Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.43

October 20th, 2012 // 79 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you slightly later than usual on this beautiful fall day because I spent the morning pressing leaves together with wax paper with Martha Stewart. Later, we banged inside a hollowed-out gourd then cleaned ourselves with hand-crafted corn husk brooms before sensually pouring chicory all over each other and repeating the whole process. It was a time of sensual beauty and nature until she peed with the bathroom door open and I kicked her the fuck out. Alas, our love was not meant to be.

Based on a true story,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.42

October 13th, 2012 // 70 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where we take the horrible shit you say in the comments and highlight them so you say even more horrible shit the next week. It’s a beautiful journey of triumph and inspiration. On that note, this week ends strong with back-to-back dick jokes and for some reason I can’t stop chuckling at the Chloe Sevigny caption that’s so simple it’s perfect. Anyway, enjoy all that stuff I just said, I’m off to get way too obsessed with the Prometheus Blu-ray like I did with the movie because I hate my penis.

Vaya con Space Dios,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.41

October 6th, 2012 // 55 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which was almost a short one until you people couldn’t get enough of reading Scott Disick‘s lips. Fun fact: He’s one of the few celebrities I’ve actually seen up close and, keep in mind I’m a pretty slight fellow, the dude is tiny. He was three feet tall if he was a foot. I almost want to put him side-by-side with Frankie Muniz, and no, not because I want to trap them both in a lunchbox until they tell me where the pot of gold is. Stop reading my diary.

Enjoy never being able to look at the new Iron Man armor the same way again,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.40

September 29th, 2012 // 48 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet brought to you by awesomely timed photographs of teleprompters and the letter Jon Hamm‘s penis. Also, special kudos to whoever the hell is letting John Travolta walk around looking like Bram Stroker’s Dickula while promoting The Savages abroad. Because nothing says enjoy our fine American cinema like a goddamn Nosferatu trying to incept you into thinking alien ghosts in a volcano cause allergies. It’s all the rage in Bruges.

Everybody get the Gilligan’s Island joke so I don’t feel old,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.39

September 23rd, 2012 // 70 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming to you a day late because I stepped foot in a Monkey Joe’s yesterday, so none of you know my pain. NONE OF YOU! But enough about how I’m going to start picking off cars from an overpass, this week’s collection is another robust smattering of commentical wizardry because clearly we’re in the middle of a Silver Age of dick jokes. Also, I highly suggest everyone scope out the Photoshop stylings of YerGross who made an image this week that I literally can’t look at for less than five minutes and anyone who’s ever done hallucinogenics knows exactly what I’m talking about. Or seeing nothing but a tap-dancing dog instead of words down here. Haha! He’s got a little top hat.

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.38

September 15th, 2012 // 132 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where I don’t know what the hell you’ve been feeding each other, but you people brought it this week because I honestly don’t think we’ve had an MIP over 25 comments since Amanda Bynes‘ 80th hit and run which is a really long time, I know. However, if you’re hoping like I was that this thing would be engorged to the point of explosion with Jon Hamm‘s penis jokes, turns out basically everyone that looked at it was frozen in awe and barely able to speak. In fact, I’m almost positive dudes from Westboro Baptist looked at that thing and went, “Praise the Lord and pass the cockunition, goddamn!” It’s powers are legion, I tell you.

Jon Hamm’s penis be with you,

- The Superficial

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Photos: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.37

September 8th, 2012 // 49 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet brought to you by Katie Holmes‘ butt and everyone making BJ jokes about Frank Langella because we’re in a fancy place. And speaking of fancy, I finally watched Contagion last night and there’s no way that movie isn’t exactly what Gwyneth Paltrow thinks will happen if she eats Chinese food. Just no way. (Like how I transitioned into a completely random joke about a movie that came out over a year? Poignancy, I has it.)

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.36

September 1st, 2012 // 56 Comments

Welcome to the Labor Day weekend installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, hand-crafted by yours truly while Photo Boy spends his three-day dying from malaria, so drink one for him. On that note, you’ll notice that this week’s assortment contains two comments that I personally consider blasphemy, but fortunately I’m such a non-biased, objective purveyor of dick jokes. And if you’re trying to figure out which ones they are, here’s a clue: The two of them starred in a movie together, and had their characters banged on screen, I’m pretty sure all I’d see is a beautiful Pegasus that slowly transformed into Alexander Skarsgard‘s face bathed in a golden light. — I’ve said too much again.

Anyone else suddenly hungry for pickles and ice cre- OHMYGOD TWINS,

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily