Charlie Sheen’s Live Show Bombs, Wants His Old Job Back

April 3rd, 2011 // 64 Comments

If you haven’t heard by now, Charlie Sheen‘s “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not An Option” tour completely bombed during its first show in Detroit Saturday night which is shocking because anyone can do 80 minutes of stand-up. Right, mind of a drug addict? Anyway, turns out the show went basically as expected, so on that note, if you predicted Charlie would just sit around rehashing his Tiger Blood interviews and repeating catchphrases ad nauseum, pat yourself on the back because that’s exactly what happened which couldn’t even entertain an audience who willingly paid money to see him despite perfectly good crazy people rambling for free on the streets. TMZ reports:

We’re told Charlie called on Simon Rex for backup … sending him on stage to rap — and when that backfired they played the new track, “Winning” … which Snoop Dogg recorded for Charlie.
We’re told that got the crowd fired up … but when neither Snoop nor Charlie came out on stage they started booing again.
At that point most of the crowd started walking out — and the house lights were turned on.
We’re told Charlie did come back on stage briefly and invited the people who stayed to move up closer to the stage … but then he started complaining about his audio and walked off the stage.

Granted, I don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for a single person stupid enough to buy tickets to this thing and actually laughed when I found out Charlie told a guy who was booing, “I’ve already got your money, dude.” In fact, had Charlie just pulled a gun onstage and started indiscriminately mowing audience members down, even the most devout believer in intelligent design couldn’t deny some form of natural selection took place. Instead, these people were free to storm off to Applebee’s and talk about how funny The Hangover 2 looks because I dare you to tell me there’s not an overlap here.

However, since then, Charlie “rebooted” the show in time for Sunday’s performance just in case there were any doubts he’s pulling this thing entirely out of his ass. As of this post, there are no reports of audience members walking out – Though many already demanded refunds after Saturday’s bomb. – but apparently halfway through the show Charlie said he’s ready to go back to Two and a Half Men, which jives with an insider report from Hollywood Elsewhere earlier in the day:

“The word is from one of Charlie Sheen’s friends is that he’s in talks to return to Two & A Half Men, but along with traditional rehab he will have to write formal letters of apology to CBS, Warner Brothers and producer Chuck Lorre as well as make public statements to the same. There will be provisions in place that will ensure this doesn’t happen again during production.”

And, of course, Charlie Sheen wants his old job back: A. He’s broke. And B. He was making almost $2 million for only a few hours of wearing Hawaiian shirts and acting like a version of himself that doesn’t have his nose permanently lodged in a pile of cocaine and/or vaginas that look they gave birth a minute ago. And all he has to do to get that back is stop wearing his drug habit on his sleeve like a goddamn merit badge and accept he’s nothing more than a parrot saying lines. Or, you know, he can keep calling himself a warlock and fuck his way into the poorhouse. He’s the winner after all, and sometimes there’s nothing like a toothless hobo BJ to give you a real wake-up call. Or, in this case, declare yourself a “Rock Star from that Dumpster Behind Denny’s That Always Has Pancakes.” It’s a coin toss.

UPDATE: The second show reportedly received a standing ovation… because no one booed. Apparently the trick is to treat these things like the Special Olympics.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Ash Bones

    NO WAY!! First.

  2. Charlie Sheen Show Chicago
    firstRAM
    Commented on this photo:

    f1str

  3. DogBoy

    D is for Douche.

  4. That's Retarded

    That’s Retarded

  5. IA

    Apparently it was opening night jitters? only several more shows will tell, but apparently CHICAGO was winning.

    • Burt

      Nah, He didn’t know what he was getting himself into. The whole thing is a self-indulgent cash grab for him. He thought it was easy money. But, when you approach that kind of project without have any talent for such, you’re bound to fail. More so when you make grandiose promises to the ticket buyers. It’s funny how his “Torpedo of Truth” quickly became “An Evening with Charlie Answering Softball Questions from his Business Partner”.

    • noooooooooo

      Totally, minus the hired interviewer, complete format shift and total constraint in the biggest oh shit moment of 2011 when reality struck him on stage.

  6. DKNY

    I can’t believe anyone would be idiotic enough to pay to see this braindead moron put on a show that everyone else knew was going to be stupid. And then they complain that they didn’t get their money’s worth!

  7. Charlie Sheen Show Bombs Detroit
    allieb
    Commented on this photo:

    not even the lesbian kiss could save this show.

  8. La Di Da

    Pretty sure they got what they paid for.

  9. the one

    let’s put it different: THEY WANT “HIM” BACK, folks!!!!!!

  10. Charlie Sheen Show Bombs Detroit
    Commented on this photo:

    You know the show is doomed when the best part involves a Jeff Goldblum impersonation lacking in about 3 feet.

  11. Burt

    In other words, the first show was self-indulgent BS haphazardly thrown together without any prior rehearsal and the second was more of the same.

  12. Burt

    The guy is known for doing immense amounts of drugs, hookers, strippers, and porn stars…And the best he can come up with are stupid video montages that anyone can see for free on Youtube and a short chat? It shows an incredible lack of imagination on his part.

  13. jonny5

    Id buy that for a dollar!!

  14. Charlie Sheen Show Chicago
    effie
    Commented on this photo:

    wow, I didn’t know they could photoshop abs onto live shows.

  15. DogBoy

    Die, spammer scum. Die.

  16. James

    Ok first of all, let’s get this straight. The whole “winning” term spawned from Sheen’s idea that HE was somehow mistreated, when his bosses wouldn’t give him a million dollars a week any longer. In his drug-crazed mind, the “warlock” doesn’t seem to be getting the fact that people were laughing AT him, not WITH him “in support” of his “noble cause”.

    For a short while, I was entertained by the tiger blood quotes, the bizarre motivational one-liners – but I’m getting sick of it.

    • Burt

      “In his drug-crazed mind, the “warlock” doesn’t seem to be getting the fact that people were laughing AT him, not WITH him “in support” of his “noble cause”. ”

      Yes, the drugs and the fact he’s surrounded himself with sycophants and enablers. Hired friends, in other words.

  17. Charlie Sheen Show Bombs Detroit
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    they have big guts and cheap jeans ew

  18. Charlie Sheen Show Chicago
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww

  19. anonym

    what a fucking loser.

    his 15 minutes are up.

  20. Doc Schweinstrudel

    This freak is an epitome of a typical American male: wardrobe malfunction, ugly, promiscuous, obnoxious, ungreatful, megalomaniac alcohol/drugs user, women abuser, horrible fatther and which is the darkest sin of all NOT FUNNY.

    • The Critical Crassness

      And you sir, are the epitome of an idiot who has no real idea what typical American males are like at all. Charlie Sheen is the epitome of an overindulged, drug addict member of the entertainment community. He is not representative of any given nationality’s males but rather is an example of all that is the worst in human beings, greed, avarice, lies, lust and more. So take your sanctimonious, opinionated bullshit and shove it in the appropriate aperture of your bloated piece of crap body. Then STFU!

    • Uncle Sam

      Wow, somebody hates americans. Osama is that you?

    • spooky

      *ungrateful

      I won’t tell anyone though.

      • Doc Scweinstrudel

        why spooky? you are trying to shame me in making mistakes in the language that is not my native… Which foreign languages do you speak, dimwit?

    • felix

      Hey Doc: spoken like a proud member of the “master race”

  21. Early Monday for Fish.
    MK hasn’t even scratched the surface yet :)

    END TIMES.

  22. LJ

    Having the two “Goddeses” do some tongue action on stage is going to let Charlie write off the money he is paying them as a “production expense”.

    Nice to be able to write off the expense of your live-in hookers.

  23. oldfool

    Hey, experience AIDS in your mouth.

  24. Cock Dr

    It was nice of him to go topless. I’m sure some people appreciated that.
    It will be fun to watch the grovelling for the old job back. Letters of apology to the network & producers & back to rehab, accompanied by the obligatory talk show tour of contrition & regrets. Can’t wait.

  25. Charlie Sheen Show Bombs Detroit
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    There are the 2 most successful prostitutes in America right now.
    We should be happy that they were able to graduate to less demanding assignments.
    Especially little Bree.
    Compared to anal gang bangs this work must be like taking candy from a baby.

  26. Hmm lesbians.. isn’t that Winning by default?

  27. Charlie Sheen Show Chicago
    Fatood
    Commented on this photo:

    come at me bro!

  28. Charlie Sheen Show Chicago
    Commented on this photo:

    “i’m Bloody Loco…remember my name!”

  29. Charlie Sheen Show Bombs Detroit
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s so much less arousing when the whores are wearing clothing. Not winning at all.

  30. Charlie Sheen Show Chicago
    adolf hitler
    Commented on this photo:

    dude from man vs food? lol

  31. Buttercup

    “A penny saved is a penny earned.” While sitting at home, I’m rapidly climbing out of poverty level every time he performs. If he goes back to TV and people can watch for free, I’m going to have to work on looking for a job.

  32. Guess those hack writers (his words) really did know how to make him sound good.

    What a douchebag.

  33. Buttercup

    Almost forgot…we can finally put the chicken or egg debate far behind us. “Is Chuck Lorre or Charlie Sheen responsible for the success of 2 1/2 Men?” By process of elimination (of a script), it is clear that Chuck Lorre’s magic pen can turn a stone(er) into homes in the hills of Montecito (or anywhere else). He can also reduce it to gravel with the flick of his “off” switch.

  34. Charlie Sheen Show Chicago
    Commented on this photo:

    And as the shirt comes off, Charlie Sheen’s life has officially become an episode of “COPS.”

  35. Richard McBeef

    rehashing old interviews and repeating catch phrases – so Sheen’s running for president now?

  36. slappy magoo

    Charlie Sheen fans now were Axl Rose fans 15-20 years ago. The same douche nozzles who heard that Axl shows up late for shows, or not at all, and may only perform a song and a half before bitching about the mix and splitting…AND BOUGHT TICKETS ANYWAY.
    Why? Because if everything juuuuust right, it’s fucking epic. Or, you know, so they’ve been told, because those fucking epic nights seem to never happen.

    • ezra97

      …agreed.. and Courtney Love/Hole fans 8-12 years ago…except for they probably weren’t epic except to those really big fans.

  37. People love to watch their media stars fall hard, and if that star is willing to emcee the collapse AND sell tickets, the public will buy in. Booing is just the most natural form of participation in the event. They bought tickets for the right to be derisive in person.

    • Buttercup

      Yah, like buying tickets to a bullfight. You secretly want to see the bullfighter get gored cause it’s even more exciting and shocking.

      Sick.

  38. ghost

    You know who does great spoken-word shows? Henry Rollins. But then, Rollins prepares for shows by actually having something to talk about.

  39. Of all the drug addicts begging for attention in Detroit, this is the one people chose to give their money to. Pity isn’t without a sense of irony, I suppose.

  40. When Charlie gets panned, the Philistines win.

  41. Syd

    Curious how ol’ Charlie’s anti-semitic rants have been swept under the rug. Every post about mel gibson makes mention of him being a “jew-hater” or whatever, but here we have this asshole going off like Moussolini from the balcony, and NOTHING.
    I don’t know why, but it’s there. I guess the lesson is: atheists can slur the crap out of anyone.

  42. GuidotheRed

    I’m pretty sure that eagle is holding a rolled up $20 bill…which means that ribbon probably says “For nasal consumption only”

  43. Charlie Sheen Show Chicago
    Minkita
    Commented on this photo:

    Anyone else wondering why he has that wrap around his arm??? track-mark cover-ups, anyone???

  44. Charlie Sheen Show Bombs Detroit
    sasha
    Commented on this photo:

    This is all he’s got? Eh.

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