“Did someone say ‘sodey pop’? *vagina diddle*”
Britney Spears‘ former bodyguard Fernando Flores is officially filing a lawsuit today alleging the Legally Retarded One sexually harassed him numerous times during his employment. Although, in my opinion, this is clearly a cut-and-dry case of making sure he remembers what kind of soda she likes. TMZ reports:
Flores alleges, on one occasion — in a scene right out of “Legally Blonde” — “She was wearing a white lace, see-through dress. She walked over close by [Flores], intentionally dropped her cigarette lighter on the floor, bent over to retrieve it and thereby exposed her uncovered genitals to [Flores].” The lawsuit goes on, “The incident caused [Flores] shock and disgust.”
The suit then goes on to describe another alleged instance where Britney summoned Flores to her room, where she was standing naked. The suit claims, “After an awkward silence during which [Britney] just stood naked before [Flores], [Flores] asked Spears if she needed anything. After some hesitation, Spears asked [Flores] to get her two bottles of 7 Up.”
So Britney Spears walks around the house showing strangers her genitals until they submit to her needs for sugar water? Wow. Tell us something we haven’t known for at least half of the decade. Anyway, the suit also alleges Britney abused her children by forcing them to eat foods they’re allergic to then threatening to expose her vagina (Implied.) if anyone calls an ambulance:
On another occasion Britney fed both kids crabmeat even though she knew they had serious fish allergies. The suit claims both kids started vomiting and Spears allegedly prevented anyone from seeking medical help, allegedly telling them, “Mind your own f**king business!”
Granted, child services has already investigated the abuse claims and found them to lack merit, I’m going to go ahead and believe that crab thing anyway because it’s Britney Spears and she probably has access to a television that plays a lot of Spongebob.
BRITNEY: Haha! Squidward gots all them crabs in his mouf. *looks at Sean*
SEAN: Goddammit.
Photos: Splash News
Benwa | September 8, 2010 at 1:35 pm
fiiirrrssst beeatches.
Britney’s yesterday’s news anyway!
McFeely Smackup | September 8, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Don’t care. We’ve moved on from Brittney.
pimp | September 8, 2010 at 1:43 pm
speak for yourself, i’d pluck her asshole hairs with my teeth…
Richard McBeef, MD-MPH | September 8, 2010 at 3:12 pm
asshole hairs are a common vector for gastrointestinal and sexually transmitted infections. I strongly suggest that you use an antiseptic wash on Britney’s perineal and anal area prior to attempting a dipilation of her asshole using teeth.
say wut | September 8, 2010 at 3:40 pm
my name is common sense, and I approve this message.
Well played, Richard. Still laughing.
Richard McBeef, MD-MPH | September 8, 2010 at 4:49 pm
pimp and I have an ongoing discourse on the benefits vs. the health risks associated with acts falling in the analingus spectra.
Randal(l) | September 8, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Fuck it, I’m going for the cheap shot: she wanted two bottles of 7-up her snootch….god I feel cheap
Jimbo | September 8, 2010 at 1:47 pm
WTF is wrong with that? I would give her a soda to get a look at the goodies.. I would buy her a Starbucks for a blow job
michiez | September 8, 2010 at 7:22 pm
hahahaha jimbo, that was classic
Quantrill | September 8, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Seeing her spooter is abuse!
MAveRiCknewyork | September 8, 2010 at 1:50 pm
That guy is a fucking liar. Say what you want but any man, straight or gay wouldn’t even blink at the chance to stick it in the the Big Easy ATM… and ATM her.
bribios | September 8, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Remember back when seeing Britneys genitals wouldn’t have cause “shock and disgust”? The new millennium seemed so promising.
kurgen99 | September 8, 2010 at 2:04 pm
Geez, how hard is it to bang her? This guy must be gay.
JB | September 8, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Meeen!!! Given the tiniest chance i’d bang the biatch senseless i culd bet u til i die{literally} let alone lick her sphincter inside her guts meeen!!! WTF men
horn dog | September 8, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Right on. So she showed him the goods…big effing deal. This guy needs to be charged for court costs and beaten to a pulp for filing such a bullshit lawsuit! And for being such a flamer if this is true!
corey tayor | September 8, 2010 at 2:09 pm
I would love if she raped me,
if she kidnap me, gag me, put tape over my mouth, bound me and chain me
take me to her dungeon and rape me, over and over and over,
JB | September 8, 2010 at 10:02 pm
Tru dat, i hear u men… That’s wat am talkin ’bout!!!
Amy | September 8, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Oh noes! It must be TERRIBLE to have been sexually groped by Britney Spears. I’m sure he can barely sleep a night.
Anon | September 8, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Do you tell that to a woman in a similar situation or is this a typical female double standard?
Weird Al | September 8, 2010 at 9:59 pm
Double standard. But one with some basis in truth.
JB | September 8, 2010 at 10:14 pm
C’mon lets face it Amy… clearly the dude is gay coz i would love 2 b’live anything that walks wuld wanna get gross with her actually i wuld love:-P it if she raped & abused me over & over & over again…
NCDude | September 8, 2010 at 2:17 pm
I think I speak for plenty here who would gladly bang that or at least enjoy looking at it if nothing else but to keep it professional. There’s been worse during a drought we don’t admit to friends about banging but still did it. It’s safe to say this guy is a flaming light in the loafers sac sniffer.
frisbeeken | September 8, 2010 at 2:30 pm
I’m just counting down the days til her sex tape surfaces. That ass is fuckin hot !
dudeatdudedotdude | September 8, 2010 at 2:41 pm
shock and disgust, fur rlz? what a fuckin flamer. im with the consensus here, id bang her and bring her starbucks in bed. it aint sexual harassment when a chick does it, it’s endearing. enchanting even.
Fishstix | September 8, 2010 at 3:05 pm
If he had been Rosie O’Donnell’s body guard and these events to place, he would have reason to complain
*shudders*
Wash the brain..wash the brain…wash the brain…
Mike Hawk | September 8, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Fernando Flores? Really?…
Yea, he smokes pole…probably illegally.
Fucking homo.
JB | September 8, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Yea, Legendary Homo!!!
Greg | September 8, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Is it even scientifically possible for a woman to sexually harass a man? I mean, we’ll pretty much do it with anything, especially if that anything is filthy rich.
Amy | September 8, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Exactly. It made me laugh, but it’s so true. Whereas with women, if you’re ugly, you can’t harass. BUT if you stalk and look like Robert Pattinson (or are filthy rich), you get a pass. Why can’t any of my stalkers be hot?
Anon | September 8, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Amy ignoring the guys comments on here being nothing more than bravado it is possible.
I suggest getting away from the internet. Putting the tv remote down and actually spending time with men. Maybe you’ll learn something beyond gender stereotyping.
Also if you do that dont act like Britney. You’re not hot or famous or rich enough to avoid at least getting laughed at.
Now if it was natalie Portman…
not cool | September 8, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Because you are not attractive, perhaps?
JB | September 8, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Amy, if u r a lady; i’m here, i’m black, ain’t rich but i’m touchnot… Uuuuh coz i’m Hooot!!! I would love sometime witchu???
Terk | November 2, 2010 at 11:56 am
Amy that made no fucking sense.
say wut | September 8, 2010 at 3:37 pm
The lawsuit’s transcript was redacted. In reality, when she stood nude before Flores, she asked for “Two bottles of Seagram’s 7 Up My Ass”.
Anon | September 8, 2010 at 3:55 pm
not that i believe it but if she did then she deserves to be charged. Way to be a good female role model for her boys. Good thing she only sees them two days a week.
shavederic | September 8, 2010 at 4:18 pm
What a fucking pole smoker. Even at her drunken sloppiness, this was still a chick worth banging.
LEGO | September 8, 2010 at 5:45 pm
She is evolving into a lego man…….she used to be such a babe -.- shame
The Listener | September 8, 2010 at 6:53 pm
I agree with Fernando. It sounds like the guy just wants to do his job and go home. And maybe he doesn’t want to get involved with a divorced woman with mental problems and 2 kids.
For all we know, Britney could be taking medication where increase sexual appetite could be a possible side effect. Ya never know.
Vito | September 8, 2010 at 7:12 pm
“The incident caused [Flores] shock and disgust.”
Ewwwww…she showed me her hoohah and her dirty pillows. Yucky!
Unless it’s code for “made his dick hard.”
JB | September 8, 2010 at 10:36 pm
LOL
Weird Al | September 8, 2010 at 9:56 pm
Mmm….a white lace dress.
Ok, maybe he just wants to go home. But why sue her? Oh yeah, money.
Thin….fit…..relatively pretty……filthy…..as in filthy rich.
Seems like something too minor to get worked up about.
JB | September 8, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Oh mayb he fucked her then realised he’d picked up some fungal infections on his dick… So its kinda way of revenge, but WTF men!!!
bluekoby | September 8, 2010 at 10:04 pm
she seems like the kind of girl that has to have a meeting with the teachers to past the 4th grade.
i believe everything is true… and she doesn’t deserve to be a mom. motherhood is a privilege. I hope that happens cause shes a hoe. I know because of her fame… shes gonna have fans… that protect her and money! She herself should not be a Parent or on T.v. ( I bet you couldn’t even take her kids to fast food with out seeing the problem situation happen.)
i mean trashy parents are the people i want to yell at in public.
JB | September 8, 2010 at 10:46 pm
All said n’ done, just 4 the record… Britt is hot men!!!
captain america | September 9, 2010 at 7:18 am
ofcourse, WHO WOULDN’T DO THAT?
Bored with life | September 9, 2010 at 6:50 pm
It’s not like she made him get on the ground and bark like a dog while she fisted his ass…..or did she???
sexylips | September 9, 2010 at 10:12 pm
I feel sorry for the guy. Having to see fat brittany, would leave him with some nasty flashbacks that make gulf war syndrome look like a joke. He deserves compensation, NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO ENDURE THAT. Trailer trash ho.
Nike | September 9, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Wash the brain I agree with u.
Alejandro | September 9, 2010 at 11:45 pm
Damn she’s buff… she reminds me of my friend Aly who’s a football player….
Sean | September 11, 2010 at 11:33 am
So, this Fernando guy lives the dream of every red-blooded heterosexual man on Earth during the last decade, and instead of just being glad he had the experience, drags it into court and complains about it. I agree with most of the guys on here. I don’t like to make assumptions about anyone’s sexual preference, but if this man described a naked Britney Spears with the words “shock and disgust” he’s got to be a homosexual.
GREGORY JUNIOR YVES | September 11, 2010 at 7:41 pm
good look.baby
RatMan | September 11, 2010 at 9:43 pm
She didn’t want 7-UP, she wanted 7 INCHES UP, and he didn’t MEASURE UP! That’s why he is mad.
Imma Ferrari | September 12, 2010 at 1:30 am
Thanks, Flores, for fucking it up for everyone. Now rich, cock hungry celebutards are going to think twice before dangling their junk in front of the rest of us. And Britney was my last hope for getting laid. WTG
JB | October 5, 2010 at 5:41 pm
Everyone moved on???
Terk | November 2, 2010 at 11:50 am
You dont puke if you’re allergic to fish, you break out in hives and your throat closes up but you do not throw up. Lies.