BREAKING: God To Forgive Casey Anthony Provided Random Pastor Puts Water On Her Head

The Superficial / March 21, 2012

On the first day of grifting school, they teach you that Christians are the easiest targets because clearly these are people who will believe anything. Of course, I just made that up, but you know who believed it? Christians. Which brings me to Casey Anthony being baptized because apparently she’s still trying to do everything in her power to look guilty as shit because she’s a manipulative, mental case. RadarOnline reports:

Casey has planned to get baptized sometime this month,” an insider exclusively told RadarOnline.com.
“She figured getting baptized would be the best way start this new chapter in her life. It’s a new beginning.”
Last July, Casey was found not guilty in the very public murder trial of her two-year-old daughter, Caylee.
“Casey believes that Caylee is with God now and wants to ensure her own salvation so that she’ll see her daughter again someday,” the source said.

So basically what this story is telling me is that Casey simply needed a babysitter – until she dies. “Hey, God, would you mind watching my kid until I’m done sucking dick in a haze of booze for the next 30 years? I’d leave her with my parents, but they’re always feeding her sugary snacks and letting her watch TV, you know how it is. Anyway, you’ll find a bag full of her favorite toys in the swamp I left her body in…”