Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.46

November 10th, 2012 // 100 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which I don’t even know why I bothered posting it because who can laugh now in a world where Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez‘s love no longer exists? I can’t even bring myself to make a penis joke about it yet, that’s how devastated I am. What do we tell our children? What do we tell ourselves?

This is what it sounds like when doves cry,

- The Superficial

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The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.45

November 3rd, 2012 // 54 Comments

Welcome to another penis-joke-citing installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, our weekly compilation of the horrible things you people say in the comments that make us laugh because we’re equally as horrible if not worse. Think of it as a triumph of the human spirit if the human spirit’s true purpose is to make jokes about sphincters and child molestation which would be stupid if it wasn’t. Who could possibly want to live in a world like that?

Give me ass jokes or give me death,

- The Superficial

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The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.44

October 27th, 2012 // 102 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet brought to you by the genius of Gilberator and more Jon Hamm‘s penis jokes that you can shake Jon Hamm‘s penis at. There’s even a Fassbender one because it’s that exact level of commitment and dedication to dick jokes that’s made The Superficial the #1 Buttfuck People Blog for two Buttfuck years running.

In Difficult Brown we trust,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.43

October 20th, 2012 // 79 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you slightly later than usual on this beautiful fall day because I spent the morning pressing leaves together with wax paper with Martha Stewart. Later, we banged inside a hollowed-out gourd then cleaned ourselves with hand-crafted corn husk brooms before sensually pouring chicory all over each other and repeating the whole process. It was a time of sensual beauty and nature until she peed with the bathroom door open and I kicked her the fuck out. Alas, our love was not meant to be.

Based on a true story,

- The Superficial

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The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.42

October 13th, 2012 // 70 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet where we take the horrible shit you say in the comments and highlight them so you say even more horrible shit the next week. It’s a beautiful journey of triumph and inspiration. On that note, this week ends strong with back-to-back dick jokes and for some reason I can’t stop chuckling at the Chloe Sevigny caption that’s so simple it’s perfect. Anyway, enjoy all that stuff I just said, I’m off to get way too obsessed with the Prometheus Blu-ray like I did with the movie because I hate my penis.

Vaya con Space Dios,

- The Superficial

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The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.41

October 6th, 2012 // 55 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which was almost a short one until you people couldn’t get enough of reading Scott Disick‘s lips. Fun fact: He’s one of the few celebrities I’ve actually seen up close and, keep in mind I’m a pretty slight fellow, the dude is tiny. He was three feet tall if he was a foot. I almost want to put him side-by-side with Frankie Muniz, and no, not because I want to trap them both in a lunchbox until they tell me where the pot of gold is. Stop reading my diary.

Enjoy never being able to look at the new Iron Man armor the same way again,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.40

September 29th, 2012 // 48 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet brought to you by awesomely timed photographs of teleprompters and the letter Jon Hamm‘s penis. Also, special kudos to whoever the hell is letting John Travolta walk around looking like Bram Stroker’s Dickula while promoting The Savages abroad. Because nothing says enjoy our fine American cinema like a goddamn Nosferatu trying to incept you into thinking alien ghosts in a volcano cause allergies. It’s all the rage in Bruges.

Everybody get the Gilligan’s Island joke so I don’t feel old,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News