“Here’s my pitch boiled down to its purest essence: You hand me all the money in your wallet.”
A more remorseful and somber (Read: Broke and therefore deficient in porn stars/hookers.) Charlie Sheen has been kissing Two and a Half Men‘s ass over the past week even going so far as to say he’d love to have a cameo on the new season and wishing the show the best of luck at last night’s Emmys. He also tweeted a photo of him giving Ashton Kutcher “advice” backstage which somehow didn’t end in Charlie stabbing a hole in Ashton’s chest and climbing through the entry wound to become him. “Listen, I’m a precision flying machine, nobody’s ever gotten laid wearing a scarf. Trust me. I wear one to signal I’m in ‘Charlie Mode’ and need to repower my thermonuclear core. And what’s with the hair and beard? Are you Jesus now? No wonder your wife’s tweeting naked photos. By the way, you got anymore of those, and how’s her Bentley situation these days? Just curious.”
Photos: Getty, Twitter
Charlie to Ashton: You need to get your bitch in line. Once she starts posting naked pics of her ass she’ll a random dick in there before you know it.
Charlie to Ashton: You need to get your bitch in line. Once she starts posting naked pics of her ass she’ll have a random dick in there before you know it.
Is Sheen trying to grab his boobs? And if Kutcher put shades on, he’d look just like Jim Carrey.
Ashton Kutcher is a man whore, twitting douche. Two and a Half Men will continue on for some time because once you are at the top it takes a long time to get yanked no matter the big change plus they prob had to give Kutcher a guarantee. Fuck, fuck, fuck I hate that fucking tool.
Topher? Toppher Grace? Is that you?????
Long time no see, eh?
The funny part of it is the creators haven’t and will never forget what Sheen has done in the past that caused the demise of his career, at least for that show. His character is dead, dead is dead, sitcom or not. He isn’t coming back and if he did it is the making for a shitty soap opera.
Stick a fork in this show, its done.
“So listen Jesus. Ive got this great idea. Instead of you and those 12 other dudes and dinner. Its me, you, a table of blow, 16 midget hookers and your wife twipic’ng my balls. Solid gold right?”
Sheen: “You amaze me man, amaze me! How do you do it?!? Even with tiger blood in my veins and a briefcase full of cocaine I know I couldn’t make it happen. So tell me, how do you do it, how do you go home and sleep with that old woman every night?”
Winner Dude. Total Emmy response.
Looks like he’s reaching for the man boobs.
This picture reeks of “the sinking realization of one’s own epic failure” and “old lady vag.” With just a hint of “cream of broccoli soup bits stuck in my beard.”
From the Charlie Sheen roast on Comedy Central:
“Charlie, you’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the ’80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.”
Lol
If I had one piece of advice for Ashton, it would be “what the fuck is going on with your hair? You look like a homeless guy found a tux in a dumpster.”.
Ok, that’s less advice, and more a cruel observation.
Charlie: Before long, you’ll imagine Chaim Lorre’s neck in your hands…just…like…this…
Ashton: Chuck, there are cameras running…
Charlie: Of course, you’d think I’d threaten a man’s life if cameras WEREN’T running?
charlie sheen = not too desperate for attention at all.
“hey man I’m tellin’ ya, whatever you do, don’t make any comments about WTC 7 being demolished with explosives – the man will fuck you up!”
Charlie is explaining the finer points of how to demean and domoralzing your co-workers and boss.
Ashton’s being a good sport about it and listening, even though he’s a pro himself-Just ask Demi.
:)
his words?
…….COMMIT SUICIDE YOU BOY!!
God, you suck.
i lol’d
Charlie’s been on a few shows in interviews lately and he seems to have calmed down now and he looks a lot better. He’ll be fine. For a while it looked like he was having some sort of manic episode.
“Now, Jesus… tell me again what your stance is on hookers and coke. Cool with it except on Sundays?”
It would be pretty awesome if he came back as a ghost to the kid, gave him advice and stuff. Can’t see it happening though.
It makes sense if you think about it. The hair+beard thing, I mean…
After Charlie’s Violent-Torpedo-of-Batshit exit, any new character being introduced to the show should make its entry at a Charles Manson level, minimum.
“So if that kid gives you any lip on the set, just put your hands around his neck like this.”
What a fucking loser! He had the best gig in town. Out of all the Brat Packers he had risen to the top of the tv food chain. He was extraordinary in Wall Street. Nearly two million an episode! You know how hard it is to get a gig like that!
Fucking die schmuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
You paid to see him on his “Winning” tour, didn’t you?
just so you know, the entire thing was a way for Charlie to get out of his contract because the show itself was boring him and making him miserable. In order to be free, he had to be fired. What better way to be fired than have a “mental breakdown”?
Awkward.
“Emilio said they were a good handful back then, maybe yea big. But she was kinda chubby at the time. What are they like now? How’s the texture? Does she moisturize?”
“For 30 pieces of silver, Lord! I betrayed you for 30 pieces of silver!”
And the Emmy goes to… SANITY!
Kutcher’s body language says it all: Get away from me you nutjob!!!
you can tell ashton is looking down at charlie, thinking what a nutjob he is.
Knobby kneed hookers are for fucking, not marrying.
That hair and beard is not a good look.