Charles Manson Is Pretty Much Dead

Looks like 83-year-old Charles Manson is finally about to kick the bucket. Back in January it was reported by the LA Times that he was hospitalized and everyone kind of assumed that was it, but this time around it’s being labeled as “only a matter of time” by pretty much everyone. He was taken to a hospital three days ago and will probably die surrounded by the five cops assigned to make sure he doesn’t get too cheeky.

“We’re told the 83-year-old Manson, who lays still covered in blankets, looks ashen. Our sources say Manson’s health has been steadily deteriorating and, as it was put to us, ‘It’s just a matter of time.'” (from TMZ)

When you’re ashen and covered in blankets, you’re either wilting into death or spending way too much time at R. Kelly’s house (sorry, Robert — still love your music but the sex cult thing is getting outta hand).

So crack a cold one for Sharon Tate tonight. This is probably about 46 years too late but since California isn’t one of those death penalty shmeth shmenalty states, Manson had a pretty good run at being a constant butthole to prison staff for the past four decades. Honestly the people who deserve the death penalty most are the ones who actually think his music was “good.”

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