Charlie Sheen Really Wants To Have Sex With Denise Richards Again

Stop me if you heard this story before: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl get married. Girl falls out of love because boy goes apeshit over baby formula. Boy and girl divorce. Girl starts playing nice with boy for sake of children. Boy wants to fuck girl again but girl’s still using children’s books to explain why daddy believes he’s an F18 and throws ladies in the dumpsters. If you have, then welcome to Charlie Sheen’s latest interview with Rolling Stone where he openly professes to wanting to bang Denise Richards who, in his defense, probably can’t read:

On all that Denise Richard stuff I just said:
“Do I want to? Yeah! Does she? Don’t know.”

On how he was absolutely not winning and you were an idiot if you believed he was:
“Clearly, a guy gets fired, his relationships are in the toilet, he’s off on some fucking tour, there’s nothing ‘winning’ about any of that. I mean, how does a guy who’s obviously quicksanded, how does he consider any of it a victory? I was in total denial.”

On his foot fetish because apparently porn stars with the body of small boys and vaginas that looked like it survived Chernobyl isn’t enough:
“I’ve not dated girls because of their feet, just the length of certain toes and the shape of where things should be and they’re not. Hammertoes are bad. And the second toe being too long? That’s bad, too.”

Wow, what a completely rational statement. “I don’t date women because of their feet, that’s craziness. What I do do is systematically weed them out by the length of their toes, and if it’s too long, I wear nothing but a wide-open smoking jacket and chase them around my house firing a musket at them. I’m just a normal guy, you know?”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, LEON/AKM-GSI