Predator Britney Is Coming

As someone who spent the first years of this job watching Britney Spears’ mind splinter into Cheetos dust as she turned into a dreadlocked, paparazzi-fucking Frappucino dumpster who dropped her kids like they were constantly covered in butter – and probably were – know that I’m not fucking around when I say her face in these photos tells me shit’s about to get real. I’m talking whoever becomes our next president will read a report that says “Spears Determined To Have Sex With ISIS” followed by another one that says, “Never Mind, She’s Into Half-Black Half-Mexicans, That Do Anything For You?” because I’m already assuming this country’s fucked enough to elect Donald Trump. We’re really gonna do it, aren’t we? Goddammit.

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