Charlie Sheen’s a Birther Now

April 20th, 2011 // 45 Comments

Considering this entire thing started with an interview on Alex Jones’ Infowars, it really should come as no surprise that Charlie Sheen went full-birther in Washington D.C. last night. For those of you who just come here for the pretty pictures, birthers are people who believe President Obama wasn’t born in America and is some form of secret, foreigner Manchurian candidate. So, naturally a psychotic drug addict is one of them. The Huffington Post reports:

Talking about a possible presidential run — Sheen defeated Obama amongst GOP voters in the same polls as his victories of Palin — he mused about the idea and then hit the birther sweet spot.
“For starters, I was f**king born here, how about that? And I got proof! Nothing photoshopped about my birth certificate.”

Of course, the crowd cheered for this, but then again these are people who paid $100+ to see Charlie Sheen, only to find themselves minutes later yelling the following whenever he wasn’t “talking about drugs or manhandling women,” according to the Washington Post:

“ENTERTAIN US,” boomed a male voice as Sheen waxed philosophical on the hard living of Dennis Hopper.

And now for my conspiracy theory:

TRUMP: Listen, here’s a couple of Bentleys I had laying around. I need you to embrace this birther thing so I have an excuse to back away from it before it sinks me.
SHEEN: So, you’re saying Obama really was born in America?
TRUMP: Ha! You’re hilarious. Of course he was. Only idiots believe that shit.
SHEEN: Right… idiots. I was just mucking it up with the comedy, you know me. Tiger blood, tiger blood, winning! A ha cha cha cha!
TRUMP: You really believed it, didn’t you?
SHEEN: He’s a shape-shifter!

Photos: Splash News


  1. 90% of the shit he says is weird.

  2. Amy

    Counting down to comments from mental patients with access to the Internetz in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

  3. When plugged in the cap allows Charlie to articulate a number of simple gestures and appropriate facial expressions.

  4. Keyser Ballsy

    His name isn’t even Charlie Sheen, it’s Carlos. Faker.


    Chuckles here is the “I Didn’t Do It” kid of 2011.

    I can’t even imagine the kind of fucking morons who paid money to see this idiot. Then again, given the applause for the “birther” horse shit, maybe I can.

  6. Lohan Stole my Necklace

    Circling. The. Drain.
    (Probably looking for his lost teeth.)

  7. Bob

    You know I’m not American so I have a different perspective. But Obama is one of the best things to happen to America, and the rest of the world, in a long time. I mean absolutley no offence by this but been born outside of America gives people a greater appreciation of what it is to be ‘American’. Look at snooki, born and bred american and all the rest of that utter f*cking trash. Then look at Schwarnegger and Obama, different political viewpoints but both know what it is to ‘be’ american because they were both born elsewhere (allegedly) and appreciate it.

    • Dan

      Now if we could only somehow impress this appreciation on the stupid white over-privileged college kids we have here…

    • one of many unemployed Americans paying $4 a gallon and watching inflation rise

      Fuck you, Bob. Go to Portugal if you like rampant government overreach and overspending!

  8. Brannie

    I wish this dude would get some help.

  9. Manthouartdust

    Martin Sheen has dug a grave just to roll in it.

    • melora

      “Martin Sheen has dug a grave just to roll in it.”
      OMG that’s funny. I had actually thought of that myself, Marting rolling in his grave if he had one, but I couldn’t have espressed it as well. Charlie has totally rejected the values of his family.

  10. Elle

    If I saw Charlie Sheen on the street I would avoid eye contact and hold my breath, just like I do with all the other hobos.

  11. Unsurprising, Sheen is a “911 truther” too. He’s got the clinically paranoid mindset that latches onto conspiracy theories.

    And maybe one of the Birthers out there can explain something to me. Does it matter WHERE he was born? Being born to an American citizen abroad still makes the child an american citizen. It’s not like every child born to an overseas diplomat, student, or military member has to go through naturalization.

    • MrsWrong

      Also…he may look black…but he’s just as white as he is African-American (I like to call him that cause he ACTUALLY is AFRICAN-American…)

      • dpbefun

        And I like to call him American…period.

      • who’s “black” or “white” comes down to skull shape, not skin color. in fact black is long discarded as a race, as negroid was broken down further between congoid and australoid..

        all mammals are inherently white when you shave the fur off them. man got rid of his fur so he wouldn’t overheat while hunting (giving him running endurance that his prey wouldn’t have). but then the african sun forced bare human skin to darken as protection from uv light. as man migrated north into eurasia their skin lightened again, leaving only things like rosey cheeks to protect some exposed skin.

      • None of us born here are ANYTHING Americans. We’re Americans. You’re not an Italian-American or Mexican-American or Irish-American or African-American. You may be an American whose ancestors came from Italy, Mexico, Ireland or Africa but guess what? You’re just an American. Now I’m a mutt with more Cherokee blood than any other single type. And I am a Native American but then, if you were born here with a German geneaology complete to the last corpuscle, so are you. It’s great to take pride in your heritage but the fact is if you were born here part of your heritage, the most comprehensively defining part, is that it brought you to the place where you are. And just like say an Arnie, if you want to reject that happenstance of blood and history you can go somewhere else and create yourself anew. When you do please don’t call yourself an American-Brazilian. I hate bullshit faux-tribalism.

    • spindoc

      Gee, a long term cokehead who is paranoid? go figure. ;)

    • Dan

      Yeah, I always thought that too… it really wouldn’t matter if he was born out of the country because he fell out of an american vagina. Case closed.

      These are a kin to the people who kept saying bush stole the election from al gore.

      GET OVER IT.


      Honestly, I would like someone to point out one difference in policy between Bush and Obama. Just one.

      Basically the same things have happened in both presidencies. Expansion of federal oversight in healthcare. Continuation of wars. Continued erosion of personal freedoms. Oh, and gitmo is still open. No gun control. Gays still cannot get married. Taxes are even about the same rate.

      Obama really seems like Bush’s third term, though he is a much better speaker.

      And Obama’s wife is a lot prettier too.

    • Mr Obvious

      The thing is the Constitution stipulated that a President must be born on US territory not just born to an American citizen. This is to prevent foreign influence issues.

      There was a candidate in the 2008 Election that wasn’t born in the US….John McCain. He was born in Panama on a US military base at a time when Panama was sort-of US territory. Had Obama been born on a US military base in Panama, the birther certainly would have latch on to the “not born in the US” argument even stronger.

      • Mr Obvoius,

        There is no such requirement. If you honestly believe so, look it up. The only exception to the statement “natural born citizen” was to grandfather in people born BEFORE the US existed.

    • The Critical Crassness

      McFeely, That is only half true! The parents must register the birth with the nearest U.S. governmental facility in order for the child to be considered a citizen.
      There is a WWII veteran in Portland, Oregon who is fighting for his benefits because of that quirk in the law.

  12. Charlie Sheen Birther
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s a couple years older than me, but looks like he could be my dad.

  13. LJ


    Leave it to the Superficial to open my eyes to the truth!!!!!!!!

    I’ve read Dune, and Dune Messiah, and I watched Deep Space Nine, so I know all about those Shape Shifter types, and, of course, that explains all the open questions that the “birthers” believe have not been answered.

    The man is a SHAPE SHIFTER, and we will never know his origins because, as we all know, once a Shape Shifter is transformed it becomes more and more difficult to return to it’s original form.

    Thanks for the insight, I will sleep better tonight.

  14. spindoc

    Trum is ONLY harping on the birther thing because he’s using it as an excuse not to release his financial records. i.e. well if he isn’t releasing a birthcertificate, then I don’t have to show my tax records.

    Problem for Trump, the Obma campaign released it in 2008, so pony up the records Donny.

  15. Chuck

    The Birthers need to drop it. Anyway, Obama’s done more harm to his re-election chances than they ever could. His only hope is that the GOP nominates Huckabee or someone equally un-electable to run against him…which they probably will…sigh.

  16. zomgbie

    sheens gearing up for his next tv gig.
    replacing glen beck on fucked inbred news.

  17. The Critical Crassness

    Fish, please stop posting anything about his idiot from hell! Most of us have run out of anything new or funny to write about this paranoid-schizophrenic head case long ago. Hopefully, the next post about Sheen will be that he has been forcible institutionalized at Gitmo for treasonous statements about our government’s leaders and has no further access to public or private media outlets.

  18. Amy

    Whoa! Relatively few paranoid comments on the Birther thread. I’m impressed! Or maybe watching Charlie Sheen spiral ever closer to some cracked up version of that old guy next door who sometimes pees on his rosebushes in broad daylight and spends afternoons bitching about how the head of the Department of Health and Human Serves is really the anti-christ scares us shitless into momentarily pretending we are much much saner than that crazy dude.

    “Who me? No, that guy is totally full of shit . . . although I can totally see his aversion to indoor plumbing. So complicated.”

  19. Brad

    The issue isn’t whether or not Obama was born in the U.S. – He was. The issue is whether or not both of his parents were United States Citizens at the time of his birth. The Constitution clearly stipulates that only natural born U.S. citizens may run for President. If Obama’s father is truly a Kenyan national and was not a U.S. Citizen at the time of Obama’s birth, that makes Obama a naturalized U.S. citizen, and therefore ineligible for the Office of the President of the United States. Get your facts straight. Ignorance is unbecoming, even for satirists.

  20. Jester

    Birther= Don’t disagree with the ideologues lest ye be painted with an unsavory PC term.

    Speech Code is applied for the purpose of suppressing speech or forms of social discourse thought to be disagreeable to the implementers.

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