Jebus’ll Find Bertney A New Man!

Britney Spears is mentally handicapped to the point that at 31-years-old her dad is still her legal guardian because she can’t even perform such basic tasks as signing a check or not using her children’s heads for ashtrays. So of course she goes to church. Which, in her defense, makes perfect sense because where else can you go each week to get free juice and stories with talking donkeys in them like on Shrek? “They alls got one with a whale, too!” There’s one with a whale, too.

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