Carrie Fisher Confirms She’s In ‘Star Wars: Ep. VII’

Last week, Carrie Fisher was hospitalized after going bananas on a cruise ship, and before that, her publicist had to issue a statement telling everyone not to listen to a word Carrie Fisher says about Star Wars: Episode VII which should qualify her for real this time confirmation about playing Princess Leia again as more crazy talk. Except thanks to Mark Hamill we now know that Disney is really trying to reboot Cocoon, so they better get their shit together before Wilford Brimley kicks the bucket. (Helpful hint: He likes oatmeal.) Via io9:

In an interview with Palm Beach Illustrated Carrie Fisher was asked point blank if she was returning to Star Wars and she answered quite frankly.
Disney is going to continue the Star Wars saga, producing movies set to hit theaters starting in 2015. Can you confirm whether you’ll reprise the role of Princess Leia?
What do you think Princess Leia is like today?
Elderly. She’s in an intergalactic old folks’ home [laughs]. I just think she would be just like she was before, only slower and less inclined to be up for the big battle.

DISNEY EXEC: Alright, Mr. Abrams, razzle dazzle me.
J.J. ABRAMS: Okay, what if, and try to really picture this, all the characters everyone loved from their childhood are old and almost offensive to look at? Plus every line they say will be a blatant wink and a nod to the audience that takes you right out of the movie.
DISNEY EXEC: Wow. I’m going to be frank with you, J. Mind if I call you, J? The other guys are going to hate this, but I’m into granny porn to the point that I see a therapist, so I’ll go ahead and greenlight this provided you don’t tell a fucking soul until we’ve already spent a ton of money and it’s way too late.
J.J. ABRAMS: You forget. I’m a master of secrets!
DISNEY EXEC: Which reminds me. End this thing like Lost and I’ll eat your goddamn kids in front of your face. There’s an actual kitchen under Cinderella’s castle that cooks and prepares fresh children every day, and I will take them there if I see one reference to limbo or the after-life or whatever the hell was going on in that last season. I’m literally hungry with anger just thinking about it. *presses intercom* Toddler empanadas. NOW.

(Video via Hollywood Elsewhere)