Archive for the ‘Most Important People’ Category

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.37

September 8th, 2012 // 49 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet brought to you by Katie Holmes‘ butt and everyone making BJ jokes about Frank Langella because we’re in a fancy place. And speaking of fancy, I finally watched Contagion last night and there’s no way that movie isn’t exactly what Gwyneth Paltrow thinks will happen if she eats Chinese food. Just no way. (Like how I transitioned into a completely random joke about a movie that came out over a year? Poignancy, I has it.)

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.36

September 1st, 2012 // 56 Comments

Welcome to the Labor Day weekend installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, hand-crafted by yours truly while Photo Boy spends his three-day dying from malaria, so drink one for him. On that note, you’ll notice that this week’s assortment contains two comments that I personally consider blasphemy, but fortunately I’m such a non-biased, objective purveyor of dick jokes. And if you’re trying to figure out which ones they are, here’s a clue: The two of them starred in a movie together, and had their characters banged on screen, I’m pretty sure all I’d see is a beautiful Pegasus that slowly transformed into Alexander Skarsgard‘s face bathed in a golden light. — I’ve said too much again.

Anyone else suddenly hungry for pickles and ice cre- OHMYGOD TWINS,

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.35

August 25th, 2012 // 72 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which takes us even further into the new Golden Age of Gilberator who’s apparently metamorphosed into the Henry David Thoreau of tit jokes. I’m not lying when I say I’ve literally wept at the end of them. On that note, Photo Boy almost pissed himself at the Gary Oldman comment which means a lot considering he spends 75% of his day hand-picking photos for The Crap We Missed in hopes of inspiring horrible jokes like how much Brett Ratner loves masturbating to shrimp. You’ve given his life purpose where before there was only me and a whip yelling, “BOOBY PICTURES, HYAH! UPLOAD! UPLOAD!” *CRACK-SNAP*

His name’s still Toby,

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.34

August 18th, 2012 // 91 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which might as well be called the “Haha, Bono’s Fat” Edition. No lie, I could’ve easily filled this thing with nothing but riffs on U2 songs which you guys delivered in spades. And speaking of giant hams, Katy Perry‘s naked butt shows up in here, but it’s the weekend, so I just assume most of you aren’t at work and sitting at home nude on a chair crafted from the finest Corinthian leather. There’s really no other way to read the site. Except at work when you should be working. Please keep doing that.

Seriously, I’m too beautiful for retail. They’ll do things to me,

- The Superficial

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Photos: IXOLA/AKM-GSI

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.33

August 11th, 2012 // 70 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, where we take the past week’s celebrity schadenfreude and make it have sex with your comments like the two of them are the last pandas on earth. Sometimes there’s some tears, a couple of gunshots, but in the end it all becomes a beautiful love song.

When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that’s amore…

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.32

August 4th, 2012 // 67 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which starts out with Katy Perry trying to boob away the gay, ends with a solid Kim Kardashian ass joke but not before tittilating you with a nougaty Arnold wants housekeeper vagina center. In fact, his captions are so good, I wish I could make this post grope you out of respect. He’d want it that way.

Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

- The Superficial

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Photo: INFdaily

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.31

July 28th, 2012 // 62 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet even though that title belongs to Antoine Dodson for helping me rationalizing eating at Chick-fil-A albeit via a defense that immediately falls apart under the slightest of scrutiny, so everybody knock that shit off. Anyway, short gallery this week which is usually what happens when the site’s bombarded with such polarizing topics as mass shootings, enabling child molesters, sparkling emo sluttery, and probably the most detrimental to society, letting Kate Gosselin back on TV. All horribleness aside though, hats off again to Christian Bale who I like to believe kicked in random doors at the hospital screaming “WHERE IS SHE?!” in Batman’s voice because his heart’s that big. (That old guy was gonna die anyway.)

- The Superficial

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Photo: Getty

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.30

July 21st, 2012 // 58 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you later than usual to give The Dark Knight Rises review room to.. spread its wings? (Innocent people were senselessly murdered in a movie theater, yet I’m alive to make that pun. That’s how you know there isn’t a God.) So keeping that ball of horrible going, here are the comments from throughout the week that broke through my jaded heart and brought brief joy where there was only dick jokes and hate. Also, a special shout out to mismy on the TDKR thread for literally suggesting the government caused the Colorado shooting because it can control our minds via fluoride in the water and now Obama’s all set to sign a treaty with the U.N. in six days and take our guns. That’s the funniest shit I’ve read all week, and I’m not just saying that because the nano-bugs in my Starbucks told me to. (Those mostly just make me shop at Target instead of Walmart and act all prissy about it.)

Haha! We’re a nuclear superpower,

- The Superficial

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Photo: Splash News