of his mind last year”

    funny, since last year, Charlie Sheen’s cashed a check for a hundred million dollars, signed on to a new show that pays him assloads of cash – and that’s already sold out its ads for the first season, banged Denise Richards along with an endless parade of hot young chicks, and circled the globe several times in his private cocaine jet. You go ahead, though, Fish, and relish that great joy of having made a random guess that turned out to be somewhat right.

    • He also fucked Bree Olson. That’s the only thing he’s done I’m jealous of. I knoew she’s a porn star, lay off me, I still want her badly. She just does it for me.

    • Joe

      Yeah, because it’s been established that the more money you make, the better person you are.

      The Olsen twins have net worth of $300 million, so they are among the greatest people who ever lived.

    • jason

      That’s what people don’t get, the guy is smart. You think he honestly regrets what he did? Or is he putting the advertisers worries at ease until he decides to walk away from this show. Its well established the guy knows how to invest his money. His career was never in danger either, he does love to piss off and enrage people who don’t like him and think they actually have a clue as to what he thinks or what is going on in his life lol. For the record I would do it for shits and giggles as well.

      • doood

        yea i mean we all respect him and admire his work.
        but he clearly made a fool of himself as well as anyone who had hired him.
        it is all ultimately of little consequence though. the man is a beast.
        he can’t be stopped!

      • No, he totally can…

      • Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

        Yes, he so freely chose to walk away from his show, that he chose to try and walk straight back into it, but they wouldn’t have him back. I don’t have a problem with the guy, but not even he always gets what he wants. No human does, no matter how much money they have.

  4. kimmykimkim

    Charlie Sheen OG?! I want some!

  5. Frank Burns

    I’m glad the guy is straightening himself out (I guess) and seems happier and more focused. That being said, some part of me wants to see him go off his meds and start dating Lindsay Lohan, to form the perfect hurricane of crazy.

    • Larry Mondello

      Bravo , Sir !
      Their offspring might actually break the Seventh Seal, and oblivion will descend on all of us .

  6. kimmykimkim

    Man, I hated Charlie Sheen so much during that whole fiasco. But now, after reading this interview, I gotta give him props for straight up admitting, “Dude, yeah, that was some crazy stupid shit. I have no idea what the fuck was coming out of my mouth.”

  7. FanGirl

    This website has been so boring lately. But its really not the sites fault, its the celebrities that have been acting boring. My favorite part right now is “the crap we missed” and I did enjoy alec baldwin and his blankie

  8. EmmaWatson's Vagina

    i knew that was gonna happen with the a witch group. although most of them ignored it.

    here is a link on what the average pagan/witch /warlock talks about:

    http://witchesandpagans.com/pagan-culture/opinion/238-pagan-men-unite-nw14

    • Schmidtler

      I don’t feel like clicking your link – can I just assume the average pagan / witch / warlock mostly talks about how uncool it is their parents buy all their clothes from J Crew and JC Penney?

  9. Parker

    I have to give him credit for laughing at himself now. It’s cause of him at I discovered Bree Olsen prefers anal sex.

  10. Eddie Baby

    He was crazy? Really? Who would have guessed?

  11. Double-J

    I wish the moral of every story could be that Sean Penn is a horse’s ass.

  12. Burt

    He still finds a way to refer to Platoon and Apocalypse Now in just a few sentences…Maybe he shouldn’t talk about being out of his mind in the past tense.

  13. Charlie Sheen Machete
    Ollie
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like he’s aged about 20 years in the last year or two.

  14. Dok

    There isn’t a Tiger in Apocalypse Now ? There isn’t even a Charlie Sheen in apocalupse now.

  15. Errol Flynn

    He looks like shit. I love the ever-present smoke pinched in his fingers. If he’s alive at 55 I will be shocked. His face is taking on a grey/strained, “I’m almost fucking dead”, desert lizard patina…..

  16. bond lety bond

    i love this guy

  17. Jane

    Admitting he barely speaks English? That’s a laugh, because I just searched if he can speak Spanish, and all of the top google links state that, although he is Hispanic, No- He can not speak Spanish. I have never seen him speaking Spamish? Have you? He also cannot play the piano, this guy is faker than Michael Jackson’s nose, and porn stars? Really people? It’d most likely be the same as throwing your tooth pick into a volcano of steaming hot herpes lava, so have fun with that! And, ugh, where does he get all of this arrogance? His wallet must be a billion times fatter than his face is ugly- cause man is he ugly!

  18. Jane

    Spanish*… And by the way, everyone here know than cuisinart means kitchen appliance, right? So… Beware of his toastery blendery microwaviestness… And as for the warlock comment, I just thought he was referring to the resemblance between him and the warlocks face at the end of Halloween town when he turns into that wrinkly gray leathery old disgusting nasty decrepit old man after he loses all of his powers, or in this case his powders… Haha

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